(Closed) No longer waiting. He dumped me out of the blue.

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If you’ve only been “facebook offical” for 3 days I’m not sure why you were thinking about marriage already.

But anyways, I think he did you a favor by breaking it off. Think about how frustrating it would have been having him forget your anniversary and your kids birthdays ect.

Post # 5
Member
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

He sounds like a dick.  I don’t think he has a memory problem, he just had a “giving a shit” problem.  I’m sorry you are hurting, but I think you will be far better off in the long run!

Post # 6
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I’m so sorry! That is seriously messed up.

Post # 7
Member
14317 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Yogachild:  I asked him what “healthy” communication is, and he said that I should learn to say everything in just one sentence and “dragging it out” via having a conversation is unhealthy.

If this is truely what he believe, huge problem.  I could possibly get over the forgetting important details, maaaybe he has a legitimate memory issue and just forget things (though a last name & the fact that his gf was abused are pretty freaking big), but his reaction to it is unacceptable and he fails to see that communication requires more than ONE sentence… I’d say let this one go… there’s more reasonable fish in the sea for sure.

Post # 8
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

To be completely honest, I kind of thought this would happen.

I’m so sorry! But I think this may have been whats best for you and your future. I know it hurts right now, but when the rain is gone, you will see clearly.

Post # 9
Member
4583 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Hmm. That’s a tough one. It is possible he’s afraid of commitment. It’s also possible that he just has a terrible memory and he’s more sensitive about it than you realize. My DH has like, no short term memory. In general, he remembers the important stuff but a lot of little things escape him. It’s not his fault so I try not to get upset about it.

In any case, I do feel like your guy overreacted and I’m sorry this happened to you. It’s totally understandable that you got upset about him forgetting things, just be aware it might not be a reflection of his feelings for you. Maybe it’s just how he is and he got tired of you pointing it out to him. Just my two cents.

Post # 10
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Yogachild:  I just got the impression from your post that he isn’t putting in as much effort as he should, or as he would if he were thinking about the relationship lasting a long time. You mentioned that he forget some very important things (last name, the fact that you were abused, one of your hobbies which you clearly devote a decent amount of time to and are good at). Being dumped sucks, even when you’re expecting it or its the best possible outcome. From what you’re telling me, he’s not the right guy for you. The guy you end up with should remember not only all of the things you mentioned in your post, but the little things, like what your favorite flower is ect. Even if he has a terrible memory, he should be putting in the effort to try to keep track of whats important to you and showing you that he cares. It just doesn’t sound like thats what your ex was doing.

Post # 11
Member
1335 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Kempinski San Lawrenz, Gozo

@asscherlover:  seriously, you think breaking it off was a good idea to avoid the “frustration” of forgetting anniversaries and birthdays? Wow. Marriage is FULL of frustration, but that doesn’t mean you just break it off…. O_o 

OP, whilst I don’t know either of you personally, it seems he needs someone emotionally stronger, and you need someone more emotionally supportive. It’s just a shame he wasn’t willing to work on it. These are things that can be worked on in a relationship.

  

Post # 12
Member
1851 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I know it doesn’t seem this way right now, but I’d count this as a blessing. He seriously sounds terrible…he didn’t know your last name after dating for 2 months??! And he forgot why you were in therapy?! That’s crazy. Most people are on “good behavior” the first year of dating…wanting to show you the best version of themselves. If this is the best version of himself, then I don’t want to know what would happen in the future.

Post # 13
Member
1432 posts
Bumble bee

I find it reallt odd that he has this kind of temperment and is a social worker. That type of work requires a good listener, understanding kind of person and he seems to be none of those things. My husband has a bad memory also, drives me crazy sometimes but if he forgot something as big as the thigns you shared with him I would be hurt too.  He is can jump ship so fast I think its a blessing he left. That is not the kind of person you want as a husband. 

Post # 14
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I know it’s hard now, but you don’t want to be with a man like that.    He turns his mistakes into something you’ve done wrong.  That’s emotional abuse.  There is nothing wrong with you.  I was with a guy like that for three years and a few weeks after we broke up I started feeling so much better about myself. 

Good luck and just know that you can and will do so much better. 

Post # 15
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Juliepants:  Exactly. 

He sounds like an awful guy to be with. Embrace your new opportunity to find a man who will treat you right. 

Edit: And since emotionally handicapped guys like that often come crawling back, if he does, just block him out in return. You deserve so much better. 

Post # 16
Member
11327 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

@Juliepants:  +1

 

You are way better off without him. You can’t go through life with someone who doesnt’ care enough to REMEMBER YOUR LAST NAME and then gets pissed when you bring up his dickishness.

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