Weddingbee boards

  Okay, so some of you may remember my post under the Why Don't People Understand No Kids?!?!  that we had gotten a response card back with a kid's name on it, even though the invitation was addressed only to the parents.  My fiance asked his mom to tell her that unfortunately, the son would not be allowed to come.  That was a month ago.  Now, two weeks from the wedding, we find out MIL says she just can't tell her sister that.  Sooo...we have written her a nicely worded letter explaining the situtation and have offered to help her find a babysitter in this area if she needs that.

  Last night, my fiance mentioned that there is a small chance she may bring the kid anyway.  I guess she is kind of one for pushing boundries, and has done so at family occasions in the past. 

  Have any of you guys had people show up with kids at a no-kids wedding, even after the person was specifically asked not to bring the kid?  What do you do/say?  I don't want to cause a scene at my own wedding, but I don't really want to pretend as if they did nothing wrong either.  And I don't want other people to think we allowed her to bring her son, but didn't allow the to bring their kid(s).  Oh, and the receiving line...how awkward would that be???

 *Sigh*  I guess I just hope she leaves the kid at home or calls us to take us up on the offer of helping her find a babysitter.

I agree with calling her in person.  We had a similar situation and we just explained that everyone else with children had made other accomodations and that it would be incredibly rude to our other guests if there was an exception made after they had gone through the trouble of making other arrangements.  There really shouldn't be an issue as long as you provide plenty of alternatives for her...and if she balks, than you can call her out that it doesn't seem to be that she can't find other arrangements, but rather that she isn't being considerate and perhaps you can work out a solution together to help her from feeling the way she feels.

Good luck.

Okay, so I will call, (or make my fiance call, since it's HIS aunt, lol) on Monday if I haven't heard from her.  That way I know she will have had enough time to have gotten the letter.

So, FutureMrsMorgan, did you do a receiving line, and if so, what do you say when the univited guests and/or uninvited children came through it?  Did you just smile graciously and thank them for coming while biting your tongue till it bled?

EJS4Y8, she probably won't have trouble FEEDING the kid, since it's a buffet, but she MIGHT have trouble finding a spot to sit with him, because we are having place cards.

Corn, I did mention in my letter that we weren't trying to exclude only her son, but that other family members and friends wouldn't be bringing their children either.  I will be sure that's mentioned in the phone call if needed too.  Fiance has a big family, and while my family doesn't have much in the way of kids many of our family friends do.  Part of the reason we decided not to invite kids is because our guest list would have quickly gotten out of our control (and budget!) if kids were included.

I really appreciate everyone's advice/best wishes for this all to work out.  My fiance has even said, "If she gets mad and disowns us, who cares?"  I can't say that I've ever even MET the woman and we've been together five years.  The Mr. said he doesn't think he's seen her since the Christmas before we started dating.

Let your MIL deal with it if it happens.  I think the phone calls beforehand other's have suggested are a good idea, but just don't worry about it if it happens.  If they're struggling to find a place, refer her to FMIL.  She's the one who didn't have the guts to call her sister, she's the one who can deal witht he fall out.

I have kids in my party, my nephews and neices alone are 5 kids, then two other couples have kids at one has one kid the other has two so I just added them all together; if they cry I am going to instruct the parents to bring them out (They're my sis's kids  and bro's kids who are youngest, so I can be blunt)

If after all you have gone through to accommodate this woman she STILL brings her child with her, I would just be the bigger person and graciously act like nothing is wrong.  It's your day, and to let it be ruined by her doing that, would put a blemish on your day!  If any other guests ask about it, which I really doubt they will, you can simply say thanks for following your wishes, it appears that the aunt was not able to go along with them, or something like that. 

@HouseofJ Nope, we don't have kids.  As much as I would LOVE to be able to accommodate children at our wedding, it was more of a budget thing.  We just don't have room in the budget for everyone's kids. I love kids, but it just came down to the fact that we are friends with the kids parents, not them.  In a perfect world, with a bigger budget, we would have invited them in a heartbeat. 

Just as an udate, the aunt didn't bring her son.  Or herself, for that matter.  Mr. Apricot wasn't hurt by her absence; they are far from close. 

HouseofJ: No, we do not have kids of our own.  Our reasons for excluding children were many.  One being that this was my special day and I didn't want it ruined by screaming/misbehaving kids.  Another was that we know a LOT of kids since my mom does daycare and I help out sometimes.  We couldn't pick and choose what who to invite from the group, and we couldn't afford to invite them all.  So we chose to invite none, with the exception of the flower girl and ring bearer.  We then had an "open house" type reception for the daycare families who cared to come.  It's not that I don't like kids; I LOVE them.  But like I said, I didn't want my day taken over by them.  I've read the horror stories! :)

Actually, Miss Movie, I (respectfully) beg to differ about not noticing a baby! :)  Babies make noise.  They cry.  A lot, (especially if they're a colic-y baby like I was!).  It's pretty much the only way the can communicate, and it's understandable, but NOT something I wanted to hear on my wedding day.  I have taken care of kids for years.  My flower girl and ring bearer I have taken care of since they were a few weeks old.  It's really not that hard to find a family member or friend or other qualified babysitter to take care of a baby, even a newborn, for a night.

Cidesign: Is MIL still threatening to stay home to babysit?  I think it's TERRIBLE that she would do such a thing on her SON'S wedding day, especially since they already found a different sitter.

oh thats funny jmc, I smiled,imagining a 2 year old washing dishes