Weddingbee boards

Well ladies (and any men who may be lurking about), I've decided to come out of the shadows.  I've been lurking on the site, and this board, for awhile now, and I've finally decided that there's no point in me sitting here not participating.  So here's my waiting story:

My BF and I have been together for almost 3 and a half years.  We started dating the summer before our senior year of college, did long-distance for a year after graduation, and now live together in Ohio, where we're attending grad school.  I am doing my best to be patient, but for someone who is by nature quite IMPATIENT, this has been torture. 

My BF and I have always talked about our future.  I have known since I was 12 or 13 that I very much want to get married and have a family.  I have career aspirations as well, but my dream in life is honestly to have a happy, healthy family of my own.  Knowing this, I was open with him about these expectations soon after we started dating.  Luckily, he wants the same things - to get married, have children (we even have the same expectations about timing and number of children), and make family a focus and priority in his life.  For a long time, we've talked about our future in terms of when, not if. 

The issue has been timing.  About a year into dating him, I was ready - I knew I loved him, I knew I wanted to spend my life with him, and I was ready to take the next step.  For him, this readiness has taken a lot longer.  We had a serious conversation about this at the beginning of the year.  I couldn't be silently patient anymore - I had to know exactly what he was thinking.  After a lot of talking, and some tears, we came to the conclusion that he wasn't ready yet because of finances.  He wanted to at least be able to supoort himself independently before taking on the responsibility of marriage, and at that time he was depending on his parents and student loans to pay the bills.

Since January, a lot of things have fallen into place for him - he got an assistantship at school which covers his tuition and bills, and he had an amazing internship over the summer that not only gave him great job experience but also paid really well.  Toward the end of the summer, I brought up the issue again, just to see where he was, and he said that the finances weren't an issue anymore.  I have since brought it up again (I'm sure many of you waiters can understand the torture of just waiting silently!), and he has grudgingly given up the info that he has a plan for asking me.  I am now doing my best to just be patient and not bug him about it - but having no clear idea about when this is actually going to happen is still driving me nuts.

Anyways, if you've gotten this far (sorry, didn't want this to be long-winded!), I just wanted to come out here because reading all of your stories has helped me a lot.  It's great to know that I'm not the only one going through this.  I look forward to sharing in the frustration of waiting, and hopefully soon the excitement of moving forward!

For you ladies in waiting who know there's something in the works, how do you keep your minds off it so that you aren't looking for a proposal around every corner?  How important is the "romantic surprise" aspect to your SO?  How important is it to you?

welcome to the bee!

Welcome :-)

@rlsulli1598@verizon.net: I am trying to think of it that way, that this is the big exciting planning part for him.  While I think he will want to be involved to some extent in planning and decisions, I know he won't care about all the wedding details as much as I will.  So, just as I wouldn't want all that planning to be taken from me, I want him to be able to propose the way he wants to.

@speechie: I'm in the Communication Studies doctoral program.  What program were you in?

@bakerella: It really DOES help to know he has a plan! All things considered, this is an exciting time in our relationship that I'm trying to just enjoy - patience is just a very hard thing for me to master!

Sadiebee, I feel your pain!  My BF and I have been talking about marriage and having a future together for the past few months, and I'm growing a bit impatient too.  It doesn't help that everyone seems to be getting either engaged or married these days.

When we talked about getting engaged, BF asked me how I imagined be proposed to.  I told him that it doesn't have to be anything big or crazy when he proposes. I just want to be surprised.

At least you know he has a plan and is taking this seriously.  Be patient.  When he finally does propose, it will be so worth it!  Let him have his moment.  Let him be proud of himself for surprising you and making one of the most special moments of your life absolutely perfect!!!