Post # 1
I have 2 girls from a previous marriage, they and my niece who’s coming from a different state are going to be in my wedding. They’re also going to be the only kids invited. I want a fun, party night and not worrying about little ones all over the place. We’re hiring a babysitter to watch them after dinner and after they’ve been able to dance and see everyone for a bit. So I just talked to my mom and is dead set on me including that on the invites. She’s usually all about the manners so I was surprised, I told her that it was considered rude to put no children on the wedding. She thinks the only people are going to really get it is if it’s right there in black and white. Is there something I can tastefully do to make sure people understand kids aren’t invited? Thanks!
Post # 3
Posting to see updates! We had a similarish issue in that I have 6 youngish cousins (under 15 years old ) who will be invited, but most of my finances friends and some of our older cousins have children (some have 2). Our venue can only accommodate 90 people, and children over 2 count towards our numbers so we we at risk of having to not invite friends to accommodate friends children (some of whm I’ve never met!). We put on the invitations ‘unfortunately we are unable to invite children’ just to make it clear. Now I’m having slight regrets as the best man has a little boy (prob 1 year old by time of wedding) who wouldn’t count towards our numbers, And it feels mean not including him. The prob is we can’t invite him without all kids really (especially as other mutual friends have kids who are under two and also some who are over) , it’s so Tricky!
I think you do need to make it clear- a friends sister put on the invitation ‘please only bring named invitees as guests’ as still had some ransoms show up….some people don’t get it, so giving them a helping hand is a good idea 🙂
Post # 4
@ShutterbugCait: When dealing with stuff like this, subtlety is never a good idea. Your mother is right when she says that if people don’t see the message in black and white then they won’t get it.
The problem a lot of bees have is that they send out invitations saying ‘Mrs and Mrs …’ or something similar, like a specific number of seats (say 2) hoping people will get the message. Invitations for two come back with an RSVP for five etc. In most cases people just assume that they can bring their kids along, they think it goes without saying that an invitation to them will be extended to their little ones. Other people simply don’t care that you don’t want children there and will use the fact that you didn’t write ‘no kids!’ as an excuse to being them anyway. As a teacher of five year olds I can testify to just how selfish people get when it comes to their children.
The PP is right, you need to have a politely worded message that outright says what you mean. don’t lie about your venue size or make up some excuse because it’s bound to bite you in the ass when someone figures out you’re lying. Just say ‘unfortunately we cannot accomodate children’ or some such. Don’t dance around the issue or talk about seats or anything because it is startling how insistent people can get that you let their child be bored and fidgety at your wedding.
Post # 5
We are going to include a part about unfortunately only being able to include the children of immediate family members on our invites, in a nice way of course. we just cannot accommodate everyone’s children, it would be at least another ten kids under five years old
plus the parents would probably enjoy a bit of ‘time off’
Post # 6
You could put “Adult Reception” above the reception information.
Post # 7
I think it needs to be in black and white unless you are willing to call people up to correct their misconception that they can bring their children. We had an invitation that came back, after being addressed to two people, with the the two people invited saying “yes” along with their adult son, his wife and their child.
Some people just don’t get it and I think it is nice to avoid headaches by being proactive in these cases.
Post # 8
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
“____ seats have been reserved in your honor” on the RSVP cards.
Another option-you tell all the Moms personally. I told everyone on my guest list before the invites went out, and let the OOTers know that I would help in finding childcare, if needed. No one took me up on it, but the offer was there.
Post # 9
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
We simply followed the rules of etiquette when addressing our invtations and we did not have one single person try to respond for an uninvited geust, child or otherwise. I suppose it depends on your circle and how pushy they are. I’m fairly convinced that when people respond with uninvited children, it’s often not that they didn’t understand the Mr. and Mrs. John Smith meant only Mr. and Mrs. John Smith, but rather that they’re going to try to push the limits and see if they can bring their kids nonetheless. Anyway, if you are worried about it, put “Adult Reception to Follow” on the invitations.
Post # 10
The way that we did it, because I did feel rude putting anything on the invites about who wasn’t invited, was putting this on the invite:
‘”We have reserved __ seats in your honor. __ out of __ will attend.”
Then we filled in the first and last blank with the proper #. If the number they wrote was higher than the number we wrote…well, then we had to make a slightly awkward phone call. But we only had to do that once, luckily.
Post # 11
@Wonderstruck: This is the wording I have been looking for! Thank you, hopefully that will be clear enough. I just worry about one or two breaking the rule and then it looks like we let them but no one else.