(Closed) No one wants to help but they all want to criticize

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

Sadly, this is the case with most brides. People are excited for it in theory. Like they are happy for you, but they dont want to hear the details or nitty gritty.  

Only you can be as happy as you are for your wedding.  That is why we all come here! I tried very hard to not speak about the wedding to often to anyone at all. My mom and fiance was the most, but I saved up all questions and topics for one conversation so that it didnt seem like I was constantly bringing it up.

For fiance, I would make a list of things we needed to decide then we would sit down and decide them. The rest of the week we would barely discuss the wedding unless he brought it up. Even if you only make one comment per conversation or every other conversation to people, its easy for them to get tired of the “constant talk”

Post # 4
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Thats why I keep my wedding thoughts limited to the bee. I rarely speak off the board about my plans. Because like you, I’ve found when you mention wedding, people are always quick to offer an unsolicted opionion.  “Oh well, why don’t you just go to city hall/weddings are a waste/this is what you should do”.  EXCUSE ME. I didn’t ask for your opinion or money so I don’t give a damn what you think about what I/we should do, thank you very much. I swear people are so out of order. I’m learning you can’t make anyone else happy so focus on what you and your FI want, everyone else can go kick rocks.

Post # 5
Member
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

It makes me so mad when people tell me I should just go to the courthouse.  Um, no honestly I am having the wedding for myself and no damn body else.  If you don’t want to hear about my wedding then don’t talk to me about it.  That is just the way I feel.  If I wanted to go to city hall and get married I would have done it already so leave me alone!!!

I undersand how you feel believe me everytime I ask my MOH for help she makes some crap up or she “forgets”  I am just like fine I’ll do it myself at least that way I know it is done how I want it.

Post # 8
Member
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Thank god for the wedding bee.  I also and going through this.  They are all happy to tell me what I’m doing wrong and what I should be doing.  But no one wants to help make positive decisions.  Dress is wrong, Venue is wrong, Date is wrong.  But when I ask them to help me find a dress, no one is interested.

 

Post # 9
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I am feeling this!! I have lost count of the number of times I’ve been in tears. I’ve been trying to make everyone else happy only to have them moan and complain and constantly ask for more. I’ve come to the realisation that if you don’t put yourself first and be strong noone else will. Being the bride during wedding planning is tough and lonely sometimes, this website has helped me feel understood. Good luck and hugs x

Post # 10
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I feel ya on this one too.  Although my mom and BM’s have been helpful, there are still plenty of people that want the scoop about the wedding just to go behindo our backs and talk crap!! People are so dramatic about weddings… I think they’re fun because they are all so different but some people insist on criticizing every single thing that is different then their weddnig. UGGGHH I’m just ready to be married and move on with our lives!

Post # 11
Member
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I am right there with you! When we first got engaged everyone was so excited for us but now it seems like all the excitement has faded.. I really haven’t had any help what so ever except from my dad who helped me with the STD’s.. We are having a small wedding & so I have my best friend as the bridesmaid & apparently my old roommate’s feelings are kind of hurt because she actually said “well I don’t feel lits my job to help you do anything its so & so’s” except my best friend lives almost 9 hrs away so it isn’t exactly easy for her to.. I’m glad I’m not the only one! I do honestly wish I had listen to FI & just eloped at the beach.

Post # 12
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

FI and I just had another blow up about the particulars of the wedding. This post makes me feel so much better that I’m not the only one who’s bummed out or having problems with FI, BM and family. I feel like I can’t please anyone and the whole process has gotten where it’s doing nothing but causing grief, misery and drama. Today I’ve made a decision! I will stop asking the BMs for opinions and being accomodating to their every whim. I will stop asking my FI for help on little (and big) details or to assist making a decision on ANYTHING. I will do things on my own with no ones help. I will do what I want and if the family doesn’t like it they can shove it! I think being mum on the wedding details is a good policy that I’m going to have to adopt as well. I’m just tired of dealing with everyone. When planning a wedding, you involve the people who are the most important to you and try to surround yourself with the ones who have always supported you. I don’t get how at such an important time they can be so…..Ugh! Sorry, for the mini-vent, ladies. You all are fabulous and wonderful!

Post # 13
Member
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

my mom and i are no longer speaking due to her many “colorful opinions” of how MY wedding should be. it’s all about YOU. if you want good advice from people that know what they are talking about – you are in the right place! everyone here is very helpful and knowledgable. i don’t really talk too much about wedding stuff off of here either. i always consult FI when making purchases, but outside of that, i ZIP IT! also, it’s a gret way for every little detail to be a surprise to everyone, right?? best wish!

Post # 14
Member
2161 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I am in the same boat, but it seems to be improving now that the wedding is getting closer.   It’s just that now, most of the stuff on my list are only things I (or FI) can do.

Post # 15
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Yup – it’s definitely time to put ourselves & our own wishes first girls! Everyone else will most likely complain whatever we do anyway ;0) xx

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