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I don't have one (she died when FH was in high school). Sometimes I feel I am missing out- my ex's mom was awesome, one of the biggest reasons I was bummed about breaking up was his family. Recently I heard all about my friend's "Monster-in-law," which gave me some good perspective.
Sorry to hear about FH's mom. I watched Monster in Law yesterday for the 100th time... just had me thinking..
Probably a little of both. I love my FMIL but at times, she really gets under my skin.
While I love my FMIL, I was disappointed with how little she wanted to be involved in the wedding. When we got engaged she expressed her excitement than said "tell me when, where and how many people I can bring" and that's been the end of her involvement. I emailed her about her guests, and she replies, but when I emailed her a picture of my wedding dress, and she never replied. It hurt, but that's who she is.
You're missing out because you never got a chance to know the woman who created the man you love, but you're also pretty lucky because sometimes MILs can be more pain than anything else.
Unfortunately my husband's mother wasn't/isn't a good woman. She is alive, in puerto rico. I would never want to meet her, nor does he wish to have a relationship with her.
He's had other "mother figures" in his life, but it's not the same... <3
My future MIL lives in France so we only see her once or twice a year. She also already has 6 grand children and is the same age as my grandmother. I always wondered what it would be like to have a MIL around.... but after some stories here on the hive I am happy that my FMIL is not around all the time.
I'm sorry about your husband's family situation.
My FMIL is great. Nuturing and kind and sweet-as-can-be. I know I'm lucky.
Some women don't have this experience, however. So it may relieve a bit of stress for you that you don't have to worry about clashing with his mom and putting him in the middle.
My FMIL is alive and we heard from her two or three times a year, prior to the wedding. This year a lot more because her brother died and we had to pay to fly her out there, and now we're paying for her to come to our wedding. She is an old hippy, and is both not very smart and has a major, undiagnosed cognitive disability. Talking to her is like talking to a 7-year old with Aspergers, minus the fun facts.
So while I have a FMIL, there isn't much of a mother role there. She had to give up parenting FI when him and his brothers were in 7, 8 and 10. FI's father is an a$$ (like, stole FI's identity and raided FBIL's savings account while FBIL was invading Iraq), but at least the dude raised the kids and he is pleasant to be around.
Basically, I hear you. I don't have a FMIL in the sense that there isn't a mother I have to grapple with. Instead I have an adult child to deal with who happens to have given birth to FI. The thing that makes it tolerable is that my mother is beyond awesome, and is really nice to FMIL. My mom has gone out of her way to include her in the wedding, though they've only met once. Family is important to me, so even though neither of FI's parents are high on my list, I want to treat them well and honor them.
If you had mine for your MIL you would consider yourself lucky if she was like yours.
>>Unfortunately my husband's mother wasn't/isn't a good woman.<<
This coupled with the fact that your DH doesn't even want a relationship with her, you are lucky.
My MIL is a basically kind person...except to me. She cares about everyone around her, and how her actions affect them...except me. She has a lot of personal issues that she really needs therapy for, but no one in the family is willing to tell her that, and it would fall on deaf ears anyhow...and she takes them out on me. I bear the brunt of her childish behavior and negativity because she loves her son, my husband, and I hope that someday things will change. For our future childrens' sake at least.
I have heard of people who love their MIL, and those people are very lucky. But in your situation, it sounds like her being absent is the best decision for everyone involved.
My MIL is just absent...it's a long story...she basically abandoned my FI and his brothers when they were little. She's not around and I'm okay with that. My FI's dad has a serious girlfriend who he lives with who I guess is the closest thing to a MIL I have, but she's not even around that much. That being said, I love my ex-boyfriends mom. She's still someone I seek guidance from and visit from time to time. She's fabulous. Sends me cards for my birthday, graduation cards...When I dated my ex, I stood up for her when her husband and son would pick on her about stuff. She's very supportive and that's fabulous. I guess it depends on the situation.
I LOVE HER IN REAL LIFE!
SHE IS THE PITS WITH WEDDING PLANNING!! the pits.
My sister has the greatest mother-in-law (actually all of of her in-laws are pretty great). She's been with her husband for almost 15 years (since they were in HS) so I've always kind of expected to have that same type of relationship with my in-laws. My MIL, SIL, and FIL are honestly the most selfish people I have ever encountered in my life. Luckily, they don't live anywhere near me and my husband feels the same way so our contact is limited. I DO feel like I am missing out though when I see my sister and her MIL because I wish I had that type of relationship with mine.
Well, I soft of have one. But NotFroofy has not been in contact with her for years, and she doesn't even know we are married.
To be honest, my former MIL was one of the best parts of my first marriage. Even after the marriage ended, I stayed in contact with her until her Alzheimer's got so bad that she forgot who I was. At her funeral, when my ex-husband broke down in tears, I was the one he wanted to hold onto (although we had been divorced for years), because he knew I understood how wonderful she had been.
No Mother in Law or Father in Law here either. My FI has step siblings from both his parents. He has never met those from his Mothers side as she basically walked out on he and his dad when FI was 2. In the nearly 4 years we have been together I have meet two step sisters and one step brother from his dad (I believe there are another 3 girls his dad had with yet another woman). They came to meet our daughter, but there is a huge age gap between my FI and them. (FI is 42, they are 18, 16 and 13)
I told them they were welcome at any time, and that if they wanted I would come and pick them up seeing as none of them have licenses. We haven't heard from them since....and seeing as they only made contact when they heard about our Daughter (through facebook), sad to say I don't think we will hear from them again in the near future. I guess its the age difference, its two completely seperate familieis really.
I miss not having a family on his side. No one to get the funny childhood stories from, no child hood photos at all, no MIL to bicker with ;)....but I tell him that I will share my Mum with him, and I love my Mum she is super awesome and super supportive!!
I don't have future parents-in-law either. My FI's father passed away 20+ years ago, and his mother... well, he doesn't have a relationship with his mother (or his siblings, really). She is the reason for his not-so-flattering views of organized religion as well.
In recent years, he has reconnected with his aunt and uncle, and all their kids (his cousins). They are super-sweet people, and I consider them my future in-laws.
Personally, after reading and hearing numerous stories of people's horrible in-laws, I feel very blessed to not have to deal with that directly and that the family members I have met are truly nice people.
No, every family situation is different, so I don't think you are "missing out" at all. I'm sure you will have plenty of family experiences that those of us with MILs wouldn't have!
As for mine, she is pretty awful- lol. I know there are good ones out there, but the chances of you getting one would probably be pretty slim. ;)
My FH is older and this is his second marriage so his mom is just being happy that her son is happy. I feel bad that he will never get to know my mom, she passed away 3 years ago, I tell him that she would have been the most amazing MIL ever!
I think S292010 and I have the same MIL. With the way things are with my MIL and me, I'd prefer to "miss out" I think it depends on the person, though, as I hear people loving their in-laws (LUCKY!) but If I could pick to have a MIL vs. none, I'd pick none. My MIL is the source of my unhappiness.
My FI's biological mother abandoned him and his family when he was a baby, so his entire family hates her. He still talks to her every now and then and I have met her a couple of times, but I don't really expect her to be part of our lives, and she's not invited to the wedding (too much drama!). His stepmother, on the other hand, is very much a part of our lives. I like her but the FI doesn't, so I don't want to get too close to her for fear of making my FI feel like she and I are teaming up against him. So, even though I technically have two MILs, I feel like I don't have any. There are a few who have amazing MILs, but I think for most of us it's a lot of drama and stress trying to maintain good relationships with them while still dealing with their issues. I think you should see it as a blessing in disguise!
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Just wondering how many ladies have no MIL? What's it like to have one?
Not sure if i'm "lucky" or missing out...