Post # 1
Well 25 people are coming out of 175 that we invited. Granted we’re having a destination wedding and it’s expected to be a smaller turn out, but typically 40-50% show up for destination weddings. I don’t even think our percentage meets 15%.
The place we’re having our wedding is not expensive by any means. Roundtrip flights cost $365 USD (less than flying from here to LA) and at the location, the exchange rate is ridiculously cheap. Lastly, we gave our guests a year notification to be able to “save”.
I guess I just feel insignificant. Like I’m only the priority to people when it’s convenient. My fiance and I know that if we would have had our wedding here in the states that practically our whole guest list would have showed up.
The mean remarks we’ve heard over the past months have been extremely hurtful. Imagine at every family function someone mentioning your wedding and saying something negative such as “Your family hates you because your wedding is a destination wedding”. We didn’t plan this wedding with the intention of hurting people – we’re the only ones paying for it.
My bridal party has been great. They’re planning a “surprise” bridal shower for me – the surprise got spoiled by a male significant other. There’s going to be more people at the shower than the wedding. Is it bad that I really don’t want to attend the shower because I don’t feel like being around the people that made no effort to come to our wedding?
Post # 3
Try to focus on and appreciate the 25 who will be there for you on your wedding day. If others are selfish enough to give you a hard time about your choice of location, try to rise above it. By all means attend the shower. Remember that living well is the best revenge. If other people are determined to try and bring you down – are you going to let them?
Post # 4
It’s not that simple. Attending a destination requires a lot of money, a lot of time, using vacation days, etc. You said yourself that if you had the wedding back home, everyone would have shown up. So you know that they love you and would be there to celebrate with you if it was more convenient. It would be really unfair to judge the depth of their friendship and love based on whether they can afford to go to your DW. (To be honest, if it was going to cost FI and me $1500+ just to attend a wedding, we would only go if it was immediate family or one of our very closest friends.)
Post # 5
I think it’s pretty harsh to assume that they “made no effort” to come to your wedding. You don’t know everyone’s circumstances. For me, a $365 plane ticket would be a LOT. Then my fiance would need to buy a $365 plane ticket. Then we would need to pay for a hotel room for at least several nights. Then we would need to pay for the majority of our meals and transportation costs. Plus we’d bring you a gift. We’d also probably need to take some time off of work if we’re flying somewhere for a wedding.
That’s a lot to ask of someone. I think the shower is great because there are a lot of people that obviously care about you and want to support you, but may not have the time or money available to go to your destination wedding.
My own cousin had a destination wedding, but I didn’t have any days off to fly to Jamaica, and I couldn’t afford the plane ticket, hotel room, etc. Needless to say, they had a very small wedding.
Post # 6
50% to a destination wedding…really! I have been to 3 and at the biggest one there was 30
Post # 7
Also, I think you should have the shower. Your bridal party obviously put a lot of effort into making it special for you. And, quite frankly, it would look and sound like you’re throwing a tantrum if you canceled it now.
Post # 8
No one should be making cruel comments to you suggesting you don’t care about your family because you’re having a DW. That’s extremely rude.
I don’t know where you got your percent of guests who “typically” show up for a DW, but I can’t imagine it’s based on inviting as many people as would normall be invited to a non-DW. Everyone I know who’s had a DW invites a much smaller group of very close family and friends.
I’m sorry you’re feeling hurt, but 25 is actually a large number to have turn out to a DW. And despite what you may think, a lot of people have other things they need to be “saving” for than someone else’s DW.
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)
@sportsgal31: +1. OP, I’m sorry you’re feeling sad and disappointed, but celebrate those who are coming! And I know that to you, it seems like your destination wedding is totally doable, but there are so many factors involved that could prevent people from coming: time, money, vacation days, etc. DH and I live in Southern California, and we’ve had to fly up to Northern California multiple times this year for various weddings, and even that has been a substantial drain on us. Travelling for a wedding isn’t easy, and I wouldn’t hold it against your guests for not going out of the country for your wedding, especially if you know that they all would have been there if you’d had your wedding locally.
Post # 10
I honestly wouldn’t be able to attend a destination wedding if I had to purchase flight tickets that were $365 each plus hotel, etc. I would definitely want to go – but it just wouldn’t be feasible.
I know that it is disappointing… but your wedding will be beautiful anyway!
Post # 11
It sucks, but DWs arent feasible for some people no matter how much notice you give. Money isnt always the issue. Your wedding isnt about those who come, it’s about you and your FI
Post # 12
Look at it this way: a lot of them want to come to the wedding but aren’t able to for whatever reason (vacation days, etc.) and so they’re looking at the shower as an opportunity to come and be there for you in its place.
That was the case with my FI’s family. Due to health problems and travel issues, a LOT of his relatives aren’t going to be able to make our wedding. A couple of his mom’s friends hosted a shower for me recently, and they all turned out in force because, since they wouldn’t be able to make the wedding, they were going to make the shower come hell or high water (the shower also involved travel, but several hours’ fewer driving and no hotel). It was just within what his grandma was able to handle, travel wise. I was so touched by the effort they all made to be there!
Post # 13
I guess I’m confused as to why you would want to cancel a shower that is being thrown in your honor because other people aren’t coming to your DW?
You said you feel insignificant (which I can totally empathize with you on that) so the people who can’t make it to your wedding are making the effort to come to your shower…I think you are overlooking the positives here and being a little unrealistic when it comes to DW’s. Be happy that you’re having a shower thrown for you, tons of people are coming and you’ll get the interactions with your guests you otherwise wouldn’t have at all.
Post # 14
These are your comments in regard to your FI’s brother
“So here’s the deal, my FI’s brother got married last month. We had to travel 12 hours (there and back total), give up our weekend plus 2 work vacation days, and pay for our travel expenses”
It is very expensive for the guests – I am sure they would have loved to attend but @ $365 round trip if its a couple that’s x 2 – is accomodation and meals covered or is that an extra expense? and as you said there are lot’s of people attending your Bridal Shower it’s their way of showing their love and interest in your Wedding.
Post # 15
Actually, 25-30 people for an out of country destination wedding sounds about right.
So because less than 40% of your 175 person guest list couldn’t attend your out of country destination wedding, you’re going to sulk and skip the local wedding events where friends and family who can’t attend *could* celebrate with you?
Post # 16
We were recently invited to a destination wedding that we flat-out couldn’t go to because of 1) money and 2) time off work. Our inability to go made us sad, but it had no bearing at all on how much we love the couple.
However, the bridal shower was my chance to show the bride that love, give her an extra nice gift, and show her how much I support her and her wedding.
It sounds like you have a fantastic bridal party. Try to be grateful for them and all of the people who are coming to your shower. They’re probably disappointed they can’t attend your actual wedding ceremony and are really looking forward to getting to spend some time with you at your shower!