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I don't think you are being unreasonable since most engagement pictures are cuddling or kissing types. I don't know what you can do to convince him though.
Maybe you can agree to only a certain number of cuddly kissy ones. Not all of them have to be that way.
I would go through blogs and find examples of couples holding hands, smiling at each other across a table, the girl leaning back against the guy, etc. and show him that there are ways to be close with each other in photos without showing the world your private moments. Or maybe photos of the two of you doing something would be more comfortable for him? Like eating ice cream together or going on the carousel in Bryant Park--more active shots.
I feel like my FI is going to feel very similarly to yours when we get around to discussing the e pics more in detail. He's very private about things that that (although he's a fan of PDAs somehow...).
@kericita - yeah, I tried that. I also said we don't have to show them to everyone. But he doesn't want to cuddle / kiss in front of even one other person (photographer), not even for one or two pictures.
@hilsy85 - I think those are good ideas, that's probably what we'll end up doing - holding hands, activities, etc
The whole situation just seems crazy to me, because clearly most guys are fine with this, as evidenced by the hundreds of cute e-pics I've looked through...
I agree with hilsy85, have him look and gather some 'inspiration' pictures for epics so you can get an idea of what he want. Maybe it will turn out he dones't have bad taste or maybe it'll turn out that they're just not worth doing if he's going to be a stick in the mud.
Is he extremely against PDA? If so, I guess I would understand more where he's coming from. I have a married friend who I have never even seen hold her husband's hand out in public because she is highly against PDA.
That stinks for you though :( I think e-pics should be fun/romantic.. but my hubby doesn't like "posed" pics, so he didn't want e-pics either :P
Surely he will ave to get used to being photgraphed looking loving/kissing for your wedding photos anyway?! He may be nervous about looking a bit silly, but it's best to get comfortable with it now than later...
I had a no kissing rule of our photos too. It's not my style. At your wedding that's one thing, since it's completely candid and the beauty of the moment. But I think you can still look romantic without sucking face :) Holding hands, hugs, things like don't cross the PDA line for me. Would that work?
If you go with the flow, it may just naturally happen. Maybe you won kiss but you may look at eachother. I also agree with showing him examples.. good ones.
I can understand being a bit disapointed but I don't think its the end of the world. Honestly I don't love looking at other people's kissy kissy pictures. I think they should be kept more privately. Not saying they shouldn't be taken... but I don't really think they should be shared as freely as they are.
I think there are still TONS of cool/cute/romantic poses you could do. What about some photos of him kissing your forehead or cheek? Or hugging? Could that be a compromise between your want for some intimate photos and his being uncomfortable with the PDA?
getting you two out and about interacting, doing something, laughing and having fun etc...can still work just great. Over the years I've only had one couple choose no kissing whatsoever (her choice) and it still worked quite well because they were still having fun. While I'm with you for some kind of comprimise being good - if he's that dead set against it I don't think I would pressure him too much on that.
I think there are TONS of cute pictures you can get without going all PDA. We didn't really think about this before our epics, but I ended up hating all the ones of us kissing - we are just very unattractive kissers! For our wedding, I'll probably ask our photographer (who is awesome - the other pics were GREAT) to avoid those sorts of photos. Maybe one, during the ceremony.
Hmmm, wonder why he's taken such a stance on that. I think the picture you posted is so cute and it doesn't necessarily show two people about to kiss. They're just sharing a tender moment. That being said, if you know how he feels, you don't want him to feel forced into a particular pose. All of the shots of the day could be compromised. There are lots of other romantic shots you can do without kissing. But that depends on how you define romantic I suppose.
I tried to post a pic of what I thought could work, totally won't let me.
We didn't do any cuddly/romantic type engagement pictures. Just not my thing. But if you want some, then you SHOULD do a mix. It's just that neither DH or I wanted those kind of photos....they aren't our thing at all.
I have a lot of photos of us (e-pics) that are of us kissing. Honestly, I feel a little akward when I show these to my family and friends. I really prefer the ones that are cute and romantic and you can see our faces!
I think maybe a way to compromise this is to ask him to maybe take a few of these shots, but let him know that they will only be used for you personally. They do not have to be shared/showed to anyone else if he is not comfortable with it.
If that doesn't fly, then I agree you should still talk to him about other cute/romantic pictures you can do that do not involve kissing.
We didn't want kissy-e-pics either, and we planned on not doing any. There were a few moments when it just felt natural and fine to kiss each other though, and so we have a few pictures like that. They're some of my favorites, but we didn't share those ones with our parents. :)
I recommend finding a strong theme, and letting that carry the load. It can be very cute, romantic, and use little to no kissing or such. A great example would be the many e-photos on a certain blog I draw inspiration from. Lots of theme heavy photos with very little kissing ever. http://greenweddingshoes.blogspot.com/search/label/engagement%20photos
This blog is a compilation of many different photog's work. I love it.
I wouldn't pressure him on it, since he already seems really set against it. You want to keep it a fun experience for him, so he's comfortable enough that the pictures turn out great. I agree with previous posters that you guys should just plan poses with shots of you holding hands, being affectionate, doing activities, etc. Good luck!
Thanks for the advice guys! We've brainstormed some more ideas that we're both happy with - hopefully I'll have some great photos to share in a few weeks :)
I've seen a lot of great e-shoots that aren't all kisses! I still think you can take some great pics together :) just make sure your photog is 'in the loop' ahead of time too, haha.
@girlwitharing, like I said, we did a no-kissy e-pic shoot...I attached a few of the ones we like.
Also, we did have some close up ones that were blacked out pretty heavy--like my avatar. So we're close but the editing makes it so you can't see our faces. I really like them. They're not too intense kitty-kissy
I take engagement photos.. I HATE kissing photos. The last couple I did was great, but they liked kissing. It's a personal preference, your photographer shoud be able to work with what you want :)
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FI and I are preparing for our e-photos. We were discussing poses we like and don't like, and I was surprised to hear that he absolutely refuses to do any photos where we are kissing or "looking like we're about to kiss." His reasoning is that these moments should be private between us. He also reminded me that he didn't particularly want e-pics, and is already compromising by agreeing to do them. He is very adamant about his position.
I understand that I shouldn't pressure him to do something he's not comfortable with (it's unfair to him, and the photos wouldn't even come out right if he weren't into it). But I was really looking forward to some cute, romantic shots, and I feel like his limitation really takes away from that. I would understand if the poses in question were truly racy, like splashing around in the water in bathing suits (I really wanted to do that, by the way, but didn't pursue it since he's more conservative). But kissing? I mean, something like the below is against his rules. I am so upset and I don't even know if I want to do the pictures at this point. Because if we're just standing there next to each other, it's like any other picture of us.
Am I being unreasonable? Is there anything I can do?