Post # 1
Due to our very large families and our very small budget we decided that the only way we could invite everyone we wanted was to not invite kids. (I actually decided long before we were engaged because I just don’t think kids belong at a late night wedding with alcohol).
I broke this news to my sister (MOH) long before we got engaged. Since our engagement 3 weeks ago my sister has shared the news with her 2 children (ages 12 & 8) and they have all been talking about what fun my wedding will be. I gently reminded my sister that we decided not to have children at the wedding for the following reasons:
3. Late hours
4. It is ADULT ONLY so NO ONE in my or his family will be bringing their children.
We did the calculations and with just the children in our families and close friends it would be an extra 50+ people we would have to tack on to our catering costs (at least another $750, if not more). Trying to keep out wedding budget under 10 grand that just isn’t going to work.
Anyway, enough of my reasons.
When I explained this to my sister she accused me of getting an attitude and then told me it was now my responsibility to break the news to my nieces because they are all excited about the wedding. She, half jokingly, said she didn’t care and was going to bring them anyway.
Am I wrong to think she should be the responsible for telling her own children since she told them they were coming when she already knew I had said no children?
Am I wrong to get only slightly bent out of shape that my sister is being her usual self in thinking rules don’t apply to her since she is my older sister. I have a feeling that throughout my planning this will not be the only time I have to stand up to her for something.
She actually started calling me bridezilla over this!!!!!
Post # 3
The best thing you can do when dealing with a person who will always find things to complain about is to stop sharing details with her. She can tell her kids herself, and if they bring it up to you just be honest theat there isn’t enough room/it is an adults only event.
Post # 4
Stand your ground, and if it comes down to it, you may have to tell your nieces. I think your sister is being immature, and if you think she will be this way throughout planning, don’t tell her any details. Simple as that. Trust me, you are going to get flack for pretty much anything you do, get used to it! :p
Post # 5
@Kristin2013: Your sister is being a brat. Have you spoken to your mother about this? Keep reminding your sister about the rules and how they apply to everyone. Also, remind her there will be a hostess at the wedding that will not no qualms telling her to take her daughters home.
Post # 6
although i believe you have the right to invite whoever you want i also feel that these arent just guest children, they are your niece and nephew and do you want to compromise with her on this?
i can understand not wanting to invite 50 kids from various friends and families but i couldnt imagine my nephews/niece not being welcomed
Post # 7
i’m also kind of surprised that you wouldnt want to make an exception for your neices, but if i were them at that age, i probably wouldnt have much fun at a night wedding where everyone else there is an adult. maybe you could point that out to your sister? even if she brought them along, they wouldnt really be participating or having a good time. i was dragged to adult get-togethers all my childhood because of my dad’s job. honestly, they were nothing but boring, so i dont understand why your sister would be so gung-ho about it. between this, the budget, and the alcohol, saying no to kids is perfectly reasonable.
Post # 8
@eloping: I don’t just have these 2 nieces, I have 8 nieces total from all my siblings. and my fiance has 12 nieces and nephews. So that’s 20 right now. and why not stop with them? My very close cousins have 12 children. and our friend’s children make up the rest. So it would hurt a lot of feelings if I just allowed those 2, plus those 2 would be bored if there were no other children there. I really want to keep this an adult only party.
Post # 9
OP, though we will be having children at our wedding, I totally understand your feeling to not invite ANY children.
It’s not fair for your sister to put you in the situation of having to tell your nieces, but you may have too if she keeps this up.
Post # 10
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Since you told your sister beforehand, she’s way out of line. See if you can get your parents on board. We had MAJOR family drama over my 5-year old nephew not being invited (no kids are), it and helped that my parents fully supported our decision.
I agree that evening weddings really aren’t appropriate for kids- my nephew’s bed time is right when dinner was going to be served.
She *should* tell the kids, but she might not- unfortunately, you may have to break it to the girls that this is an adults only event.
You might want to remind your sister that if the girls “just show up,” there won’t be food or seats for them. You’re probably going to get flack from other family members, but hold your ground- your day, your way. The kids will survive. 🙂
Post # 11
@Kristin2013: I’m sorry; I can understand your reasoning and agree with your IP, and just want you to know you’re not alone there. I went through a similiar situation, which was also very tough for me.
In the end I gave in and FI’s family and I are still working to mend the hurt feelings all around. We’re inviting his neices/nephews (8 plus their babysitters) and my direct cousins (6) and that’s it for kids.
If you can get your parents on board, I’d say that’d help a ton. And maybe you should be the one to tell your neices/nephews so you can relay the message how you want (0therwise who knows what your sis will say to them). Maybe you can plan something special with just all the kids one afternoon (potluck or something)…a party just for them and you guys to celebrate your marriage?
Post # 12
We didn’t want any children at ours, I have compromised and agreed to my niece being flower girl but that she has to be picked up by 7pm (she’s actually my cousins daughter, but calls me aunty), and everyone is fine with that, we will also have 2 newborm babies there, we have added a bit in our invites explaining that due to a restriction on numbers we are unable to invite children but there will however be two nursing mothers there plus my FlowerGirl… shortened version obviously lol