Post # 1
Like all of the other May 2012 bees out there (REPRESENT!) I’m getting really excited now about the wedding day! I’m still basking from a wonderful wedding weekend of bachelorettes, drag queen shenanigans, and a bridal shower that had me in tears!
So here’s the scoop: My cousin who I barely see every two years for more than a few minutes at a time was an invite my mother begged to me to add. Originally, I wanted to just keep it at aunt/uncle level (FI and I have big families) but my mother thought it would be wrong not to invite first cousins.
Now, we’re having a “except bridal party and immediate family” kid-free wedding. This is plastered all over our website (since we sent save-the-dates last October) and invites and we are making no exceptions, including our close friends. Everyone has been completely understanding and looking forward to a night without the kids.
Enter cousin’s aunt at my shower this weekend who proceeds to tell me “well, she must bring her daughter, she doesn’t have a sitter”. I tell her I understand, but we had to deny even our closest friends’ kids so we could be fair and have enough room at our venue. She proceeded to go on and on about it and I didn’t budge. Then I received her RSVP (which specifically just had her name on it — not married) and she added her daughter’s name.
This morning I sent a message to my aunt and cousin and explained the situation again, telling them how I would love to have them, but I have to be fair to our family and friends who have made sacrifices to leave their kids at home.
I need to let this go and I feel like I’m in the wrong — how do I keep the joy of this weekend and let this one go? Do I need to make an exception on stand my ground some more?
Thanks, Bees. (Sometimes I feel I should pay you guys — you’re like good therapy!)
Post # 3
Stand your ground, they will get over it
Post # 4
How old is your cousin’s child? Unless the child is a newborn, stand your ground.
If you make an exception for her, everyone who you denied exceptions to will be wondering why their kids were less desirable than hers.
If your cousin can’t make it if her daughter can’t come, then so be it.
You’ve explained several times about no kids, she needs to respect your wishes.
Post # 5
Seriously, they need to suck it up. If you sent out save-the-dates in October, that gave people ample time to figure out child care.
I don’t even understand why people would want to bring their children – have a fun night out without the children!
I feel very strongly about a child-free wedding and if I were you, stand your ground. She may just show up with her child regardless, so plan for that too! Some people…
Post # 6
First off, how rude of her! And secondly, stand your ground! Are your parents close with her? Can someone else call her and let her know that your cousin is not able to attend due to size constraints? Good Luck and remember, in the end it is your special day so enjoy it to the fullest!!!
Post # 7
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
You’re not in the wrong- this was someone you didn’t want to invite and a cousin’s not immediate family anyway. I’m also having a no-kids wedding (my five-year old nephew is not invited- it’s an evening wedding and NOT a kid-friendly venue), and I fully support your no exceptions policy!
Post # 8
I would hold my ground so hard it would crumble in my fingers. The answer is no!
Post # 9
I agree with all the PPs. Unless the child is a newborn stand your ground. If you were to allow an exception that would probably cause more problems than trying to stay firm with your cousin.
I’m sorry you have to deal with that!
Post # 10
I would stand your ground! You don’t want others to think “oh well she let their kid come…” could get messy.
Post # 11
I agree with PP. She has had months to find a sitter. If she can’t find one, she doesn’t need to come. I am going to be upset if people ask to bring kids to our wedding.
Post # 12
Stand your ground. It’s your shindig, you choose the guest list – it doesn’t matter if this is a superbowl party or the royal wedding – you pick who’s invited, not the guests.
Post # 13
They have had MONTHS to find a babysitter. It is not fair for everyone who actually found and most likely paying for a babysitter for her to bring her child. You are having an adult event if she cant stick to the adult only event then she can stay at home.
Post # 14
Stand you ground. Preempt her drama, by saying “looks like you won’t be able to come without (kid). We will miss you.”
Post # 15
Unless the baby just popped out of the oven hold your ground!
Post # 16
I’m firmly in the “no kids” camp. You could be nice and try to help her find a sitter. That’s what I’m doing for one friend I’d dearly love to see and may bring his 8yo along for the trip. If she was that rude about it, I’d just put her in touch with the sitter, not offer to pay for it. 🙂