Weddingbee boards

Coming on WB for the first time recently ( after stalking for a year!) has helped me make the choice to leave him.  I realized I deserved better.  I want someone who is really excited about having me in his life.  More importantly, I want someone who I don't have to "push" to take the next step.  Going on our first date, first kiss, second date, exclusivity, saying "I love you", initiating sex, was ALL initiated by me alone.  My boyfriend has never once asked me for sex.  Not one time.  It drove a huge wedge between us, but him not wanting sex is very symbolic to our entire relationship.  Every aspect of our relationship, I always wanted more than he did.

Anyway, this is soooooo not "waiting" related, but I am trying to heal.  My brain is congratulating me, but my heart is so unbelievably sad.  I MISS HIM SO MUCH.  I decided to make a list of things that sucked about him.  Kind of graphic, some talk of sex.  (throwing in the disclaimer) Here goes:

1. He sucks in bed.  He's not open and crazy.  I am, so when I act like this, I am alone.  He's just "there".  He also isn't passionate about going down on me.  The only thing he's good at is receiving handjobs.  He can't even orgasm through intercourse or blowjobs.  And I'm very good in bed. 

2. He's ALWAYS stressed and depressed.  OMG, has he ever called me up all giddy about how great of a day he had?

3.  He works more than Obama.  If I married him, he would be out the door by 6 and home by 8 PM.  Yay.  And he would be working a thousand hours over the weekend.

4. Even if he left that great paying job, he would give his left nut to find a job that paid "enough", which happens to be 70 K a year (his figure).  REALLY?  Dude, you can pay off your condo tomorrow if you want.  Why do you need such a huge salary?  How do other people make it on less than that?  You have no kids, no student loans, no debt.  Give me a fucking break!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5. He was a shithead about my 4 year old son.  My son once farted and I swear B thought he would crap his pants on his couch.  That stuff just makes me uncomfortable.  He never cuddled with my son, kissed him, read him a story.  He played with him, but he was scared of him, in a weird way.  He's only a child!  MY CHILD.

6. He was a slob!  I would have been cleaning up after him forever!

7. He probably would have had final "say" in how money is spent if I married him.  If I wanted new hardwood floors for the house, for example, he would have to "approve" since he makes most of the money.  My voice would have counted less, rather than equal to his voice.

8. My family didn't like him, because of how miserable I was all the time.

9.  He was way. too. close. wtih his female friends.  He would have reminded me for the rest of our lives how I didn't "let" him travel to iceland with P, or travel to Denver to visit B (and sleep over her house), or sleep on C's couch after he goes to a concert with her, or go camping for several days with E (while sharing a tent, no less), or his looooooong road trips and dinners with T, or his chatty e-mails with his ex-girlfriend K, or worry about when A comes to town so he can spend "quality" time with her, knowing she has a major crush on him, or worrying about A, who broke his heart, moving back to his hometown and all the BS "catching up" they will have to do.  I WILL NOT miss the goddamn female friends and constantly competing wtih them!!!!  His EXTREMELY close friendships with other women put knots in my stomach.  I didn't think he would cheat (he's practically asexual), but I hated the thought of him just being so emotionally/verbally intimate with all these women!  And when I calmly expressed my discontent, he slapped the "jealous" label on me.  Hello!!!  I am better than that!  Cherish my feelings for a change!

10. B never, ever, ever, ever paid me a compliment that I didn't have to ask for.  I got no compliments on my looks, intellect, sense of humor, heart of gold, nothing!  If I asked him to compliment me, he would accuse me of needing "constant reassurance".  Yet I could go down the street to a gas station and catch men staring at me.  Why couldn't my own BOYFRIEND think I am pretty?

11. He was never excited about me, our future, or how I add to his life.  Never once has he told me how happy he is that I'm there, or how much his life has improved since meeting me.  In fact, he told me that I stress him out, because I struggle financially and am a single mom with very little support.  SORRY!

12. Did I mention he sucked in bed?  He rarely made me orgasm, because he looked bored with the whole process.  And he never initiated sex.  He never even copped a feel.  Nothing.  That can kill a woman's self esteem.

13. If I expressed any sort of bad feeling, he said I was too sensitive, that I blow everything out of proportion, etc.  In other words, my feelings were 100% invalidated.  I hated him for that.

I feel better!  Thanks for reading this far!

@ChocolateApple: Well, I think it does help ;)  Sorry if you don't think so.  And while I get that this is a public forum, your reply was not of help.

I wish you all the best!!  You'll find someone just right for you who will treat you well and be excited to spend the rest of his life with you. 

It's good that you wrote it all out, it will help with the process of getting over him.  

Good luck to you and your little son 

@FutureMrsMoore:  LOL at your gaydar comment.  Trust me, I ran it through my mind 10,000 times that he could be gay.  He's never been married, never engaged, never lived with a woman, longest relationship was 1.5 years before me.  Would barely discuss marriage and when we did, it led to a fight.

It's one thing for sex to start of good and taper off, but the sex was dismal from the beginning.  And it had nothing to do with technique.  He just didn't care.  I used to cry myself to sleep because he would reject me all the time.

@FutureMrsMoore:  LOL at your gaydar comment.  Trust me, I ran it through my mind 10,000 times that he could be gay.  He's never been married, never engaged, never lived with a woman, longest relationship was 1.5 years before me.  Would barely discuss marriage and when we did, it led to a fight.

It's one thing for sex to start of good and taper off, but the sex was dismal from the beginning.  And it had nothing to do with technique.  He just didn't care.  I used to cry myself to sleep because he would reject me all the time.

These replies make me so happy :)

@Koala Bear:  You are very sweet, and I'm thankful that you are helping me right now.  Good karma is coming your way!  xo

I agree with previous posters; sounds like this man is probably gay and doesn't know it/doesn't want to admit it.

You dodged a bullet there :-)

@BellsforHer:  I ran it by him in a VERY non-confrontational way, but he would get so mad at me when I did.  Then I found out he had about 50 porn DVD's in his closet, and it was all females.  I told him I found the DVD's and he was really embarrased.  I wonder why he would have all that porn if he were straight?  He had a porn addiction, too.  He used it constantly when he and I were not together.

Definitely sounds like you made the right decision.

@Mrs. Harmony: There is the possibility that he watches straight porn to look at the guys. If he doesn't want to admit to himself that he is gay, he might not be comfortable watching gay porn either. Or was it pure lesbian porn you found?