Post # 1
I am not sure where to put this, but I felt that themes was the best place I could find. I don’t have clue what kind of wedding that I want. I have been engaged for less than two weeks, so I know I have plenty of time, but we have been dating for almost 6 years and I can’t help but feel that I need some sort of idea at least. I started looking at wedding venues and nothing appeals to me at all. I get sick at the thought of a big wedding when the money can be put into something else. I really think that I would like a destination wedding, but I worry too much that the people I want there wouldn’t want to come or couldn’t afford to. My FI and I are paying for our wedding on our own, so input from family is appreciated but not necessarily binding. My mother is really non-commital about the whole thing, she honestly isn’t the type to get too excited in the early stages and I don’t think she wants to seem like she is giving too much input but I worry about disapointing her because I don’t know what she wants. I know it’s my day, but it is a big day for the mother of the bride as well.
Essentially I feel lost. I feel like I should at least have some clue but really I just don’t know anything and I worry entirely too much. I feel like if I don’t feel strongly about something, than it isn’t right. Has anyone else felt this? Is it normal? I have been dreaming of a wedding, I just have no idea what that wedding looks like. Any help would be appreciated befoe I start making myself crazy WAY too early in this game!
Post # 3
@zimme1sm: First of all, if you don’t want a big wedding, don’t have one. Second, I, like many girls here, and Pintrest crazies, so I would go to Pintrest and just type in wedding ideas. You will get a TON of stuff. Or even a Google search. Do you have colors in mind? If not, start there. Look through color swatches.
After you get a good color scheme in mind figure out if you are having a theme. We didn’t have a theme, but our colors were dusty rose pink, brown, and white. We just decorated using our colors.
And lastly, find your venue after you have an idea. You can book that a year or so out. The sooner the better, but it doesn’t have to do done for a few months yet.
By the way, you may/will probably change your mind a zillion times throughout the process. Wedding planning is kind of trial and error with a lot of error lol. But it will be ok. Just make sure to have the wedding YOU and YOUR FI want.
Post # 4
@zimme1sm: I was 6 months out from my wedding before I decided on my colors. I suggest trying to find your wedding style first. Do you like rustic, shabby chic, modern? Do you see yourself having a formal, semi-formal or laid-back wedding? I also suggest take a break from planning the wedding right now and enjoy the engagement. Very few brides do this. Once you’re married it’s over and done with. Plan an engagement party or talk to your mother about hosting one. This may help her get onboard and feel included and her input valued.
Post # 5
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@zimme1sm: We didn’t have any major ideas about our wedding when we got engaged. One night my FI and I sat down to discuss what we each wanted. He wanted a big country club wedding with family, friends, acquaintances, the bigger, the better. I wanted to elope just the two of us and take a two week honeymoon somewhere great in Europe then throw a regular party for close friends and family when we returned.
We were able to compromise on having an intimate wedding with our closest friends and family (a guestlist of around 50 people.) Then we looked at our budget to see what we could afford. After a few weeks of tossing around ideas, he suggested we get married on the beach and I loved the idea so we ran with it. We looked into beachside ceremony/reception sites and ended up renting a beach house; the ceremony will be on the beach behind the house and the reception will be in the backyard of the house overlooking the beach. So we essentially ended up with a beach themed wedding.
Figure out what you and your FI want then worry about everyone else. Since you’re paying for it, you two have the final say. Once you establish your budget, check out venues and then worry about a theme. You may not even have a theme. Your theme may just be your wedding colors and there is nothing wrong with that.
Post # 6
@beachbride1216: +1. I forgot to add that I didn’t have a theme but if I knew what I knew now I probably would have went with an ombre theme. My colors were DB coral (more pink than orange), peach and blush.
Post # 7
You know, once you really start looking you’ll be able to understand more what you want. Since you don’t really know (really, the same way we were in the beginning), check out a bunch of different types of venues. We focused mainly on barns at first (which was a disaster) and wound up with a really nice clubhouse resturant!
Do some research so people don’t try to screw you over, that’s where we ran into the most problems. We’re still (FI especially) stewing over some of those incidents… no fun.
We’re in the midst of planning our wedding, and don’t really have a “theme,” a color scheme, or anything in particular we have to have. We wanted a photobooth? OK, let’s get one. FI wants cupcakes instead of a cake? OK we can do that!
I guess you could say our theme is “stuff that makes us smile”
The key thing here is that we aren’t letting anyone else’s opinions matter more than our own – and the trick to that is that we really don’t discuss our wedding with friends and family, unless they’re heavily involved (i.e. maid of honor)
BUT, let me warn you, from a girl who burnt herself out way too soon and didnt enjoy the first months of the engagment like she should have:
Go on dates, giggle together, pick up a book of questions and ask them to each other. You will be surprised at how much being engaged to a person can change the playing field!
Post # 8
@zimme1sm: We dont really have a theme but rather decided on a feel we wanted. We wanted to keep it small, more like a large family gathering/dinner party. We then narrowed down locations by the ability to have it last late into the evening, have one large table and decent lighting. We didnt decide on colors until after we booked the space. Pinterest is a great help for just finding little things you like but if you are stuck on finding a theme try finding a vibe/atmosphere you want and build out from there for your day.
Post # 9
Budget budget budget budget…….
You get the idea.
Figuring out your budget will be the best way to start getting ideas. Once you have a budget – start looking at venues – once you have those two decided – they will help determine the rest of the wedding…well the big things at least.
So if you have a constrained budget – and you end up with a outdoor venue – then you know your dress type needs to be something sweet and lowy – this will help determine your bridesmaid dresses and then what your groomsmen will wear. (For example – you wouldn’t wear a full ballgown outdoors – and your BM’s would probably be in flats and shorter dresses and your groom and his men would probably not be in full tuxes – so khaki vests or something similar.)
If you have a bigger budget and find a gorgeous venue then you will probably have a more elegant reception with a more elegant dress and your bridal parties will also be dressed up as well.
Basically, figure out your budget.
After the big things are figured out you will have been exposed to more wedding ideas as you go along (from seeing inspo pics and vendor pics, etc) that will start to feel what colors you like, what types of centerpieces you like and other small details will begin to fall into place.
Post # 10
@zimme1sm: How do you spend your time as a couple? What is your style like-Do you prefer to mingle with lots of family and friends, host special dinners with a few friends? Or do you prefer casual get togethers? What kind of environment do you prefer? Home? Restaurant? Lounge? Historic? Elegance? Country? Beach? Bed & Breakfast/Inn? Winery? Farm? Church? Theater? Traditional Ballroom? Garden? A mountain lodge? A Summer Camp? A Nature Center?
Because you posted “I started looking at wedding venues and nothing appeals to me at all. I get sick at the thought of a big wedding when the money can be put into something else. I really think that I would like a destination wedding, but I worry too much that the people I want there wouldn’t want to come or couldn’t afford to.”
Some couples decide they want to invite “everyone” and they may choose a local church, park or recreation center, a summer camp, and choose to keep costs low by serving cake and champagne, or afternoon appetizers, a simple potluck, a picnic, or bbq. or ethnic foods.
Others prefer to celebrate with immediate family, or maybe add in a few friends for a more intimage wedding. You could chose to rent a room within a restaurant, or a B &B/Inn type atmosphere, it could be either elegant or casual.
Perhaps there is a great government park or another (low cost)historic site/venue that would provide a destination feel to your wedding without travel cost burdens for your guests, so that there wouldn’t be someone you wanted to attend that couldn’t.
It might be easiest to start with a proposed budget range, a potential guest list, and an ideal “feeling” to your day -whether it be elegant, casual, whimsical, glamorous, traditional, vintage, etc. Perhaps you have items you already own that you would like to showcase at your wedding? Antiques, or hobby related items? Do what you feel most comfortable with. Good luck.
Post # 11
Thank all of you so much, I can’t tell you how much that helped. I am glad to know that I at least have some direction, even if it isn’t as complete as I thought it would be. I think budget is the best place to start-I was trying to find out what I wanted so I could estimate how much it would cost, but I think that setting a budget first would be a much better way to go.
I am going to take the advice of many of you and just try to enjoy my engagement. As much as I keep telling myself that is what I am doing…I seem to find a way to pick up my laptop while were watching a movie and end up on pinterest. I am sure that my FI will enjoy this quite a bit-I was so excited to get engaged and now it’s like I am trying to skip right over it!
@lindseyl06: Thanks for the suggestion to get my Mom involved, I think something like that may work.
@beachbride1216: Beach house sounds perfect! I always picture destination weddings or beach weddings at a resort, renting a beach house would be an absolute dream. I hope you don’t mind if I steal that one to look into later 🙂
@suburbian: What worries me is that I sit and go over our household budget on a daily basis, making sure everything is counted to a T, but with this…I must have been thinking that I would figure it out when I figured out what I wanted. Thank you, I don’t think I realized before how the budget ties into not only affording decisions…but making them too. My brain is so compartmentalized sometimes, I swear!
@creativeplannertobee: We are homebodies. It works for us, we like to go out exploring and sometimes we wish we had more friends in our new area, but mostly we are dinner out and movie night at home type of people. Neither of us are particularily close to our families, we love them to death, but there isn’t a lot of closeness. I think that is where we are having a problem-we don’t know how big we want this to be because we don’t feel strongly about anything. We have both agreed that we want something historic or vintage looking. So I guess we have more of a direction than I thought we did. I’ll keep going through all those questions and maybe gradually I will have some answers for myself!
Thanks again everyone, I truly appreciate each of your kind words and help!!