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Hello
So my fiancee and I, who don't have kids are planning our wedding in Oct 2012. We are pretty much doing a DW because we just moved to a new city and state about 1500 miles away from both our family and friends 8 months ago. So 85% of all the guest will be from OOT. We said kids are allowed at the ceremony only but not the reception. Keep in mind both the ceremony and rpeiton is at the same hotel that most OOT guest will be staying. Anyway, so all of our friends with kids are fine with this but my side of the family is not getting it. I have 1 nephew and he is only 3 years old and my family thinks I should make an exception to our no kid policy. I tried to explain to them its not fair to make an exception on one side and not the other. Also, his 3, he barely sits still. Now, I haven't spoking to both my sister and father since this exception. I am not stressing but I just needed to vent because no one but my FI and I are paying for this wedding so it's our day. Also, for kids to eat chicken fingers and fries is $25per child, we are not even having kids in the wedding party.
We are going through this same thing, we haven't sent any invitations out yet but I foresee drama ahead. Our venue is not cheap, and a children's meal of chicken fingers and fries is $80! There's no bloody way I'm paying that especially since I don't believe a wedding reception with an open bar is any place for a child.
I think the only thing you can do is stick to your guns on this one and it'll all work out.
No kids*
The only exception we're making is for our flower girl, and we were up front with her parents that there will be no other kids at the reception and that it's a night wedding, so it'll be late.
I'm having kids at my wedding so I'm not much help here. But, I would say to stick to your guns about not making an exception for that 3 year old. I'd be a little annoyed if I just spent $$ for a babysitter then show up and see other kids there.
Thanks ladies, I plan on sticking to my guns. $25 a kid was discounted by the venue because I told them no kids was allowed. It's really $35 per kid but I said no way and then she said, if you have a few then we will discount to $25 just in case. We already paying $70 per adult. However, $80 a child misssawyer is crazy. Tell the guest NO KIDS ALLOWED and then vent about their response on the board, lol.
we only had the ring bearer and flower girl. No kids allowed. and it was AWESOME
The only kids coming to our wedding/reception, are the kids that are in the wedding party that are mine!
We are not having kids. I want our friends and family to have a fun night without the kids so that they can relax and have enjoy the party without having to be "mom" or "dad" and miss out on part of the night when junior has a meltdown. Adding kids would also add another 30+ people to our count!
If our budget allows we will hire babysitters and offer the out of towners free babysitting for the night at my sister's house (she lives close to our venue). I have one friend that will have a problem with this, but so far everyone else is ok with not bringing their kids.
We are, but the kids plates are only $12.95.
You might consider whether not talking to your sister/father is worth it - it might just be worth it to pay the $25 to ensure that you have a smooth wedding day.
If you're not even having kids in the wedding party, then I don't think you should make exceptions for anyone. I'm doing the same thing and am happy with my decision. It's cutting our costs significantly.
We are not having kids at our wedding. I have talked to several people and they do not have a problem with it. I have not sent out the invitations yet. I'm still trying to figure out how to word the invitation. I heard it was rude to say no kids on the invite? Anyways, there will be one kid at the wedding. My brother who will be 13 is the ringbearer.
I think you should just stick to your guns because if you let one person's kid go then it's going to be really hard to tell other people no.
@desertgirl: We are going to leave it off the invite and we put it up on our website. I am going to names on the RSVP cards as to who is invited.
Honestly, if you're having a wedding that most of your guests have to travel to, I think you need to allow their children to attend as well. Personally, if I had to travel to a wedding and was told I couldn't bring my children, I wouldn't attend the wedding. What do you expect people to do with their children? I know you said the ceremony and reception are in the same hotel but how does that make it better? Are parents supposed to switch off with one being upstairs with the children whilst the other is at the wedding? I don't get it.
Sorry, we were in a similar situation with our wedding - about 90% of our guests had to travel from out of town and we welcomed all of the children. We had about 30 kids under the age of 16 there and it was wonderful! They were all beautifully behaved and everyone had so much fun dancing with the kids/watching them enjoy themselves.
ETA: Of course you can do whatever you would like, but I wouldn't be surprised if you got a higher number of declines than you may have received had you allowed children. It's just not that easy for people to find someone to watch their child overnight or for an entire weekend.
We're inviting kids, but I think it's fine to stick to you guns and say that there are no exceptions if you make the rule.
I guess the only thing that confuses me a little bit is why you would invite them to the ceremony, but not the reception. Little kids aren't great at knowing when to be quiet (at least the ones I know...), so if they're not going to be invited to the "fun" part, I'm not sure why you'd invite them to the "boring" (from their point of view!) part. Either way the parents are going to have to arrange for a sitter...it's just a matter of finding one in their home town or finding someone to watch them at the hotel. I think if we had a "no kids" policy, we'd refrain from having them at all.
Good luck! We said no kids and SIL is basically bringing hers anyway. Now I forsee a bunch of my cousins being offended when they see the kids there. It should be just lovely. *voice dripping in sarcasm*
@desertgirl: thanks, we are not planning on put no kids allowed on the invites but we created a wedding website and advisored the guest to go online and read about our special day. We mainly put the recpetion is adult only. This was the most tastful way to put it (we tought).
It took my family FOREVER to get it, but in the end EVERYONE had so much flippin fun they didn't even care that their kids were not there, I swear. They will get over it and thank you for it later! We had a no kids ceremony and reception, so they had to get a sitter for a good portion of the day and everyone managed.
@Ree723: I feel a wedding is a special night out. Just like a couple trying to enjoy a night out on the town wouldn't bring their children. Or a couple going on a romantic vacation, they wouldn't bring their kids. Our wedding is not a backyard wedding, we are planning for a very elegant evening. The wedding is an afternoon event and the reception is ending at midnight. I don't have kids but 95% of the guest wasn't planning on bringing their kids anyway, so I don't see a problem with it. My nephew will be 3 years old and my sister and her husband has never been on a vacation, so in my eyes, they need the time apart. My aunt is coming and she is fine with watching the kids (according to her daughter, who is also bringing her son and plan on taking turns with her mom to watch). The reception is only 4 hours long so I don't see a problem with the adults taking turns watching the 2 kids upstairs who should be asleep anyway for the last 2 hours of the night. Also, I can bet my mom and my FI mom won't be staying up til midnight so they can take over the last 1 or 2 and chill in the room well the kids are sleeping. I believe at the end of the day, if parents want time away from your kids they will find the time. I think our wedding at least deserves that much respect. If they are not able to make it because of their kids then we will understand. We are all adults and no feelings will be hurt at the end of the day.
@SarahSmilesDec28: Wow, I hope this is not the case. I feel out of respect for our day our guest will not bring their kids. I can't even imagine someone bringing their kids after we said adults only.
Both our families are OOT, so we decided to invite all the kids in our family. If our friends we invited have kids they can find a babysitter.
None of our family could come if their kids couldn't. Who would be able to watch them? (We live about 1200 miles away).
We're not even having kids in our wedding party,wrote we're asking no kids under 5. With our families though, that will only be an issue for two couples we invited so I don't foresee a ton of drama about it.
If all your guests are from out of town, who are you expecting to look after the kids for the reception?
@msbadger7: I understand but we didn't want to put the strain on anyone to watch or be apart from their kids the whole day in a new state. Also, my Fi has a few cousin ranging from 5-14 that are coming, so we knew they would be sad to miss the whole wedding experience. So we opened it up so they can at least be there for the ceremony. I feel this is the whole wedding experience, the reception is the celebration, lol. However, we are having a pre party the night before our wedding to all out of town guest so everyone can eat, drink and play games. The kids are able to come to that and in my eyes this is our pre reception before the big day.
@QBbride: Out of the 75 guest we invited, 50 of them are OOT guest and about 9 couples have young kids. 6 of those couples said, they wasn't planning on bringing their kids and they was glad for the break. The only 3 couples that was considering bringing their kids is the reason for the band. Out of those 3 couples woud be a total of 7 kids which may have open the door for the in town guest to try to bring their kids. Out of those 3 couples, 1 has a preteen daughter and she is planning on watching her younger brother and sister upstairs during the reception. The other couple (my cousin) is inviting her mother to help man her 2 kids upstairs during the reception and her and her mother would take turns (according to her) watching the kids upstairs. And finally my sister, now keep in mind, my cousin is my sisters cousin as well and she always watches my nephew during family events when we go home. So what is the real difference? Again, this is our special day and just like the other guest not considering bringing their kids because they are wanting a break and finally having an adult night out is also a treat to them.
I think kids are okay for a day Wedding, but for a night Wedding, nope no way!
I have told my friends no kids. My 6 year old daughter will be there and my 1 yr old nephew. I want them there they are well behaved, my friends kids are a different story. One friend I actually made the rule for her child has a temper tantrum over evrything and I can see her ruining the ceremony. Besides I want my friends to enjoy a nice adult evening at the after party too.
I'm not sure how you'll execute allowing kids at the ceremony but not the reception (wouldn't you rather have screaming kids while the dancing was happening over your vows???), but whatever's clever. You can do whatever you'd like, just stay strong and try to be as fair as you can.
We're not allowing kids at any point, and yeah, I put it right on the info card with the invitation. Oh the horror!!! ;)
I don't see this working out to be honest. I forsee babysitting or other arrangements not working out last minute and either your OOT guests with kids begging you to let their children attend or OOT guests with kids not coming at all.
I want kids at my reception. Only because adults are so dull sometimes. And because Im making a DIY kids activity book and bag. I am putting stickers,crayons,those books, glow in the dark bracelets and necklaces,etc.
I hope to have at least 20 kids of all ages. Oh and I do have sudoku in my kids activity books because I know there will be a few adults grabbing one of the books for fun. I am soooo excited about it! My fear is, no one will bring their kids.
If any bees want to know how to make a DIY kid activity book, I will put a link below of mine..
@cardnasac: That makes sense, and when you said that you have Aunts or older wedding guests who are glad to take shifts watching the kiddos in the hotel, it made a lot more sense to me why you'd invite them to the ceremony. I hope everything works out for you with this!
i didnt vote because there wasnt an option for "im stuck in the same boat" I said no kids since there are TONS esp since everyone will be OOT for ours too... seriously 40 kids i have counted, I am the youngest cousin and everyone has kids, ugh. my dad thinks its rude not to include them. i said how about having them at the ceremony... then have a suite for all the kids, have pizza, video games, arts and crafts and they would have a blast... dad is sticking to his guns and says no since he is paying for the reception i dont have a choice, but i think its so dumb to spend all that money on kids eating! :( ugh. im sorry! if you paying i would stick to your guns!
We're not having any kids at our ceremony or our reception, and that includes my fiance's nieces (one will 2 and two will be 1). The only person to have a problem with this is my future mother-in-law. She threw a tantrum months ago when she was first told but she has since kept somewhat quiet about it. Since my fiance's brother lives down the street from us and the wedding will be in our town, there is no reason for him to have a problem finding a babysitter. We are adament about having an adults only night. We are firm believers in some places/events being inappropriate for babies/children, and our wedding is one of them. We don't want toddlers screeching or crying during the ceremony and we don't want kids running around the reception.
I'm inviting the kids, but we're also asking for guests to come from overseas. And to be honest, those people I love the most all have great kids. I'm also going to provide babysitting information, but that'll be for each family to decide if they want to use it.
We had kids at our wedding... well just kid.. just mine haha. But that was just because we had a small wedding and not one else had any kids.
I think that if you don't want kids dont have kids but I think since most of the guests are out of town, you may want to see if you can connect the parents with a sitter or something for that night.
@live laugh love: Thanks for the words of wisdom. I wish I had some for you. I think your thought of having a kids room with pizza and stuff is a great idea. Maybe you can work on this if you have time. I'm sorry, maybe when your dad see the finally numbers he may consider the kids room. If I was a kid I would like that more then nothing at all. Good luck.
We're saying no. Most of my cousins are just slightly older than me and so have kids under 5. I just don't want a bunch of kids running around my reception. Even one child at a table can completely change the tone of the entire meal--they interrupt, their parents get distracted, everything is all about the child.
We will not be having any kids at the wedding ceremony or reception. My aunts and uncles do have children (my cousins) who will likely be present for the rehersal and post-wedding brunch. Although we live here it is a destination wedding for most of my family so I had to make some concessions.
We're having two: my cousin, who'll be 12, and OH's cousin, who'll be 10. That's all to any part of the day. Otherwise, children aren't invited to any part of the day, regardless of how far their parents have to travel (though I think the furthest anyone with kids is travelling is about 50 miles; most people are local (within 10 miles), so it shouldn't be an issue). However, even if our guests were travelling a long way, we would still have that policy, because we have massive constraints on the numbers (we can't even invite all the adults we'd like to to the wedding breakfast), and because we don't particularly like children or feel that they make a wedding.
Ultimately you should have the wedding you want, and not feel pressured into inviting anyone you don't want to invite. I also think that you are on dodgy ground if you start making exceptions (unless the children are in the bridal party) as this could cause bad feeling with the guests who have respected your wishes. Equally though you need to be aware that some people may be unable to attend if they are travelling a long distance, and respect that. I also think you should provide them with details of someone local to the venue who can look after them, so that they have that option.
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