No, I *don't* want to move again!

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1241 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@MissCalifornia:  -hugs- Having made near that many moves in the same amount of time, I totally get your frustration. I also think I see the underlying frustration with knowing that you are going to move regardless of how much you might not want to.

Chicago’s not a bad town, and with all the burbs in that area, you can find a place that isn’t to close to his family. Also, IL minimum wage is like 8.50, so even if you get a craptastic job, you can make enough to live. 🙂 

-hugs-

Post # 4
Member
1881 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Can you find a full-time job? It looks like you both need to make the mature decision to live where you can work. Or – work where you live. He should commit himself to tryign to find a full-time position where you guys are now. Maybe someone he interns for can help him out. And you should also be looking for something full-time if freelance ain’t cutting it. If after you’ve both givent his a real effort, the only job is in Chi-town then it looks like that would be the most responsible option for both of you.

Post # 5
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@MissCalifornia:  I completely understand where you are coming from. It is hard enough to uproot your life for someone only to have to do it again. But you know what? If it means you get to be engaged and married to the man you love one day AND  it means a good financial opportunity for him (and possibly you) I’d say go for it. Yeah, it sucks to move. I hate moving too, and I haven’t moved nearly as much as you, but I think it will be a smart choice. Eventually all things will calm down.

I wish you the best of luck in whatever happens. I follow your moving ‘saga’ haha, so I hope everything works out.

Post # 7
Member
10384 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

He needs to respect your wishes about location as much as you respect his. There are eleventy bazillion jobs in the SF Bay Area for tech etc – I think I remember that’s his field? I think he should look harder here (hi neighbor!) first before jumping ship to the first thing that comes along.

 

 

 

Post # 8
Member
1340 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@MissCalifornia:  I live in Chicago. The cost of living is very high, actually. Unless you live in the ghetto, rents are high. So $8.50 an hour is not at all possible to live on!

Unemployment is also sky high here. Close to 15%. So I wouldn;t count on finding a job that quickly. All things to consider and bring up to your BF.

 

Post # 9
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@MissCalifornia:  You have to go where the money is kid….and if its in Chicago…the pizza is worth the trip

Post # 10
Member
3009 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I live and work in Chicago and there are a good amount of jobs available here (even copywriting – I work with copywriters in my industry).

 

Unlike PP’s have mentioned, it is possible to live here modestly. You don’t need to be in the “ghetto” to have affordable housing. There are parts of the city that are very reasonable (especailly compared to the Bay Area!) and the suburbs are even cheaper than that.

I know it’s hard to fathom moving again, but now’s the time in your life to set down great career foundations (both of you) and I’d recommend moving in order to do that. After you have full time jobs and get some experience under your belt, settling down in a preferred location can be higher priority.

Post # 12
Member
1881 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@MissCalifornia:  You sya “I understand the ideas of maturity and responsibility but I uprooted my ENTIRE life in New York to move out here because he painted it as a sure thing and the start of a future. So I’m a little distraught and freaked out that suddenly, after three month, we’re considering moving back across the country to try somewhere else.”

There we go… this is what you’re really mad about. He moved with you the impression this was a “sure thing” and it wasn’t. And you feel duped/angry. That’s ok! Let it out girl! Be mad! But then you gotta move forwad and figure out what to do from here. Clearly, SJ isn’t working out that great for either one of you. So it sounds like you both need to make a decision that works for BOTH of you. Not just him. Where would you want to live in a perfect world? Can you guys try to compromise?

 

Post # 14
Member
1881 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@MissCalifornia:  Then I think you have to explain this to him. It seems like he’s taking the easy road (Dad’s friend got him a job near mom and dad) and not really pushing himself to find a job in CA.

Post # 15
Member
370 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MissCalifornia:  I moved to California for a 3 months for an internship and I’ll be going back once I graduate. And in all honesty. I don’t like California, well at least not southern LA where I was working, but that is where I can build a stable career so that is what I’ll do. Then 5 to 15 years down the line I plan to take the experience I’ve gained and go get a job where I really want to live. (After taking enough vacations to figure out where that is.) Getting your foot in the door is hard and it doesn’t sound like the place he currently is, is a good fit for him. And following mom and dad’s lead doesn’t sound like a healthy decision for your relationship.

But maybe it is time for him to follow you. FI will go where I have to go because the demand for his skill set exists everywhere while mine is more specialized and less mobile. And it doesn’t sound like you ended up in a place where you can work as a copywriter so maybe that isn’t the best place for the two of you.

And if he is in a tech field like another poster mentioned… I’d tell him to keep with his internship until he has been doing it long enough to have enough experience to find a real job. Because there are tech jobs in Cali and 3 months is hardly a long time to be with a company. Especially if he is engineering where it can take upwards of a year to even figure out what you are supposed to be doing. Encourage him to stick with it and if at all possible try to pursue his security clearance. 

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