Post # 1
Is there something really wrong with men? What is with their infernal quest for the biggest and best amount of gadgets and electronic toys? If only they were as dedicated about getting engaged/married as they were about buying new toys! Ugh!
Just got off the phone w/ the BF during his lunch break. Started off typical, ‘how’s your day’, etc etc. He asks what we (me and our 2yr old-I’m a most of the time SAHM, but with a part time job, once or twice a week) are doing. 2 yr old is watching Sesame Street, et al, as usual. BF responds with “I think maybe for Christmas, since cartoons have taken over the living room tv, we can get him his own tv for his room, seeing as how we’re gonna get him a new big boy bed, too. We can give him A’s (my 10 yr old from previous bad relationship) tv, and upgrade A to a bigger, newer one than the one he already has.” I was all, “yeah, we’ll see when Christmas gets closer what kind of deals there are” I DID NOT say, ” ARE YOU OUTTA YOUR *&%$#&! MIND? OUR TWO YEAR OLD DOES NOT NEED A TV! HOW ARE WE EVER GONNA GET MARRIED IF YOU KEEP BUYING CRAP WE DON’T NEED!?!?!?!” I wanted to say that, but didn’t. How do I tell him I’m opposed to the idea, without sounding like a demanding bitch? -“No, I’d rather you spend that money on an engagement ring, and then we start putting $$$ to a wedding. Not getting gifts for our kids.”- !?!?! Especially since I’m doing my best to sticking to Mr. Bee’s advice to not mention it, (though it’s hard, and I slip sometimes) and I’ve just recently commited myself to the Christmas challenge, per this post.
I know my fellow bees will understand my frustration with this. I was doing so good, not mopey and sad, but now I wanna cry again. And we just had a talk about all this, referenced here and here. Ugh!!!
Post # 3
I would express to him that you don’t think having a TV in a 2 year old child’s bedroom is a healthy situation, end of story. I’m assuming your little one goes to bed relatively early, so you have plenty of time later in the evening for more adult prime time programming. Kids cartoons can get on your nerves, I totally agree with that, but maybe you could invest in some Disney/Pixar movies that you call can enjoy rather than Big Blue House or whatever 😉
Maybe you could also suggest a spending limit for the holidays this year to keep the expenditures under control and money set aside for *later*.
Post # 4
Well, I think the engagement/wedding is a separate topic than the TV. IMO a two year old does NOT need his own TV – regardless of if you had a ring on your finger, and especially if your finances are not completely free flowing and worry free. If he’s worried about the cost of a ring, every little bit saved will help with the hit. You can always spin it as trying to save money for the future and just have a better buffer. And it wont be NOT getting a gift for you kid, just not something to the scale of a TV.
Post # 5
I suppose I should have mentioned that I actually AM opposed to the idea of him having a tv in his room at two years of age. Maybe in another year or two, I would be a little more okay with the idea. I’m assuming that BF thinks he’d be ‘helping’ me, b/c when I’m at home during the day, I intermittantly (sp?) have some PBS, cartoons, etc on to distract the little crumb snatcher while I’m trying to get cleaning, dishes and the like done, without him being right up under me. And hearing the same characters singing the same songs overandoverandover again gets old. BF even has started to sing some of the tunes, too, lol. But, really, I don’t mind it as much as I think BF thinks I do. I get plenty of adult boob tube at night, just like you said, bakerella.
I just feel like if I’m adamant about being opposed to the idea on general principle, BF will smell a rat, and keep pushing as to why, and I’m afraid I’ll then spill on why I also am opposed to it. And it’s not just this particular issue with the tv for our little boy, it’s other little stuff, too, that we just don’t need, and it adds up. Like movies, and random stuff for the house, that are nice, don’t get me wrong, but we don’t NEED any of it, and every time he makes a purchase, (to myself) I’m like, wow, that’s $20/$50/$100 bucks whatever, that could be going towards a ring, or our wedding.
Post # 6
Just tell him you don’t want a tv in the bedroom for him and you would rather him watch tv in the living room where he is. Say you’d rather save the money for better things.
Post # 7
Thats a generally good frame of mind to have on spending if you ask me. Having a nice plush savings account is more enjoyable to me than having all these little wants all the time. It makes it that much easier to splurge on big wants – new handbag, shoes, nice dress.. or in your case ring, wedding, etc
Post # 8
Recent studies agree that children watch a lot of TV as it is, and having one in his room, especailly at the age of 2 is too much IMO.
I think a Christmas budget is a good idea, and setting up a special savings account or smething is good for anything, not just saving for a wedding. If he smells a rat, he smells a rat, but there are plnety of reasons why you don’t need a TV in a kid’s room without mentioning saving for a ring.
Post # 9
Geez my bf is the same way…. It is quite a downer when they go out and by the top of the line electronics and come home and try to show us…. but the only thing going on in our minds is shouldn’t that be going towards a ring?….or if he is buying this stuff he definitely can’t afford to buy me a ring afterward!It can be very frustrating but hang in there
Post # 10
Yeah, a two-year-old does not need a TV in his room. (I don’t think any child needs a TV in his or her room, but that’s just me.)
Post # 11
@Statutory Grape: It isn’t just you, I completely agree .
I think you should have a conversation about savings in general. Presumably you are both in agreement that you will be married sometime in the future. I would say that since weddings are a large expense, you should set up an account together for one.
Post # 12
@Statutory Grape: @rachaelrobin: y’all aren’t alone. My senior year of high schoool I inherited my grandmothers 3 inch black and white VHF whatever they were called travel/emergency TV. LOL. I didn’t mind at all… If I wanted to stay up late I read books. crazy idea 🙂
I think it would help to first of all explain all the reasons. 1) A 2yo doesn’t need a TV and why 2) Why the 10 yo doesn’t need to keep up with the jones’. 3) Budgets 4) Timelines if you haven’t discussed marriage at all.
I do know how you feel. FI bought himself this thing that was 4-5k before we got engaged. Sometimes, guys have timelines and don’t think how much it will aggravate us to make large purchases. They may have a plan for funds and a ring but then they do something “stupid” and make waiting that much more difficult.
🙁 Sorry. But this is probably one of those things where a nice lil heart to heart is in order.
Post # 13
Thanks for all the input Bees! Matter of fact, just yesterday, I casually mentioned that I had been thinking about what he said, and iterated that I just didn’t like the idea of him having a tv in his room so young, and that maybe we could revisit the idea next Christmas. SO didn’t protest. He seemed okay with that decision. (Even then, though, hopefully I can talk him out of it, but if not, I can certainly limit the time he watches it if Daddy just HAS to get his boy a new toy next year, lol.) Either way, I’ll put my foot down. Besides, like Mr. Coffee said, if the missus ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. I’m paraphrasing his words, but you get the point.
Again, thanks for everyone’s input!