No longer in wedding…conflicted

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

Yeah, I think it’s best that you show up as a guest. Bring your boyfriend, or course, since there was the option for that. 

The invitation, the registry issue — all of that was made to be more troublesome and complicated than it needed to be, so it’s probably in everyone’s best interest that you’re not in the bridal party. It will prevent a lot of unnecessary problems for everyone. 

Post # 3
Member
5192 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

msunderstood:  Yeah, just go as a guest.  She was clearly including you because she wanted to include all the sisters.  It didn’t work out.  To try to continue will probably just invite more drama at this stage.

You two just seem to have really different styles.  I can’t imagine any of the small incidents you mentioned blowing up if I were talking to a friend, but there is probably some underlying tension there that made things extra explosive in your relationship.  

Also, on the side of you not feeling included in the wedding – a lot of brides try not to burden their BMs with that sort of thing as a matter of courtesey.  They don’t want to be “that bride” who can never shut up about their wedding or is turning all her friends into servants asking for too much help.  And of course there are also many brides who are just plain not interested in talking abou the weding all the time.

Post # 4
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

Oops, I meant to type “Bring your boyfriend if you want to, since there was the option for that”.

I changed part of the sentence, but forgot to change the rest lol. 

Post # 5
Member
870 posts
Busy bee

Sounds like you niggled at her intentionally and kept doing things because of your own feelings and not hers. You should’ve called her right back like an adult and not made it about you. If you wanted to be closer to her there are a lot of ways you could’ve gone about it. What you did with the calling and texting and her mum were the opposite. Granted she had that info up there for view (registry) but really why wouldn’t you call her?? 

Post # 8
Member
870 posts
Busy bee

If one of my bridesmaids, sister or not, had texted my mother and said “Hey is Katie-Didnt pregnant?” I think I would have been annoyed too. When you tell a mom that their unwed daughter is possibly pregnant with a baby registry, they tend to jump all over their daughters so knowingly or not, you probably incited some not-needed drama between mother and daughter. How you didn’t think that would cause some sort of reaction is beyond me, but if you were to put the shoe on the other foot and your sister had done that to YOU, you would have been less than pleased as well…

Truthfully, it sounds like you’re not sure you want a relationship with your sister and didn’t look at the wedding as an opportunity to grow close to her, but instead felt burdened by it. Since it doesn’t bother you that your sister doesn’t want you in the wedding anymore, go as a guest.

Post # 10
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I would not be in the wedding party, but I would try to smooth things over with her before the wedding. Take her out for coffee or a drink and apologize for not being in touch with her (yes, she’s guilty of this, too, but this is a situation where I think it makes sense to extend the olive branch). I do think that a lot of her response is the pressure of the wedding. Just tell her that, even though you aren’t close friends, you do love her and want to support her on the big day. That way, you can go to this wedding knowing you did everything you could to mend this rift; and she won’t have to worry about any drama/tension at her wedding.

Post # 11
Member
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’d call her and meet her for coffee.  So what if she wanted all siblings in the wedding party that was nice.  This is why txting and FBing cause so much more drama then they are worth.  You can’t read tone in messages so if you’re in a snarky mood you read it snarky.  A conversation one on one in person would clear the air and get things back on track with your sister…… whether you’re in the wedding or not at this point doesn’t matter, you want to save whatever tiny shread of relationship you can have with her. 

Post # 12
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

This all sounds like a lot of unnecessary drama because of miscommunication and misconstrued feelings. Show up as a guest. Enjoy the wedding. If you want to repair or try to grow the relationship afterwards, then I’d reach out to her. But for now, I’d let the wedding happen first and wait until she’s not as stressed about things.

Post # 14
Member
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

msunderstood:  also, if someone suggested that they might no longer want to come to the wedding or be a bridesmaid, I think it should be assumed that the bride or groom might say- okay then, dont. She clearly had odd reactions to some things, but I think that reaction was normal. Just like bringing up divorce in a marriage, I think ppl should already think through everything and have their mind made up before saying they might decide not to be in the bridal party (or not go to the wedding, which I know you never said but it’s the same category to me). 

Post # 15
Member
1289 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I agree with others and suggest you show up as a guest and should you sincerly feel the need to have a relationship, take it up after the wedding has come and gone. There seems to be drama/petty issues on both ends. I can see where each of you are coming from. When I get like this with people or start to feel this way it is typically a sign that I don’t need that energy in my life and I am out. 

I really hope a suitable outcome sprouts from all of this. 

Oh, and I am dying to know, is she pregnant?

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