No longer expecting a proposal (long)

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@Evanstobe:  A year isn’t enough time to get this upset quite yet imo. Give it at least another year before getting antsy about a proposal.

Post # 5
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@Evanstobe:  based on everything you said you’re probably right…he’s probably not ready.

I would be concerned about the fact that he was engaged for 5 years and no marriage…is this evidence of a larger commitment issue? Is this cycle going to repeat with you?

I don’t know anything here but if I were you I’d just want to be sure that he was really capable and on board with marriage at some point – if it’s something that’s important to you. 

 

Post # 6
Member
1437 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

It’s been a year. ONE year! Way too early for the “stringing me along” talk.

It sounds like he probably proposed to his ex long before he was actually ready. I doubt he wants to make the same mistake twice. Why would you want to compare yourself to his ex when it so obviously did not work out? I’d think you wouldn’t want to just be history repeating itself.

Personally, I wouldn’t be ready to make such a huge commitment to someone after only a year.

For perspective, my FI and I were the same ages as you guys (I was 23, he was 30) when we met. We just got engaged at 26 and 33. Guys can need a little longer to come around to these things than we do.

Post # 8
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@Evanstobe:  It seems like you need to figure out why you thought you were ring shopping and he didn’t. That seems to be the main error in communication. It’s okay to be disappointed but I think you may have gotten ahead of yourself and expected a proposal too early. If you start freaking out about it now, you might scare him off. Best to discuss it and make sure you’re both on the same page about what happened and where the relationship is going.

Post # 9
Member
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Wow what’s the rush? He did that last time and look how that turned out for him! I’m curious to know exactly the details (why did he propose? Why didnt they make any wedding plans? Etc) but I’m going to go ahead and assume he’s not going to propose until he’s actually ready for marriage to come fairly quickly after the proposal.

FWIW, FI abd I went ring shopping after 6 months, but didn’t get engaged til after 3 years. Just because you know someone is “the one” doesn’t mean you have to rush the process. Enjoy your relationship, it’s only been one year!

Post # 10
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@Evanstobe:  If you love him and things are great between you two then keep going and give it more time.

Since marriage is important to you I really hope he doesn’t have commitment issues – that said maybe in time he actually will propose…

I guess based on his ex it’s kinda risky but what relationship isn’t, right? What’s really guaranteed?

Hang in there (if it’s a good relationship)…in time you’ll know everything you need to.

Just be alert and keep your eyes wide open…and it’s definitely ok to be disappointed…but sometimes even when a guy talks about something it could still be aways off.

 

Post # 11
Member
7279 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@laureneliz87:  +1. A year jeez louise slow your roll. And stop with the comparisons.

Post # 12
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@futuremrsk18:  I agree, my FI told me around the 6 month mark too that he ought to get me a ring…I didn’t get it for about another 2 years.

@Evanstobe:  definitely give this some time…

Post # 13
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I agree that you should take a step back…a year is not that long. Some of us here are going on 7 years and still waiting( but know it’s coming!)

Post # 15
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Evanstobe:  Hey, I’m sorry you feel jumped on. I will confess that my first reaction to you saying that you have been expecting a proposal since August (so from about 6 months in?) was ‘ooh, slow down a bit’ but not in a mean way. I know it’s exciting when you know you’ve found the one but sometimes its nice to enjoy that phase too before the engagement/wedding rolls around.

 

My now FI and I too had discussed from about 3 months in that we saw ourselves spending our lives together, getting married and having kids but it took till we’d been together 3.5 years to actually get engaged. He had been married briefly before too and while it didn’t make him have doubts about the institution of marriage he did want to take his time. (I likewise wouldn’t have wanted to get engaged much earlier either though so we were on the same page. It’s hard if your not.) I would, a bit further down the track, have a chat with your SO about a timeline. I did with my guy and it was very helpful in ensuring we were both wanting the same thing and I wasn’t going to get 3-4 years in and him have no intentions of getting engaged anytime soon.

Post # 16
Member
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Evanstobe:  I don’t think you are going to get the answers you want here because you should really be talking to your SO. I would, however, anticipate that he is a little gun-shy because of his previous experience. I agree with PP that one year is probably too soon to be dissapointed for not having a proposal, but you know your relationship and we don’t. I would consider telling him to lay off the marriage talk until he is really serious because it toys with your emotions too much.

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors