Post # 1
Back story: My Dad left when I was 5 yrs old & I saw him on weekends for a while until he moved out of state. I then didn’t see him for 13 years until last September when he bought me a plane ticket to see him.
My Mom basically raised me while my Dad wasn’t in the picture.
So, when it comes down to the wedding day, if my Dad actually makes it here, I want him to walk me down the aisle just because that’s how I’d always pictured it since i was young. I don’t, however, want him to “give me away” because he’s never really been there for me.
I said before that I’d want my mom to “give me away” and if my Dad doesn’t come, to walk me down the aisle. Then a bunch of drama went down & basically, she doesn’t want me to get married, doesn’t think my FI is the right one and isn’t paying for anything other than part of my dress. (My FI & I said we would not ask for $ but would take gratefully take it if offered but not conditionally, which my mom was not doing so I told her to forget paying for anything except my dress since I wouldn’t have gotten it if she didn’t say she’d help pay)
Anyway, to the point, I think I want my Dad to walk me down the aisle (or no one if he doesn’t come.. Maybe my mom, I’m still deciding on that) & no one to give me away. I don’t know how I’d tell my mom that now & I think it’d hurt her if I did, but I honestly feel weird having someone “give me away” when I’ve lived with my FI for almost 3 yrs, I’ve been paying my own way for longer, my Dad wasn’t part of my life growing up, and my mom doesn’t really show that she approves of the wedding..
Any thoughts/advice? Previous experience?
Post # 3
Let me just preface this by saying I have a great relationship with my father.. I talk to him every day and he is one of my favorite people in the world. He did walk me down the aisle as I always pictured him doing. That being said.. I decided to remove the “who gives this woman to this man” language from my ceremony. So although my dad did walk me down the aisle he did not formally give me away. Would that work for you? Another option would be to have your dad walk you half way down the aisle.. and then walk the rest of the way alone to your fiance. That will represent how you made your way to him all by yourself.
Post # 4
Yeah, I’m leaning way towards no giving away.
The way our ceremony location is set up, that’s kind of how it’d be anyway, whoever walks me would walk to the front row of seats & then I’d be walking by myself about 4-5 ft up a few steps to my FI.
Hmm, maybe then I’ll have my mom & dad walk me down so she can be involved too.
Post # 5
That’s actually quite common in many weddings and is how it’s done in all Jewish weddings. I think you should do whatever you and your family are most comfortable with!
Post # 6
I have a great relationship with my dad and I didn’t want to be given away. It just didn’t feel right. Both he and my mother walked me down the aisle. We put a bit in the ceremony where they and MIL (FIL not in the picture) got up and were asked if they supported us in our marriage, and said yes. I liked the idea of including the parents, because a marriage is also about families. You can do whatever feels right to you and your FI.