- 6 years ago
- Wedding: April 2012
HI Bees! I have something I really need to vent out, I hate constantly thinking negative and cant get this issue off my mind..So I really hope this will help me relax 🙂 sorry for the super longness.
OK well first off, I LOVE my Mom. I’ve just noticed a huge change in her since I’ve gotten engaged, which is also around the time I bought my own house, and I can’t help but feel pure hatred from her. It started with my first dress appointment, my mom made the biggest fit about me wanting her to be there, she even called my lil sister and told her she was bringing along my little brother so she would have an excuse to leave early, OUCH that super hurt my feelings, and I called my mom after my little sis told me what she said, and I told her it was no big deal, she didnt have to come.
Then 2 months after me and FI announced our engagemtent my little sister got engaged. My sister didnt want to plan a wedding and she and her FI decided to elope, and of course she wanted something cute to wear. And my mom spent a whole day with her searching all over town for a cute little white dress for her.. WHich was awesome for my sister (she actually ended up getting the one that her and I found the day before)..BUt it just really hurt my feelings that my mom was so happy and easy going with my sister, and a total b*tch towards me.
Now that my wedding is getting closer I have to really watch what i say to her about my wedding. She ALWAYS reminds me how my little sister had it so easy just eloping, and what a waste all this time and money is, that Im putting towards the wedding. I understand my mom doesnt like weddings..but Im not asking much of her at all, actually all the things she has to do, she put on herself. Such as..
When we got engaged last June, she made a point I had to have this person and that person in my wedding ..pretty much my mom put our wedding party together. See I have 4 brothers and 1 Sister. My sister of course would be my MOH, but my bro’s we were only going to have as ushers, and 1 that FI is really close to, a Groomsmen. And then she also wanted my Aunt and her little daughter to be in it too, becuase my Aunt never stood up in a wedding before. WHich is cool, I love my Aunt so much, But i was worried it would be a lot of pressure on her becuase they barely have enough money to make ends meet on their own..SO my mom offered to pay all her and her daughters expenses (dresses, hair, makeup).. And now she is complaining about our huge wedding party (we have 9 couples) and what a drag it is for her to pay for all this stuff..When the subject was first brought up, and me and FI said NO, we only wanted 4-5 couples originally, well my mom and dad took me out to lunch the next day, and made it a very clear point that they were giving us some of the wedding money and this was how it was going to be..
Just last week I had an appointment with David’s Bridal to pick up my dress. It’s an hour and 45 minute drive for me, and mistakenly I asked my mom if she would come with me…She moaned and groaned about how she hates to travel (even though she goes to the casino 2-3 times a week, and thats an hour drive) So I finally said FINE, and called my SIL and she was more then thrilled to come with me, and when I told my mom the next day, she got mad at me! She DID in fact want to go, I just asked her at the wrong time..When i told her I needed to buy some new shoes to go with my dress she made a commment about spending more money on the wedding..Ugh, I dont know if this sounds like a big whinning vent, I just have a problem with wanting to make people happy.. And I know my mom and I dont have a close relationship anymore. Especially since I am now 12 weeks pregos, I dont drink anymore..The best times we had were in the bar, and now we have absolutely nothing in common between us. Even with being pregnant and all with her second grandchild, she told me one day she has absolutley nothing to look forward to.
I’ve been talking to a counselor, and she told me my mom is a very controlling manipulative person. And as the wedding gets closer she will probably only get worst. When I asked my counselor if I can bring this up to my mom, and try to get my feelings out, she warned me that it may not go well and I should just try to avoid her for awhile.
Well yesterday my mom called me at work and asked me to come to lunch with her. I told her yes, and I needed to talk to her about soemthing. So I brought up to her what’s been on my mind, and how I feel she’s consistanly belittleing me and the wedding, and how I wished she would stop with her negative comments…I didnt mention this earlier, but my sister has become impossible for any of the other bridesmaids to get a hold of for the Bridal Shower Planning, and when I asked her what was going on, she told me right out mom was making her feel super discouraged and like the wedding was a waste of time. And I told mom that, and she freaked out on me! Just as my counselor warned me she would. She called me at work after lunch, and started saying things like my FI was the controlling one, and his mom is only there for me because she’s a fake, and after the wedding it will be all different.
There is SO MUCH I havent mentioned, but my FI’s mom and his sister have been so much help to me. They helped me for 4 straight hours put the invites together, and they’re always there for me if i need anything. And my mom has noticed my closer relationship with FMIL and I think it just adds fuel to the hatred she has for me right now.
Also I want to mention, my mom has never had anything against my Fi, he is a great hardworking guy and has a very supportive family, and i am SO BLESSED to be apart of his family soon. I just wish she would be happy for me. But she’s really not…it just makes me so sad and empty inside. I dont relaly understand what is going on with her, and it bothers me so much!! Does anyone have any answers to why my mom is acting out like this? or does anyone else have a close relationship that changed drastically after they became engaged?