(Closed) No-kids policy advice.

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

It will change the minds of some. We had a handful of couples who declined our invitation because of the no kids policy. We paid for babysitting near the venue for any babies up to 4 or so. (Both Darling Husband and I started staying with grandparents at that age and felt it was an appropriate age for kids to be left for a day or two.) And a few took advantage of the babysitting. But some with older kids – 4 to 12, which was our cutoff – simply refused, saying their kids could not do without them for a whole day. While we were sad that some friends and family felt that way, we were undeterred. Can you image what they, and their children, would have been like at our cocktail party wedding??

Post # 4
46228 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I totally support brides who want a no-kids policy, just as I support those who choose to invite them.

If you think not allowing the kids at the wedding will deter your friends from attending, I would deal with it upfront by adding an insert that explains the arrangements that you are willing to make for the children.

If any of the babies are still nursing, the moms will appreciate a room close to the ceremony and reception so they can nurse the babes as necessary. Some churches have a nursery where the parents can still watch the ceremony.

Providing enough comptetent sitters is key. Keep in mind that some parents are so attached to their kids that they will neither leave them with a sitter , especially one they don’t know, no matter how competent. Those people may choose not to attend.

Post # 5
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

this was a hard one for me. i wanted no kids but it just wasnt a option in the end. thankfully we dont have too many kids, just fi cousins the youngest at about 8 and all my cousins are older then me ( 25) . my nephew will be the youngest one there ( my ring boy) and he will be 21months on the wedding. other guests will not have their kids invited.

good luck

Post # 6
3 posts

Use the phrase “we have reserved (Number of seats) in your honor. ” That should give the guest an idea that there child in not included , but these other phrases could help as well

We ask that because of the late hour, no kids be brought to the reception.

No childcare will be provided , we ask that all parents make specific arrangments.

I have meet a couple of brides who invited children and hired a babysitter, these children were placed in another room of the venue.

Post # 8
998 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

My mother also said absolutely no children should be attending my wedding due to the venue and time. Since my fiancé’s mother still told her family that they could bring the kids, she is now going to provide a sitting service in the hotel where we blocked off rooms for all out of town guests. We put this information on the wedding website. The out of town guess have to look at this website in order to get the hotel information, so we made sure they saw it ahead of time. 

Post # 9
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

i too am having no kids.
i have been to 12 weddings in the last 14 years or so and my daughter was only invited to one (and that was because my friend who was getting married has a daughter the same age and they are friends so it was more to keep her company). all of the weddings i attended had no kids and i love kids however agree that it is not the place for them, especially when there is heavy drinking etc (depending on your family however i know mine). I would never assume that my daughter was invited to a wedding unless it specifically had her name on the invite, however i do know many people who would assume they could just bring their kids or that they were invited. Be very specific with the invites, have the names of the guests and option yes/no etc. dont have an options for them just to state who is attending as then they can add on extras etc. i am offering babysitting and help sourcing babysitting. the accomodation is almost next door to the reception as to make it convienient for those with children. Most people understand “no kids” you should be ok, your 31 i imagine all of your friends have a similiar maturity. good luck xo

Post # 11
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I have a 16 month old and wouldn’t be offended in the slightest if I wasn’t able to bring my baby to a wedding.. actually I wouldn’t anyway. (except to my friends wedding where she’ll be the flower girl) It’s your wedding and your day, your mom is right it does take focus off you plus you won’t have to worry about kids running around while you’re trying to cut the cake etc.

I plan on having no kids either but because we have a lot of out of town guests we may offer childcare. I think no matter what you do it’s fine.

Post # 12
1524 posts
Bumble bee

@queencharlotte04: if u dont mind im gonna take the stand point as a guest with a kid. if u set up a decent childcare that is secure i would definitely go and use the system u set up but if u dont help with childcare i wouldnt go. not because im not a true friend but having chidren you have to prioritize and sometimes its difficult (especially when they are tiny babies) so dont take it as they aren’t good friends but their children are a priority in such a sticky situation. JMO

Post # 13
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I would address the invites as Mr. and Mrs. and leave it at that. Personally, I’ve never been to a wedding where there are young children there who are just kids of friends. The only weddings I’ve ever been to with kids have been nieces, nephews, family, and sometimes they have a lot of nieces and nephews, but the kid invites never extend out to friends with kids. 

Post # 14
7776 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you should make an exception for nursing, non-crawling infants (younger than 6-7 months), because getting a sitter is very hard if they are breastfeeding (or even not breastfeeding but very young). They just lie in their pram or baby capsule and sleep. There are no issues with them running or crawling around, so there are no safety issues. Of course you don’t have to, but then there is the chance some of your friends might decline to attend.

Above that age, they should be able to arrange a sitter. I find best is to have the parents’ names on the invites only. Also, since they’re your friends, perhaps let them know verbally that it’s no children.

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