Post # 1
So FI and I have decided that our wedding will be a adult only event.
Well FI’s mother decided last night to tell us that FI’s neice (she’s 12) is just heart broken that she isn’t invited. Not sure why she decided to tell him that (maybe to guilt trip us?)
I spent the whole night really upset about it. I don’t want to hurt her feelings but I also don’t think that I should be mad to feel like a horrible person because I don’t want a lot of children there.
I personally feel that I cannot pick and choose the children that are invited, so its all of them or none of them.
Well on his side that is just two people (his neice and nephew). Well on my side thats an extra twelve! So in total an extra fourteen people at $145.00 a plate…. AND what about all my close friends that have kids? If we add in theme it brings the total to an extra twenty seven people!! So an extra $3915.00!
I talked to my parents to see how they felt (they have four grandkids not invited) and they had our backs and said no children.
Has anyone else had this issue?
Post # 3
If you really do want the kids there but the cost is the only thing holding you back you can always create a “kids area” at your reception – different table decor, shorter table, and a whole different meal. Caterers can easily create a kid friendly option so you don’t have to pay more, also to apease the little ones tastes.
Post # 4
I’ve been to a few of my family’s weddings where kids were invited and the kids end up being the life of the party. You may think they would act up and get in the way of the adult fun, but they really don’t. If you don’t mind me asking, what is your worry about having kids at the wedding? Is it the cost? Some caterers will do children’s plates at a smaller cost.
Post # 5
You certainly CAN choose which children you want to invite. Kids are like any other class of guests – you don’t have to invite all your neighbors, co-workers, or church family, and you don’t have to invite all kids. Now, PARENTS will take exception to this as they can feel quite entitled regarding their little sugar britches, but kids are not an all or nothing deal.
My 4th DD is getting married in June. We are inviting kids out to first cousins (not to many, youngest is 10), nieces/nephews of the B&G, and the kids of the wedding party. NONE of their friends’ children will be invited and we owe no one an explaination on that.
I do kind of see the question in not inviting nieces and nephews since they are such close family, and I do enjoy no kid weddings. I’m just kind of seeing why a 12 you would be heartbroken about it.
Post # 6
She absolutely did that to guilt-trip you. DO NOT CAVE.
The person responsible for your niece being upset is the jerk who decided to tell a 12-year-old that she is being excluded from something that is taking place a year from now (whether that be your FMIL or the parents of this little girl). Had they not said anything to her, knowing that it shouldn’t have been her place to know these kinds of details in the first place, this would not be a problem.
I would take that position when you and FI talk to FMIL again.
Post # 7
@FutureMrsKenward: It’s tricky in the case of a 12-year-old. She’s technically not a kid, and she’s probably insulted that you would place her in the same category as a toddler who’d throw a tantrum during the ceremony (which is the main reason why people choose to have child free weddings). Ultimately it’s your wedding and the guest list should be decided by you, not anyone else. Don’t let anyone guilt trip you into doing something you can’t afford, but take into consideration who is a child and who isn’t.
Post # 8
Its not just the cost that make us not want kids there. FI and I are not having children and personally feel like we don’t want them distracting from our day.
@FutureMrsLAL: FMIL was trying to guilt trip us! My parents were every upset she even said anything!
Post # 9
@Aquaria: We’ve given the age cut off of 18 and up. I consider that to be an adult.
Post # 10
Techically the damage is already done because the decision has already been made. It just bothers me that every parent has a reason why their child should be the exception.
@thenextmrsi: I actually emailed my venue last night to confirm that everyone is the same price and they said it doens’t matter their age its $145 a person (unless they are under one)
Post # 11
I agree that children should not attend weddings.
My family was very understanding because children would add another 20-30 people and we were already over the room capacity.
The DH’s family on the other hand, did not handle it well….. wow did the ugly come out in these people……
Post # 12
@californiabride2013: It was a hard decision to make and it really doesn’t help when people make you feel bad about it…
Post # 13
It’s your wedding, your decsion. They’ll get over it and so will you.
Post # 15
@FutureMrsKenward: We wanted an adults only wedding but couldnt imagine not having my neice and nephew there (12 and 5). So we only invited immediate family children so them plus my husbands then 3 month old neice. The hall let us do kids plates for them – so it was alot cheaper and they ended up feeding them the same thing.
Post # 16
I definitely think you and your FI should be the one to make this decision and child free weddings are nothing new. But I do think that you should not take what she said so hard. I mean she was talking about his neice, not some third cousin twice removed. And at 12 she knows that there is this event that everyone talks about that she isn’t getting invited to. Maybe she felt that she should say something so the two of you knew how the neice felt (if I hurt someomes feelings I would want to know).
In the end you and your FI made a decision and people will get over it. If this is really the only thing she said, I would let it go and move on!