No money, no time for planning or DIY, and recalcitrant family

posted 2 years ago in Money
Post # 2
Member
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter's Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

My suggestion would be to get some quotes from venues – or even just prices off the website, a lot of venues have a price per head for various packages readily accessible on their website – and sit down with both sets of parents and show them how much it costs.  Food and beverage is going to be a big chunk of the cost so that should give them some idea of ballpark figures.  Then if they still want the big fancy wedding, they can help with the cost.  We’re keeping ours under $15000 (which I realise isn’t a small amount) by keeping the guest list under 80, having the wedding in very late autumn and by DIY-ing a fair amount and not going fancy with the rest.

Post # 3
Member
25 posts
Newbee

 

Siggy:  

I think you hit the nail on the head when you said you are tempted to let your family plan it so they can see the costs involved.

IF they demand a certain type of wedding then they have to pay for it.

If i were you i would decide on the type of wedding you and your fiance want. 5k is a lot of money to spend if the wedding is one you are not happy with. Decide what is important to you and then price it up. IF it comes in on budget i would go for it.

 

Maybe to illustrate to your family you can get prices for the reception costs of a 100 person in venues they like so they can se how much it costs. 

Post # 4
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June, 2014

Siggy:  Yikes! Sounds to me like you may need to rock the boat a little with your family! If they aren’t paying for it, they don’t really get a say: sorry. I would gently tell your families that you want to keep your wedding an intimate affair. It’s a great way to make them feel special and it cuts your guest list down. 

We saved a ton of money by getting married in a state park. Wedding venue cost us nothing! Same with our reception venue. We went to the American Legion Hall. $75 deposit, which we got back at the end of the night. So… Food was our biggest cost. I know not every bride can get that lucky with her venues but just wanted to throw out what I did on the off chance that it could be helpful. 

Post # 5
Member
870 posts
Busy bee

I don’t get why family have a say when they’re not contributing, sorry. Seems pretty simple to say ‘sorry, no money, no wedding’ and then get married how you want. If they aren’t happy about it then they can pay for it.

Post # 6
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Elope. Then you can tell your parents they are welcome to throw you a celebratory reception if they wish.

Post # 7
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Have the wedding you want to have for a price you can afford. Tell your parents “this is what I want and what I can afford.” End of discussion.

As difficult as it may be to disappoint your parents, it will be MUCH more difficult if you try to plan a wedding you don’t want and can’t afford.

Post # 8
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I think you need to gently explain to your FI this isn’t possible, and he needs to break it to his family.  Your FI doesn’t seem to realize how much work wedding planning is, if he refuses to lean on friends.  It’s not fair this should be foisted on you because you’re the bride.      

Unless somebody has a house/backyard/free church basement where you can serve champagne and cake, you’re absolutely right that this is going to take a massive amount of time, time you simply don’t have!   

Post # 9
Member
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Put the work back on them. Very nicely, sit down and explain that you only have 5k to spend, and 100 people to feed. Tell them that you’d be happy to have the wedding locally, if they can find a way for that money to cover all the costs. Give it a month or two. They’ll either concede that eloping is a good idea, or fork over cash. Either way, you won’t be stuck planning.

Post # 10
Member
42490 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You can still have a wedding for 5-7K, but you have to learn to say “NO” somewhere along the line. It will be a handy skill for later in life. You also have to be strict about differentiating “need” vs “want”.

No one “needs” 100 people at their wedding. You need the bride and groom, an officiant, and in most places a witness or witnesses. You can draw the line at immediate family on both sides if you choose to do so.

You don’t need a catered dinner and dancing. Those are wants. You could have a late morning wedding with a brunch reception. You could have an afternoon ceremony followed by cake and punch. You can have a picnic in a local pavilion.

The end result will be the same- you will be married to the love of the life.

Keep in mind too that most decor items are wants, not needs. You can have a cluster of simple bud vases with single flowers and it will be lovely.

Post # 11
Hostess
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

You need to create an actual guest list, and then work on a budget. You will have to make time to plan a little here and there, that’s just how it is. You’ll need to go dress shopping, look at venues, and taste cake, meet with djs, bartenders, and other vendors. Spend time researching makeup & hair artists, ect.

I work anywhere from 12 to 16 hours a day, with a 1 hour commute each way – is it hard for me to find time to plan? Hell yeah, but I manage. Whenever I get a day off, I work on planning. Holidays? Planning. The fews hours I get in the evening after dinner? Planning. It’s hard but not impossible.

If you have no money for a wedding, I would suggest eloping and having a reception [if that’s what you really want] later.

Post # 12
Member
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Siggy:  Your family doesn’t seem to understand that inflation has happened since the 70s and 80s. You CAN host 100 people at a wedding for under 6,000 but it may border on shabby. Express your concerns that you can’t plan a wedding on that small of a budget, and that your workload with school will be such that you can’t do your wedding any justice.

My suggestion is to go to a beach somewhere, and invite the inlaws to come along for the ride. It could be a wedding and honeymoon rolled into one, and they wouldn’t feel left out if you eloped with them there. But this is YOUR wedding, and you deserve to do it how you see fit. A friend of mine told me that her mother basically planned her wedding and let her pick her dress and colors and that was it. Don’t let people jerk you around.

Post # 13
Member
2132 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Honestly, I would probably just go to the courthouse and get married and plan a casual celebration later.  Maybe your parents will give you less guff if it is just a party rather than a wedding.  Either that or do a really small wedding with immediate family only.  I definitely think you need to make it smaller so it isn’t so stressful.  Then maybe you can have a big vow renewal after med school!

Post # 14
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Have the wedding that YOU can afford and that YOU are happy with. Forego financial contributions in order to have complete say in this. The people who love you may not be thrilled with an elopement, but they will come to peace with it if they truly want what is best for you. You can always have a small family gathering at home afterward.

Post # 15
Member
2428 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

There will be a lot of people who say lots of stuff during this process. It’s hard not to let it affect you, but the best advice I can give is to do what you want with what you can afford. At the end of the day, it’s your wedding and the people who care about you will be there and be happy.

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