- 6 years ago
And he dumped me after I expressed my hurt feelings for him in a CALM way, not cursing, not accusing, nothing. The only time we ever fight is when he hurts my feelings and I tell him so. He gets SO defensive and accuses me of hen-pecking him.
Basically, SO has a habit of forgetting important things about me. At 2.5 months, I was cooking him dinner and he was trying to fill out a form for me. He had to ASK ME WHAT MY LAST NAME WAS. I turned to him and laughed because I thought he was kidding. Then I realized he wasn’t. He actually forgot. (My last name is Silva) I was like… are you kidding me? I thought it over while finishing dinner. We ate, acted normal, joked around, and after dinner I told him that him forgetting my last name hurt my feelings. He got mad and said I need to “calm down”, I was brow beating him and I ruined our evening for bringing it up.
2 months later, SO and I were at a ceramic studio doing some painting. He liked my style and said I should take up painting. Um… I have 2 portraits in my hallway that I painted myself. He literally walks by it every time he’s over my place. I told him I made those paintings. He’s like, “really? I didn’t know that”. WHAT? I only showed him the painting on our first date and it has my NAME in the corner! I said on the way home that it hurts me that he forgot that I love painting. I reminded him that he even commented on the paintings back then and said I did a good job. I also mention to him all the time how much I love to paint. So he forgot that about me, too. His reply was to remain silent and he said he didn’t want to talk about it. We were supposed to spend the night but I went home instead. He said the next day he is “unsure” about me because I got on his case.
Final straw: I was an abused child, I have gone to tons of therapy all through my 20’s. I frequently refer to my past (all in an “I’m so glad I’m healed” kind of way) and mention the abuse in passing whenever appropriate. For example, he is a social worker. He will tell me about certain cases, and I will say, “oh yeah, I exprerienced that”. So I must have mentioned it at least a dozen times since we met.
Tonight he FORGOT that I was ever abused, and that my only reason for ever going to therapy were just random personal issues. No. I went to therapy to overcome my child abuse. My feelings were extremely hurt. We’ve been dating 7 months.
I actually cried this time, and his response was to once again, get mad at me. He said he is tired of me not being able to let things go, and he can’t take “all the fighting”. He mentioned our previous 2 “fights” when my feelings were hurt due to him forgetting, and he said that it’s not healthy to communicate the way I do. I asked him what “healthy” communication is, and he said that I should learn to say everything in just one sentence and “dragging it out” via having a conversation is unhealthy. How do I cut everything down to one sentence if I am super upset though? When I do say just one sentence, he just stares at me, no reply. So I elaborate further, thinking he could understand me more if I explain why something hurts.
I cried again, because I felt so cut down to nothing. His response to me crying was to break up with me. He said he can’t be with a girl who picks fights with him. I don’t get it. Aside from this ridiculous forgetfulness, he’s always so good to me. How could he just throw everything away?
Side note: I had just made him stuffed peppers and surprised him with 2 tickets to an awesome concert to celebrate him closing on his home. We had amazing sex afterward in the shower (a first for us). He literally dumped me within an hour of the great sex post-dinner.
I have never yelled at him, called him names, accused him of being stupid, forgetful, inconsiderate, etc. Even though he IS all these things. I’m so angry right now that he broke up with me over this. I was only trying to foster healthy communication. My dad is a psychologist, and he taught me from a young age to use “I” statements, etc.
I’m seriously so shocked over this. He blocked me from FB and texted me saying that he doesn’t think he could ever be happy with me being like this, and he wished me well. I’m still in WTF mode.
I’m 99% sure he didn’t meet anyone else. Does anyone sense commitment-phobia? I haven’t mentioned marriage much, but we just became FB official like 3 days ago, and people were congratulating him, etc.
Thanks for reading…
ETA: We are not spring chickens. I’m 33, he’s 37, neither of us had ever been married. He proposed to his last GF after being with her 4 years. She cheated on him and gave back the ring. I’m wondering now if she cheated because he was so emotionally unavailable to her feelings whenever things weren’t so peachy.