- 7 years ago
- Wedding: October 2010
All right, so it’s not that no one cares… it’s that no one cares as much as I do.
I’ve done a lot of DIY, cutting out non-essential “traditions,” and kept the guest list small to keep costs down as much as possible. Yet all my (extended) family members can say are things like, “Well, since you’re having it at X Venue, I hope you’re not spending more than you can afford!” Um, did I miss the memo where you offered to pay? No? Then shut up, please, or say something nice.
In fact, they pay attention so little, that I spend most of my time answering questions that I’ve already answered or that the answers to which should be apparent. “What about hotel arrangements?” Yeah, it’s on the website, which came in your invitation back in July. Or you could just Google it; you’re computer-literate. “Can I bring my friend?” Your f***buddy? No, you can’t bring him. You invitation was address to YOU and only YOU. “What are your colors?” Well, the STDs were green with orange type, the bridal shower invites were orange with a green floral design, and the invitations were green and addressed in orange. HMMM… I WONDER.
Oh, and they’d never realize that I made ALL those things, and they wouldn’t care even if they did. They have no idea what I, personally, have done: the STDs, the bridal shower invites, the wedding invites, the program, customized the guestbook basket (we’re using wishing well cards and collecting them in a basket), the flowers. And if they did, I’m certain their reaction would be, “Oh, you saved a lot of money, then,” instead of something nice like, “Oh, it looks great!” or “Wow, you put a lot of effort into that!”
At the same time, my BM has been supportive in an underhanded way this whole time. The original dress I picked was an issue, because she didn’t want to look bad for my photos. (She says.) She’s going to great lengths to alter her appearance (fake tan, increased gym workouts, diet changes, special body makeup), so my pictures look good. (She says.) I’m not an idiot – I know those things have very little to do with me and my wedding, and more to do with her personal wants. That’s fine, but I wish she wouldn’t use my wedding as an excuse to indulge her vanity. (Not critcizing changing one’s appearance – we all do it, and it makes us feel good! But we do it – or should be doing it – for US, not for anyone else.)
Then there are the gifts, or lack thereof. I know, I know, I’m not supposed to expect gifts. But let’s face it – most of us do, because that’s the norm. My wedding is in 17 days, and not a single gift has been purchased from the registry since my shower. When my sister got married, gifts were pouring in from the very beginning; my mom’s house was full of boxes, and by the time her wedding day arrived, her registry was nearly exhausted. Yes, she had a larger wedding than I did, and her other half’s family is different from my FI’s family. But we have the same relatives – what’s their excuse? I tried not to compare gifts at the shower, but they gave her nicer things for her shower than I got, too. Maybe because they knew her SO better than they know mine? Just spitballing – I really have no idea.
Also, FI’s (uber-rich) boss held a special dinner for FI to celebrate our upcoming wedding – kind of like an engagement party meets bachelor party without the typical debauchery; they’re all middle-aged men, after all. (Boss was invited but is not coming.) He invited all his (uber-rich) colleagues, who are also some of FI’s friends and acquaintances. Not a single one brought so much as a card to the dinner. FI was devastated, even though he tried not to show it. Not that he was expecting mega-gifts or anything, but considering it was an event specifically to celebrate the wedding, we both thought for sure there would at least be cards, and maybe gift cards or checks. (I wouldn’t expect a bunch of men to buy toasters and towels – lol.)
And last night, we found out one of the groomsmen isn’t coming to the rehearsal, even though we told him long ago when it was and that he should be there, and he said he would be.
Aaaaaand my grandfather is very ill, to the point where my parents and relatives are looking into his estate-planning wishes. I’m hoping he holds on through my wedding (which he is not well enough to attend), and preferably my honeymoon, too. I am not that close to him, and his imminent passing isn’t that traumatic to me… I’m worried that he will pass while I am on my honeymoon, in the middle of the Caribbean, and the family will insist on having the funeral immediately. I won’t be able to attend, of course, and I’ll be forever branded as the “bad” granddaughter. (There’s only my sister and I.) That’s just how that side of the family rolls – gotta get it done so they can get their inheritances ASAP, even though none of them need it. I wonder if they’ll loot his house like they did when his first wife and his mother passed away… It’s so comforting to know that, if he passes before my wedding, there will probably be a family feud at my wedding, or at the very least, they’ll all be sitting there during the ceremony, scheming about how to get their grubby mitts on stuff.
*sigh* My wonderfully tolerant FI always listens to me rant and whine and cry over wedding stuff. I feel bad that I dump all that on him, but it’s really stressing me out, and I feel I have nowhere else to turn. Guess that’s why I’m here, writing this, now. I’m not even looking forward to my wedding anymore – well, being married to FI, yes, but all the “pomp and circumstance” around it, no.
I just want to be married to the love of my life and move on.
Thanks for reading, Bees. I know there’s nothing I can do about any of these things, really, but it helps to get my thoughts and feelings out.