Post # 1
So I already knew long ago that as much as I love babies and kids and want my own.. I don’t feel it is the right place for them at my wedding. We are having an evening wedding. There will be drinking and lots of it. We are having a real PARTY. It will go into the late night and my friends and I are a ton of fun when we drink and dance. (I may be making it sound raunchier than it really is.. there will be adult family there too who are not crazy and loud like me and my friends). So I do not find it to be the right place for kids. I don’t want them running through us and making any of us fall over at the end of the night and I don’t want any of us falling on any kids (No one will be falling but these are my worst case scenarios) I just don’t want us tripping over kiddies, I don’t want babies crying at our party, also and most of all.. we really just can’t afford to pay for everyone’s kids to eat as we are already beyond our guest limit financially. Plus I don’t want peopel leaving early to put kids to bed. This being said.. I just found out my cousin from another state cannot make it because she can’t leae the baby for the days that she would be here and all the family would be at the wedding. While FH and I already figured this much, I am bummed. My mom is really bummed and thinks maybe we can make the exception. However, then how do I not invite the babies of my FH’s cousins (and there are MANY) and then all of their kids and my BM’s kids,e tc, etc. I can’t have one and no one else right? Let alone my FH will flip on me if I do that and not let everyone else bring their kids. I just feel so bad. I want her there but mostly I just can’t afford the 20+ kids that would be there and that’s NOT the kind of party I want. I’m sure I’m not alone. WHat did you guys do? all or nothing?
Post # 3
Stand your ground. I think it’s better that one cousin not attend than your DH being upset or other wedding guests being upset about their child not being able to attend. Can your cousin come in and hire a sitter to stay at the hotel? Or stay with a sitter at another relative’s house? Maybe you could offer to pay for the sitter or pitch in some money to make it a more affordable option?
I didn’t want to have kids at my wedding/reception and my brother pulled this stunt. I gave in and had a crying infant during my wedding ceremony/vows. Then my brother dipped out of the reception early (probably within 10 minutes) and left the baby with my mom. So annoyed.
Post # 4
@StarIzInkd: How old is the baby? I always think it is appropriate to make exceptions for nursing infants (under about 6-9 months). Not only are they hard to get babysat, they aren’t mobile (not crawling until at least 6-7 months) so there aren’t the safety / disruption issues you have with toddlers.
If the child is older than that and cousin fells he/she can’t be babysat, then I agree, you don’t want to make an exception.
Post # 5
@StarIzInkd: I am 1000000000000% right there with you! Anything living and breathing under 18 is not allowed at our wedding…This is definitely bitchy of me, but I don’t want anything crying or whining during the ceremony, or our guests to worry about their little ones. Our wedding is a formal event and no place for a kid…that said, FI has about 4 first cousins who will not be attending because they’re too young. We both are in the “absolutely no chance in hell” camp in terms of letting kids come. 😛
Post # 6
@StarIzInkd: If getting a babysitter would otherwise be an option, you could recommend some local babysitters.
Post # 7
I agree with all or nothing!
Post # 8
The babywill actually be almost 2 years old by the wedding and she would never leave her with a sitter that she didn’t know incredibly well- I don’t blame her but yeah that’s not an option.
Unfortunately the 19 + 20 year olds at our wedding aren’t of the maturity level I wish they were and I am afraid I am going to feel like I have to watch over them to behave and not be stupid and that bugs the crap out of me. Let alone them being raudy AND having to worry about babies /small children on the same dance floor.. absolutely not! Us grown ups deserve to have a grown up night is how I feel.
Post # 9
My mom forced me to make exceptions, but I would tell them that you’ll be sorry to miss them at the wedding and leave it at that. I don’t think you should have children at your wedding if you don’t want to.
Post # 10
@StarIzInkd: 2 years old is plenty old enough to leave with a friend or in-law while she flies to your wedding (which should be a maximum of 2 nights). If she can’t do that, then too bad, unfortunately she can’t be there. I would advocate making an exception for a sibling’s child, but not a cousin’s child.
Post # 11
I wouldn’t make any exceptions, especially if your BM has a child she’s leaving at home.
Post # 12
Eh, this is just what happens when you have “no kids.” I’m sure you’re cousin loves you, but but she cant/doesn’t want to leave the baby home for multiple days which is pretty reasonable. I don’t think you have to make an exception, it just is what it is. Just own your decision and let her own yours.
I’m sure she’ll love looking at your photos. : )
Post # 13
@StarIzInkd: We had a child free wedding. I made an exceptin to my out of town inlaws for thier 2 year old son. My family, even though they live within 20 minutes of both venues, were not happy at all.
It’s all or nothing. People will get offended.
Post # 14
I’m going through this as well right now, also having a black tie/evening wedding .. there would have been 18 kids under the age of 6 if we had invited my fiance’s cousins’ children (I have 3 little ones on my side)…we stood our ground which unfortunately caused a lot of problems with my fiances family as this would be the first affair someone didn’t include the kids in. Our venue also doesn’t charge a different price for kids versus adults which is absurd in itself (who would pay the amount we are for someone that will not appreciate what it is)
Was even told there would be no joy or laughter at our wedding because the kids would not be there. .. um excuse me .. I hope there is even more joy and laughter as I would think everyone will be more relaxed/enjoy themselves
That being said, many of my fiances cousins will not be coming since they would be traveling across country (they live in ca and we’re on the east coast). Judging by how these individuals reacted I really don’t mind that they will not be at our wedding. Its sad but at the same time you have to stick with what you want/believe in.
A wedding to me is quite different than a sweet sixteen, bat mitzvah, birthday party, etc….but I respect that not everyone would agree with this decision
Post # 15
@Charmed3: No joy?! Um.. how about the JOY that YOU are married?! 🙂 People sometimes say silly things when things don’t go the way they feel is right.
Now my BM says I should make the exception for her since she is flying in and everyone else is semi local. I still wouldn’t feel right about it though and it sucks ebcause of all babies- I would SOOOO want hers there! But that’s it. ANd you can’t play favorites.
Post # 16
Ughhh now I get a text from my local cousin/Bm who I’m very close to all surprised that I’m not inviting my cousins baby! Now it’s like knife in the heart. Is the whole family going to be against me?? Meanwhile the cousin who is my BM had a wedding the weekend of my original wedding date and I changed it so she could be there and apparently am still upset cause I keep bringing up how I hate that now it’s a summer wedding 🙁