Post # 1
FI and I are not able to have a full catholic mass and it is kind of upsetting to me. I have been catholic all my life by he is nondenominational. I understand why we cant have the full mass, but we were under the assumption that we could at the beginning. FI is not catholic and never will be and that is fine by me. My mother was wanting us to have the full mass and is upset that we cant.
I said that it was important to me but i cannot please my mother and FI and it is more impoerant for him to be happy than my mom since i am marrying HIM!
Anyone have similar experience?
Post # 2
I’m a little confused. Who told you that you can’t have a full mass? I’ve always been told that a Catholic and a non-Catholic (but baptized Christian, usually) can have a full mass with special dispenstation. It’s not usually recommended, because the non-Catholic can’t take Communion, but it’s not forbidden.
Post # 3
xoxo_712: You’re right – you’re marrying him. Your mother isn’t the one getting married. I’m sure this won’t be the last thing, that she disagrees with. Good luck!
Post # 4
Our deacon will not allow us to have the full mass. Only a regualr ceremony without the communion. He has been baptized. He is against having a mass anyways so he is very happy to find out we arent going to have a mass.
Post # 5
xoxo_712: A deacon can’t preside over a mass anyways, so if you wanted a mass, you’d need a priest (or higher). He can witness a marriage, but he can’t do a full mass.
If your FI doesn’t want a mass, and you’re happy to marry him, your mom can get over it. It’s your two’s wedding, not hers.
Post # 6
You can have a mass, with a dispensation, but the canonical advice is not to have one in your situation (source: Methodist who married a Catholic in a Catholic ceremony).
It may be possible for the pair of you to have a private mass either before or after the wedding ceremony, and either with or without your immediate family, with a dispensation. In fact, this was suggested to me by our priest in order to satisfy my in-laws. However, care and tact will have to be used in order to make this more inclusive than exclusive in character…
Post # 7
I am not catholic but DH is and we were told it was our choice to have a mass or not. However the priest did advise us that it would be best not to have one. It’s kind of exclusionary to start your marriage off by doing something that divides you (ie only the catholic family members able to do communion). We chose not to have one and it was fine.
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA
I’m going through something similar … FI was raised Catholic but is non-practicing, I’m not even Christian, FMIL wants me to do a quickie baptism so we can have a full proper Catholic wedding. I’m just not comfortable with it, and FI doesn’t want it anyway, so we’re skipping that. I’m confused, though – are you upset because YOU want the full mass and it can’t happen, or because your mom is pressuring you?
Post # 9
- Wedding: May 2015 - Church
rachel85: I agree with this. It would be a different story if OP’s FI was converting.
Post # 10
xoxo_712: *sigh* I’m sorry for you. I wish I knew why the church has to make these things so difficult. We’re paying $800 AS PARISHONERS and still I’ve encountered some slack in the planning. You’re not doing me any favors, so don’t act like it! Ugh!
Post # 11
@rachel85 I was upset that we couldnt have a mass and i wanted one. I am totally fine with it now after sometime has passed and we ahve had time to think and talk about it together.
@apple_blossom im aware that we would need someone higher than a deacon if there were a mass. that wasnt the issue. my church wont do a mass in a “mixed-religion” wedding.
Post # 12
BurlapnLace: the Church isn’t being “difficult.” They aren’t doing it to be mean. They are the beliefs of the Church. They can’t change the teachings to make it easier for us. Also, they aren’t making you pay that money. I know we don’t have any set fee at my church. Just remember, every venue requires some type of payment and they have their own rules, just like the Catholic Church does.
BTW, I don’t mean to come off mean or rude by any means. Just trying to see it another way. 🙂