No, my parents aren't invited and YES, I AM a good person

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 4
Member
1242 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand

First, let me start by saying I’m sorry you had to go through a rough childhood like that and am especially sorry you have encountered such judgemental, ridiculous people!

As much as I am big on family, I agree sometimes it’s best to remove yourself from them. absolutely love MIL but for several reasons, DH and I are not really on speaking terms with his sister. So people don’t get it and say you cant pick family, etc etc. but really, only you know what relationship is healthy for you and that goes not only for your choice in partner, but for friendships AND family. 

Post # 5
Member
3014 posts
Sugar bee

@Brooke1226:  well most of us keep blood relatives close because the majority of the time, they are our biggest support systems. Unfortunately you got SCREWED in the parent department. Anyone that knows your story surely understands. I’m not sure who is giving you a hard time about this. Perhaps you’re sharing the part about your parents not being invited with people who do not know the situation. It is normal to have parents there so hearing otherwise is alarming- again unless they know the background. 

 

You sound very angry.  

 

Post # 8
Member
626 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Brooke1226:  You don’t owe them anything, no.

I am having issues with my IL’s at the moment, while FI is very sick in hospital (nearly died, and had to have life saving surgery). I don’t want to go into too much detail, but the way they’ve acted towards me leaves no illusions that I will be cutting them out of my life as much as possible. FI may be, as well.
(I know in laws are different, but seeing this through FI’s eyes really hits me. I also haven’t seen my grandparents for 8 years, and they live 2 minutes away.)

Just remember the old saying “friends are family that you choose for yourself”

Feel free to PM me if you ever need to vent 🙂

Post # 10
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

You don’t owe your parents anything and you certainly don’t owe them an invitation to your wedding!

Post # 11
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m so happy for you in standing strong. And you don’t owe them anything, THEY owed you a safe childhood and couldn’t do that for you, why would you owe them an invitation to your wedding?

I had similiar issues with my father and he wasn’t invited. I did send him a letter telling him about the wedding and telling him I was sorry but he would not be invited. Never even heard back from him but that’s my dad right there. Some people were confused why my dad was still alive but not invited to the wedding but most people understood without me going into detail.

I hope things get better and stay strong!

Post # 12
Member
6279 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

a friend of mine has a toxic family and did not invite any of her family members to her wedding.

Post # 13
Member
3014 posts
Sugar bee

@Brooke1226:  well that person is truly an asshole. Not everything deserves to be forgiven. I wouldn’t share anything with her going forward. Sorry lady. No one here will think that about you. 

Post # 14
Member
931 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Brooke1226:  There is no problem with this.

FI didn’t invite his Dad. His Dad has never been in his life until a few years ago. It was smooth sailing for awhile until his Dad tricked FI into selling his land to him and then took him to court.

They’re your biological parents and that’s it. You don’t owe them shit.

Post # 15
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I don’t think it’s anyone’s business if your parents are or aren’t invited. I would stop talking to people about it. If anyone asks, just say you’re not sure and change the subject. 

Post # 16
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Brooke1226:  I agree with you 100%.

I had it tough too. My mother was single and then remarried and the drarma that she put me through as a child and using me as her support group was so severe that even up to few months ago she would still be able to guilt trip me into sending her money constantly even when i was myself going into debt. My Father is an alcoholic and barely able to take care of himself.

I had sent the invitations to boeth of them (they both live in another country where i moved away from) but my father likely won’t come because he just wouldn’t have the means plus we only talk twice a year. And my mother would only come if i paid for everything and her trip. Last time she came to visit me, she put my in debt by 5,000.

 

So looks like my co-workers and friends will sit on my side during ceremony.

 

I don’t think we are bad people for wanting to stay away from family members that have showed nothing but disapointment and caused drama.

 

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