Post # 1
I just got into a little argument with my fiance’. We had decided to spread the word that there wouldn’t be any kids invited to our home town reception (we are having a DW) except for a few very small ones. It wasn’t on the inviations or anything, but we had just spread the word as best we could and let people know as they asked…
So far everything was going well until I got an RSVP back from a couple, who added their daughter to the response card without asking. I had decided I would email her and let her know it’s adults only (I haven’t spoken to her in a while), and I even composed a message to her and planned to send it before the end of the week(my mom and I got into an argument and she yelled at me saying parents would be angry if I don’t let them bring their kids)…anyways, I guess you could say I wasn’t looking forward to sending the message…but I had every intention of sending it.
She emials me before I send my message that she was so excited and even bought a dress for the little girl especially.
Oh man…now I simply DO NOT have the heart to send that message…I just can’t…even though I know they are being the presumtuous and rude guests I just can’t..like litterally, I won’t tell them they can’t bring her…not because I want them to (I still don’t want everyone bringing their kids) but because I just dont’ have it in me to crush their little girls spirits, as she’s old enough to understand what a wedding is and that she’s going to one and has a new dress and eveyrthing. =(
I tried to talk to my fiance and let him know about it but he got angry and said I need to just tell them no. But I can’t…I just can’t….and now he’s angry and says now we have to tell everyone they can bring their kids. (it would double our guestlist)
The only other exceptions we had considered were our godson and daugther and perhaps my stepdad’s nephews…all of whom are very small children…well, under 4-ish.
I guess I just feel like crap now…like how do I fix this…I didn’t want this to be such a big deal. I wish I had mentioned this to my friend before sending the invitation that we were doing a mostly adults only thing…but here I am, planning this reception 100% by myself…having never done such a thing before in my life….unable to anticipate this persons assumption..or people’s assumptions.
I guess I’m learning things new the hard way every single day and it totally sucks. =(
Post # 3
You should call her up and explain that there are no other children invited, and that it would be unfair to the other guests to allow their daughter to come. But that really sucks. Maybe just let all the kids come?? That would be easier! lol
Post # 4
Just give her a call, say you are very sorry but this is an adults-only affair. Or, if you really can’t do it, make a special role for her in the wedding (such as flower girl or train-holder… I don’t know) so that her presence at the wedding won’t be seen as such a slap in the face to other parents. Not that it would, many parents think of a night away from the kids as a welcome break! The only other option you have is let everyone bring their kids and hire 1-2 babysitters to keep them corralled in another room or corner somewhere.
Post # 5
yeah, my FI and i were at a wedding last week and one of his second cousins said to me that she had asked her son (a 2 year old) if he would dance at our wedding next year and he said yes. i said something like “aww” completely not thinking about the fact that we weren’t planning on inviting him. now i’m not sure what we’re going to do b/c i feel kind of bad.
i have no idea why so many parents would want to bring their kids to a wedding; it seems like such an annoying thing to have to keep them quiet/under control
Post # 6
Oh goodness, I’m sorry! My fiance and I wanted a kid-free wedding (except small ones) because my cousins have 5-9 kids each (i have a LOT of cousins with kids!!!) and it would triple our guest list with all of them, but we are having a dry wedding, and decided to incorporate some yard activities during the reception, and just not have kids IN the wedding. We are only putting names of the persons invited on the invites, but we may end up with your problem! I am so sorry! That is just miserable. :/ To be fair, I really don’t know what to tell you. But i can commiserate
Post # 7
Stuff like this is really tough – people say that you shouldnt put no kids on the invite, and that the guests will ‘just know’ that kids arent invited…and it frequently doesnt seem to work out that way…which leads to this kind of issue!
I would be like you and not really want to tell her no at this stage – but then id worry that other guests would see her and wonder why their kids werent allowed but she was. Nurse bee has a good idea in that maybe you could make her a flower girl or something – it seems generally accepted that kids in the wedding party can be exceptions to the no kids rule without people being offended. if thats not possible then im not sure what to do as surely invited all kids will really push up the costs? i know at my venue the price for children is extortionate, particularly given they dont even eat that much!
Post # 8
I had 40 kids at my wedding. It made planning way harder but the day of, the kids weren’t in the way at all. If I had to do it again there would be like 10 kids and I would have found a way to put them in the wedding party.
Post # 9
No kids at my wedding or bridal shower…sorry! I dont think it is a big deal…it is your day. Do what you want! You will NEVER have a redo! 🙂
Post # 10
Ah, the kid question. Mr. E and I touched on this briefly, and I think I have the solution for ours. I’m going to hire a few college students to “babysit” for the reception and thats how we’ll get by.
As for your friend, well, this sounds blunt, but that is what receipts are for. Yet you’ve made an exception for a few. I hear you on feeling like you can’t tell her, but the more exceptions you make, the more people will ask you to make another, and another. It may be time to be direct. If you really can’t, ask your FI to do it.
Post # 11
I love to go to weddings! Kid free. It’s a time to drink and dance the night away. Not your kids under foot so you have to leave early cause of bed time. I just don’t get the whole bring your kid to a wedding thing. I wish you good luck cause I wouldn’t be able to do that convo either.
Post # 12
Tell her sorry, but no. Because if other guests see a couple got to bring their kid, but they couldn’t. It might cause some issues.
Post # 13
Yeah, I can’t you guys…I just can’t. It may be the fair thing to do for the other guests, but I just can’t do it….call me a wuss…I guess maybe I am. When she emailed me about how excited her little one was about having a new dress for the reception…It was the point of no return for me.
Also, It woudl be a great idea to add her to the wedding duties, but I should clarify I’m having a destination wedding, and this is a reception we are having when we return home. So there will be no wedding ceremony, just dinner, and dancing.
This couple does not associate with our other friends or family, whatsoever. So, the fact that this little girl is being brought won’t affect other guests until the day of…which doesn’t make me warm and fuzzy to think people might be angry that there are some children there when theirs weren’t invited…but so far everyone has been very understanding when we tell them only a few small children are coming to the wedding and it’s mostly adutls.
I was simply trying hard to follow ettiquite by not putting it on my invites and then found out that this kind of thing might happen. If I could go back in time maybe I could have handled it better but agian, this is me learning stuff the hard way….and doing my very best.
I might also add that anywhere you read about the “no child” policy in reference to ettiquite, warns that a few people will PROBABLY bring kids anyway…without even a thought. And that you have to handle it with grace…you can’t turn them away at the door. I guess I could see it this way….although that’s not exactly what happend here.
If I think about this subjectivley, if my kids (granted I dont’ have nay yet) weren’t invited to a wedding and then I went by myself, I seriously doubt I’d give even a thought to seeing a few little ones running around. Although I admitt I would probably feel a little slighted if there were a couple dozen running around while mine weren’t invited.
Post # 14
We had a similar issue at our wedding. Due to how many kids my DH has in his family (lots of cousins!), we decided to have a no under 10 rule 9 (Except for the flower girls). We didnt want to place it on our cards, but forgot to put it on our RSVP website. Someone rsvped with their little girl and we just called her and apologized explaining that we would love to have the little one come, but there is a no under 10 rule.
If you come up with a general rule like that, it is easier to explain to people and they are less likely to be offended. We had a 6 kids at the ceremony and reception (2 flower girls and their sisters and 2 kids that were my bridesmaid’s) and nobody questioned anything at all.
Post # 15
wow it looks like she did this purposely…she wrote her daughter’s name on the rsvp and then message you saying these things just to have you where she wanted you and she got you…lol…i guess if your fine with this then ok, i would think like oh no she’s trying to taunt me and be slick…
Post # 16
OK, don’t want to sound silly….but there is ettiquette regarding NOT putting onto your invites? I put on my RSVP…I wonder whose ettiquete guideline that is? Obviously, they had children to bring to a wedding. LOL. Just makes it too uncomfortable if you dont say it…this is the on the bottom of the RSVP…
Please respond by August 1, 2012
Thank you for understanding our Ceremony and Reception will be adults only