No More Playing House?

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

I admit, I didn’t read the whole post, but I read the end and I think it sounds like you did the right thing. I wish you the best!

Post # 4
Member
2566 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I understand where you’re coming from. You’re at a point where you and your son need this… and stability matters.

What worries me about the situation is the career.  I guess I’m in the same boat as your SO… I have to shift my career to stay here with him and his son, but I’m at peace with that decision.  I’m not going anywhere.  Now, it seems that you two have more than enough to have a wedding, so I don’t think that financial stability is a concern.  If you two want a cushion for added expenses or future unexpected expenditures, I think you could scale down your wedding by about $10-15k and STILL have a very nice wedding.

Just make sure he’s at peace with his career choice… one thing that has always worried me is resentment. I would NEVER want to live my life with resentment, and it’s actually ended a lot of my relationships because I knew there was more life out there for me and more I needed to experience.  It took over a year of our relationship to be at peace with a career change and realize I would resent myself for moving away for a career, but I would never resent these two boys for making me whole and loving me.

Post # 5
Member
47 posts
Newbee

I quite agree with your decision and wish you luck sticking to it. If he has savings and intend to marry you then I see no reason he couldn’t propose now and if needs be (due to work situation) postpone the actual wedding a year. Also there comes a point where he needs to decide what is of more value, a better paying job or your home life together.

Post # 6
Member
2205 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

This is NOT a simple matter of a better job or a wife.

I don’t know what your SO does, but it sounds like he wants to be in a career field that’s restricted location wise.  I understand.  I’m in one too.  It comes down to this: my FI can either follow me to a job, or he needs to be able to potentially support us on his own.

If he can’t hold a job, are you prepared to be the sole financial provider for you, him, and your son?

Post # 9
Member
1435 posts
Bumble bee

I normally am a strong advocate of don’t “wait” too long due to my personal experience but your situation sounds kind of different.  This guy is obviously very into financial stability and planning and it sounds like has a genuine issue that is holding up the marriage.  You can’t move and he can’t be financially stable where you live. 

What is your ideal scenario here?  Do you think he could find another line of work?  Are you able to support the two of you if he can’t find work there?  If he proposes and then moves to Virginia for work can you move to Virginia?

Post # 11
Member
2566 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I do know of split families that have all picked up and moved to another state.  For example, a friend of mine with two sons moved to Boulder, CO with her boyfriend at the time AND their father, even though the father was from their previous location in AZ.  Is this something that your son’s father would ever consider? To move with all of you?  It likely depends on his connection to where you’re at right now.

Post # 13
Member
2566 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

PecanPie05:  That makes sense!  You have to think about every option, though, right?  Even if it doesn’t work 😉

Post # 15
Member
2791 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast

That really is rough. 

Isn’t the cost of living much higher in VA though? So even if he’s making 50-60k in GA it probably isn’t as much different than the $80k in VA as it looks on paper?  Does he really prefer the work he does up there? Or is it just the numbers and his attitude about it?

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