Post # 1
My future sister in law and her husband have two VERY badly behaved children who are 3 and 5. They don’t discipline them and then yell at each other about not disciplining them. The kids yell and scream and fight constantly. They hit people. They are the kids who will stick their hands in the cake and tear down flowers because it’s funny. They misbehave for attention and it works. They are the reason we are having a “no kids” wedding.
We are two months out. A couple months ago, the SIL told us she had it all planned out who was going to watch the kids. All of a sudden, those people dropped out. I feel like they are working up to saying that they have to bring the kids to the wedding. This is simply not an option. Both the sister in law and her husband are in the wedding party. I can see it now, them screaming at the kids while up on the altar.
What do I do now? I am willing to pay for someone to watch the kids at the hotel.
Post # 2
newcitylights: Your FI’s family=your FI’s issue to deal with. He is the one to speak to them so they don’t take out their anger on you.
Your FI can offer to pay for the sitter if tht’s what the two of you want to do.
Post # 3
julies1949: If it came down to it, I think my fiance would bend and say we need to make an exception for them (god, any kids but those I would make an exception for!). I really wouldn’t mind paying. I get that it sucks trying to find a sitter. I just can’t have them at the wedding so there needs to be some solution.
Post # 4
Girl, I feel you.
We’re having a no kids wedding, and we have quite the issue arising at the moment. One of the groomsmen is traveling from Canada for the wedding and he plans on bringing his entire family with him, including the two kids. I guess they’re going to make a family vacation out of it. Great. But, we’re not having a kids wedding at all. Our wedding is formal, it’s not just some backyard-style, casual event.
I’ve offered to pay for a baby sitter at the hotel (which is only a mile away) and they’re being really weird about it. I’ve offered to have them skype interview with the sitters so they can be comofortable with their choice. They’re super hippie parents who don’t believe in using sitters or something.
To make it worse, my FI is not understanding why the groomsmen’s kids can’t come. So, that’s not helping at all.
So, while I don’t really have any advice, you’re not alone in having to deal with this sort of drama.
Post # 5
newcitylights: do they not know anybody else who can watch their kids? Its not like the wedding is tomorrow and the babysitter backed out.
Post # 6
OMGMrsW2B: omg that sucks! Why do people think it’s cool to do that?
Fall_In_Love22: The husband texted my fiance that they were “having a lot of touble” finding someone to replace the people who backed out. It sounds like a cop out to me, they know plenty of other people. Even if they want to play it that way, I’ll pay for someone to be with them at the hotel. Ugh I hate this.
I’m so stressed with other wedding things right now and this is something that’s really sending me over the edge.
Post # 7
I think that if they continue to be unable to find a sitter (or just don’t feel like it), you should go for the babysitter at the hotel option. But i would make sure that your FI is onboard and will back you if push comes to shove about it. Do you have any other kids that are close to you in any way? If so, you can say that you can’t pick and choose this late in the game at the risk of offending the other parents who have had to arrange for sitters. Granted I am drawn to a child-free wedding experience so I may be biased, but I’m surprised your FI would be willing to bend on this if it means throwing a wild card (two wild cards actually) into your special day that you’ve spent countless hours coordinating.
Post # 8
You’re just going to have to be very firm. We had the very same issue with my SIL and their 2 kids, aged 2 and 4. She was incensed we didn’t ask them to be in the wedding party and we didn’t want them in the wedding. They aren’t poorly behaved, but they are always the exact center of attention in my husband’s family and I wanted him to be the center of attention for once on his own wedding day.
Their babysitter also mysteriously backed out, and they attempted to tell us the kids were just going to come and we could do nothing about it. It was nasty, but we told them over email and telephone that they were not welcome, period. Very bad fights about this. I offered to have someone watch them at the hotel, but my SIL rudely snarled “I WILL NOT HAVE A STRANGER WATCHING MY CHILDREN!” Finally, a compromise was reached– I paid for a church lady to watch the 2 year old during the ceremony, the 4 year old came to the ceremony (I did not invite her, we were just told this was happening and tough shit. I’m still pretty pissed about it), and then my SIL (a bridesmaid) made her husband sit with the two children in the hotel room (the wedding was also AT the hotel) and he didn’t come to the reception at all. Whatever; saved us his plate fee. Relations are still strained. I was never thanked for paying someone to watch the 2 year old during the ceremony.
These people clearly do not care about you and your wishes, so you’re going to have to not care about their feelings right back. Be polite, but very firm. Be the jerk. Contact your church for a babysitter and have that babysitter show up. If your sister has an issue, then say that one of them will have to drop out of the wedding to watch the kids. Inform your wedding planner or the person at your church they are not invited. I had to post someone outside the bridal changing room because my MIL and SIL kept trying to sneak the 4 year old into the brides dressing room. IT IS NOT ABOUT THEIR CHILDREN.
Post # 9
newcitylights: I love kids, but I cannot put up with misbehaved kids. Whatever you do, don’t cave in. Have your FI handle it and make sure you are both on the same page of not letting them come. It looks like they are trying to be sneaky. ANd I would do the same, I would pay for a sitter, no matter what the cost because its your wedding day, and thats just it – its one day – and you will not have it ruined if it can be prevented.
Post # 10
Being super firm is best. Its hard though. We had an issue with this where they simply COULDN’T leave their kids and come to our wedding, blah blah, and instead of leaving the kids with their grandmother or aunt (where they stay all the time) they were contemplating buying two extra plane tickets to fly their horribly behaved children to another state to be at my child-free wedding.
I arranged for a sitter at the hotel, and ALL OF A SUDDEN “oh we’ll leave them with grandma.”
It’s like they really felt the lives of their ill-behaved 4 and 6 year old boys were going to be enriched by attending our black tie wedding, and as soon as that was clear it wasn’t an option, they solved their own problem.
I was willing to pay serious sitter cash for the kids NOT to attend my wedding though, so as long as you are fine with paying for the sitter, I’d go that route. It means business.
Post # 11
I don’t know where you live but in SF there are lots of babysitting services like urbansitter, wondersitter, etc. Yelp is a good place to start. My wedding will also be child free and I’ve already referred these services out to guests that need it. Good luck!
Post # 12
You have to make sure you and fiance are on the same page and he should be makign the suggestions for the sitter at the hotel which may be more difficult to find and book than you think.
Find someone willing to take them to the movies so the sitter isn’t stuck in a one bedroom with the terrors – that’s why a lot of babysitters don’t want to babysit in hotel rooms. 🙂 plus if kids get crazy hotel managers get phone calls and then it becomes an issue.
Post # 13
- Wedding: July 2015 - The Biltmore Ballrooms
I am enforcing a no kids reception. BUT i am having a kids room for those who dont listen lol.