Post # 1
I know that this is sort of a “heard it a million times” topic, but I just have to ask: Is it rude to tell people that they (and only they) are invited to our wedding (in other words: “it’s not acceptable to bring yourself as well as your three kids to my wedding, thank you”.
I really did a ton of research on the best way to word it without sounding tacky, because I am not doing this because I am a “kid hater” or just plain mean. We did it because between both of our parents, we have 16 aunts and uncles and 30 something cousins and then ?? (somewhere over 50) second cousins. And to be frank, we just couldn’t see cutting out 50+ of our close friends from our guest list to make room for 50+ kids we barely know who probably don’t want to be there anyway. Our venue can only accommodate 150 guests and we are already cutting it dangerously close even with the “no kid” rule. To be fair, we said that we are only inviting the first “three tiers” of our families: Immediate family, Aunts & Uncles, and 1st cousins…and that’s where it stops.
Well, we just sent out our save the dates and it’s already beginning: the questions, the comments, etc. And even though our wedding is over seven months away, the stress surrounding this topic is already starting to get to both my fiancé and I as well as our parents who are caught in the middle. We provided information regarding local babysitting services for the parents to contact if they are from out of town and beyond that I am at a loss as to what we can do to make this delicate situation a little better for everyone?
Post # 3
Your perogative! People will compain, let them. With big families, sometimes this is just what you have to do. Just elt people know you’re not able to have kids come.
Post # 4
I would say itis totally fine, just dont do any exceptions and maybe set the age.
on the other hand does it mean that you will not have a flower girl and ring bearer?
if you and you FH are fine with this , do it. it is your wedding.
Post # 5
It’s totally not rude at all. I’ve been to plenty of weddings with no kids. We had kids at ours because I made most of my money through high school and college babysitting and nannying for a lot of the same families and it was important to me that they be there [and our price per person was reeeeeally low].
Don’t feel like you need to defend your stance…it’s your wedding, no one should need more of an explanation : )
Post # 6
Is there a hotel nearby, or where you’re blocking rooms, where you can rent a room and find someone to babysit? That way the kids are closeby and parents can check in if they want. I am also having an “adult only reception”, and I really don’t care if I look mean or like a kid-hater. It’s your wedding. If someone doesn’t like it, they don’t have to come! You’ve done plenty by providing babysitting information. This is not a new concept whatsoever, so people should not be that shocked. Good luck! :/
Post # 7
Your perogative. It is ridiculous that some parents think they are entitled to take their children to social occasions to which they are not invited.
Stand in front of a mirror and practice saying “I’m sorry, we are not able to accomodate any additional guests. “
Post # 8
It’s totally your perogative! Parents should see it as a night off and not an offense!
Post # 9
Thanks everybody, I guess that I just needed some reassurance that I wasnt wrong on this one…but I LOVE the idea about renting an extra room and having a baby sitter there. The problem is that I live in Daytona, FL, so most people want to make a mini vacation out of it and bring their kids (which is great) but I guess that figuring out what to do with the kids for a few hours is the real issue. A lot of the kids are pre-teens / teens, so it’s that they are “too old for a baby sitter, but too young to be trusted alone”, so it makes for a weird situation.
Anyway, thanks for the feedback ladies!
Post # 10
not rude. it is totally your prorogative. im not having kids at my wedding, people had complain allready, but bride and grom decide over everything. NO KIDS is fine.
Post # 11
Not rude at all. It is your prerogative. I understand that the proper thing to do is to call guests with children after the invitations go out to make sure they got the invitation and to provide via phone the essential information of professional childcare nearby, etc. This is also great because it heads problems off at the pass, confronts the issue right away so questions aren’t swarming at you when you don’t have the time to deal with them. Set aside a day for these calls and be done with it. If they agree to the information you’ve been so courtesy to provide, or if they say they’ll leave the kids home with a sitter, great! They are honoring your request. If they protest and say, “So you mean I can’t bring my kid?” you calmly say, “Yes, that is the case due to what we can afford and what the venue can accommodate.” If they get huffy and say, “Well, I guess we can’t make it then…” they are being rude, implying and attempting to manipulate the situation so you bend for them and only them. Sorry, but they are not above your request. Stick to your guns and reply with, “That’s a shame. my fiancé and I will miss you. We’ll mark our guest list as such. Thanks for letting me know and have a good day.” Then, listen for their mouth to drop on the other end of the line because you didn’t fall for their passive-aggressive expectation. 😉 Stay firm and polite, and congratulations to you!
Post # 12
Your Perogative… We’re not having ANY children and yes ALOT of people have complained but we just didn’t want to or couldn’t do it.
We are however setting up childcare & putting $ aside for happy meals in our day of budget for those that just can’t seem to listen lol
Post # 14
Your perogative. And mine too! We have a very short guest list (75 guests) and we are paying per plate. If we started adding 2, 3, or 4 kids PER COUPLE, it would make our guest list huge! And I’ve NEVER wanted a big wedding.
Post # 15
You do what you want! You shouldn’t feel like you have to invite any kids. And to be honest, I am a kid hater. Baha! No really… I don’t like kids. So the only kids at my wedding are nieces/nephews.
Post # 16
I think it’s completely reasonable to not invite children, personally I think it’s rude of guests to asks to bring additional people! We’re also not inviting children because of our limited budget and smaller venue. I think the idea of renting a baby sitter for children at a local hotel is fantastic. Maybe you could rent out two seperate rooms, one for the small children and a couple of babysitters, and one next door for the older cousins (so they have their “space” but someone nearby to check on them). Good luck!