(Closed) No kids at wedding

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
11753 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You don’t put anything on your invitation other than you simply address the invitation to who is invited – Mr and Mrs. Smith.  If children are invited, you put Mr. and Mrs. Smith and Family.  

No we are not having children outside of the flower girl and ring bearer. We will provide babysitters to those who might need it.  We will also make exceptions of course for people with little babies.  We don’t see it being an issue since most of our guests don’t want their kids to come with them to a black tie event. Also, our venue is in the hotel so they can easily check in with the babysitter we provide since their kid is right upstairs! 

Post # 4
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Unfortunately, there’s no way around the fact that it’s almost certainly *going* to offend someone, especially if most kids aren’t invited but a few are.

You get to have the wedding you want and make the call about whether/which kids to invite, but that doesn’t mean that everyone will automatically be happy about what you decide. Whatever choice you make comes with consequences that you will get to deal with.

Post # 5
Member
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

We are not having kids at our wedding.  We haven’t sent out invitations yet so I’m not sure if we’ll mention it or not, but this is what I put up on our website (in several places) “Please be aware that we are having an adults-only ceremony and reception.  However, we would be more than happy to help you find a sitter in the area for the night.  Just let us know!”

It’s not terribly careful about not offending people, but it’s straightforward and provides for a solution as well (if you’re willing to take that step).

Post # 6
Member
8163 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I put “adult reception to follow” in small print at the bottom of the invite. Maybe it’s not propre etiquette but it sure saved me a ton of headache.

Post # 7
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

We are having kids, but what you should do is just address the invite to who IS invited. So if your uncle John and Mary are invited, but not their three kids, the invite should be addressed to John and Mary Smith. You can put that you’ve saved 2 seats for them at the wedding on the RSVP card, and then if you get it back and they RSVP for their kids, you need to call them ASAP and let them know that the invitation was only for those whose names were on it.

Post # 8
Member
2971 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

our age cut off was 11/12, but we made an exception for my husband’s nieces and nephews.  we tried to make it very clear that kids weren’t invited. we put “adult reception” on the reception card, only wrote the names on those invited on the inner envelope, our rsvp card said, “___ seats have been reserved….” and we mentioned it on our website and save the dates.

however, we still had people assume/ask if they could bring their kids. most people understood why we didn’t want kids there and even those with kids told us that they were happy to have a night out with the grown-ups!

but we did have people who were bothered, but it was our wedding and our money, so i got to make the rules! hah! 

Post # 10
Member
10454 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

On the invites I’d put a line clearly stating how many seats are reserved for the invitees. If they do ask, just say that it’s only close family kids. I’m sure someone will still be offended but there is just no way to please everyone, so don’t worry about it. You have drawn a clear and concise line that makes sense. 

Post # 11
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m having only a select few children. I haven’t done invitations yet, but I plan to follow up the invitation with a mass-email with information about the venue, transport, dress code etc. I will also include this line: “Due to venue restrictions, we are unable to accommodate children other than those explicitly invited”. I hope that’ll do.

Post # 12
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

We aren’t having any children at our wedding and I read somewhere that it was bad etiquette to put that in your invitations.

Instead, I have it at the bottom of most pages on our wedding website stating that it is an adult-only reception due to venue space limitations. Sometimes, it’s easier to say that then to say you just don’t want kids. Another approach we are also taking is my mom and my FMIL are personally calling family members with children and letting them know the situation.

So far, this has also gone over well and we’ve had no serious issues. A couple of people have retaliated and said they wouldn’t come, but for the most part folks were relieved to have a night off.

Post # 13
Member
430 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I wasn’t going to have children originaly either outside of my FH’s kids.. However we figured that the familes would not come if we didn’t allow children to come even thought I am sure some o them will hire babysitters.. If you prefer adults only, I agree with a post above about “Adult Reception to follow”.  I think that politely states no children.

Post # 14
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee

You can put “Adult Only Reception” or “An Adult Only Affair” on the bottom of your invitations, like pp mentioned.These are two examples I have seen before on invites. Its clear and not rude IMO. this is also what I will do once I get married. My cut off age if 21. the only children that will attend, would be our daughters, my niece and his nieces and nephews. its like 10 kids all together.

Post # 16
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Some will and some won’t – some will feel as you did and welcome the opportunity for a “date night,” while some won’t want to attend without their children. All you can do is set the rules/plans, you can’t really do anything to control how people respond to them.

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