Post # 1
Okay so long story short: FI’s stepmom and I had issues, which could have easily been solved anywhoooo FI’s dad jumped into it not fully knowing what was going on said some choice words to FI, very nasty.
Welpppp FI does not want to invite his dad and stepmom to ANYTHING. As in our babyshower (in March), the birth of our son (in May), and our WEDDING (in November). Jeez 2014 is a busy year for us lol
It’s suchhhhh a horrible situation though. This is not how I wanted things to go down but I have to support FI in whatever choices he makes.
Buttttt it is very awkward because this is the break down of things:
FI’s cousin (his stepmom’s niece) and I are best friends, so you can imagine how weird it was to tell her that her aunt and uncle would not be invited to any of our events. She’s very supportive of our choice buttttt she knows as well as I do that once they realize their no invited it’s gonna be chaos!!!
Another slight issue: FI has a little sister who lives with dad and stepmom, brother who lives with them when he comes home from college, and stepsister who lives on her own. I was thinking of just putting little sister on the invitation with brother who’s away at college.
Also I truly believe that FI’s dad and stepmom are gonna flip shit on ME about not being invited and not FI. Sooooo I’m thinking so I just turn that over to FI or what? The baby shower invites are going out next month….
Please let’s be nice and positive and if not then don’t comment.
Post # 3
@eecuadrado: I think you should encourage your FI to reconsider for several reasons.
1. Not inviting them is an insult that’s not easy to come back from. Unless his Dad has been abusive to him, one argument or just a difficult relationship is not sufficient reason to hurt and embarrass them or strain the relationship further.
2. Making an even bigger rift between them is going to hurt other people. Its goingg to make maintaining a relationship with his younger siblings more difficult. DO NOT invite his younger siblings through someone else That is hugely inappropriate and the parents are unlikely to allow them to come. While his siblings are minor children living under their parents roof, your FI will have to go through the parents on some level in order to have a relationship with them. They could decide to make it difficult or impossible for your FI to be in contact with his minor siblings. Your FI has to choose to either invite all of them or none. They are a package deal.
3. Sometimes, you need to be the bigger person. You and your FI might be 100% right (although I doubt it – most arguments have some valid points on both sides) and the step-mom and his Dad wrong, but that shouldn’t prevent you from extending the olive branch. If the two of you can approach them and either work it out amicably or merely agree to disagree, it might be worth the effort.
4. His Dad won’t live forever. If your FI loves his father, even if his father is difficult, he should make the effort to have as good a relationship with him as he can. I’m not saying he should surrender or put up with a toxic relationship, but if he can find a way to make it work, he should. Sometimes, a lot of times, we have to accept parents for who they are even when who they are dissapoints or aggravates us.
Post # 4
@Zhabeego: I 100% agree with you on most of what you said. FI gave up this weekend after tons of attempts to get together and talk and his dad just ignores him. Another thing that I think hurts FI (although he says it doesn’t) is that not only does his dad ignore every attempt he makes but his dad never ONCE acknowledge our pregnancy NEVER. I know that deep down that has to hurt him so bad esp. because this is our first child and his dad hasn’t said a word about it and he knew about the pregnancy well before everything exploded.
I do think that his dad and stepmom will not allow his younger sister to attend but I didn’t want her to feel like we excluded her on purpose ya know. She’s only 10 and I doubt she has any idea whats going on.
But thank you so much for the advice I’m gonna have him read it maybe hearing it from a stranger will help
Post # 6
@eecuadrado: Aw, that sucks that he’s tried to reach out to his Dad and his Dad has ignored him. Shame on his Dad for that. Its childish.
Nevertheless, I say invite them. If nothing else, your FI can rest easy he’s done everything he can to mend the rift. Another benefit is that when you are the bigger person and you try, you deny the other person ammunition or justification for nursing the grudge. Even if your FI’s Dad thinks your FI did or said something awful, he’s tried to make amends and that counts. Your FI can tell his siblings truthfully that he tried.
Unless your FI’s Dad was upset about an out of wedlock pregnancy, I can’t imagine why he hasn’t said anything. Do they not approve of you or the marriage?
Its possible he’s just a selfish and/or diffficult person. Some people are. Its tough when those people are your parents. But, as I said, sometimes you have to accept people for who they are and be realistic about their faults. When you stop expecting them to be someone they’re not, you also don’t give them the power to keep hurting or dissapointing you.
Again, best of luck.
Post # 7
@eecuadrado: wow! Ok, obviously you need too support his decision, but can’t he change his mind? This all sounds so complicated!
I’d suggest if he won’t let them come – then he needs to take on the fight, not you. Especially not while you’re pregnant
Post # 8
@Zhabeego: It is truly a shame. I’m not sure if he’s upset about use getting pregnant during our engagement but if that’s his reason then that’s a damn shame. No one has a right to judge us. I feel as though his dad and stepmom think I took him from them but yet their the ones who kicked him out (at 20) so of course he came to live with me in my apartment. Ughhh so annoying and stupid it truly is….
Thank you again I really appreciate your help
Post # 9
@Sparkidoodle: It is!!! It’s soooo complicated!!! And honestly it could have all been avoided months ago smh.
Yes I agree I don’t want to have to deal with that while pregnant.
Thanks for helping 🙂