Post # 1
Am I the only one who feels like sometimes the people around me are not growing up?
I am in my 20’s, as are all my friends. However I am the only one in college, living on my own, working and engaged.
I went back to my hometown to visit this weekend. Ran into my ex. He’s still an asshole, but he works at a car wash and lives in his dads basement. He is dating a girl in high school and goes to high school parties almost every weekend. He is also into really hard drugs now…he was nothing like this when we dated, and I had found myself missing him (even though he was controlling/abusive, etc..) so maybe seeing him like this was a wake up call.
But most of my old friends..I was shocked. None of them are enrolled in college. None of them have jobs or are even trying to work. They all just are happy living with their parents and just going to the mall, hanging out, etc like they are in high school.
Im not saying its wrong to live with your parents or not work…I understand some people have rough financial situations. I am by no means rich, but I work my butt off to afford everything I need/want. I guess its just hard for me to see these people I grew up with, and remember hearing all their goals and aspirations…and now they are doing nothing, and are perfectly content with it.
The worst was, my friend is 25 and she and I went to dinner the other night. I mentioned wanting to order a really expensive dish but laughed and said something in passing about needing to save every dime I can for the honeymoon. She goes “Wow that must suck having to save money. Im so glad my dad lets me use his credit card…” she is 25. I am in disbelief. My parents stopped giving me an allowence (never their credit card!) at 16.
This is once again honestly a pointless rant, but I just wanted to know if anyone else sees this happening and are kind of shocked by it. What happened to growing up?
Post # 3
It really happens at different ages in different groups. By the time we were around 24, most of my friends were onto the next phase of their lives (jobs, marriage, starting to have kids, etc). In FI’s group of friends, I would honestly say a lot of them didn’t start “growing up” until late 20’s, around 27 – 28. Some people still are all about the partying, single life, reckless decisions, bad with money, etc even in their 30’s.
Marriage can be a really big transition time in your life and I would just say don’t be surprised if you start to find yourself naturally drawn to a different group of friends. That’s not a bad thing and it’s not ditching your old friends – it’s just that having friends who are at similar places in their lives usually is more enjoyable for all involved.
Post # 4
Give yourself another decade then look around and you’ll notice a difference.
When I graduated high school there were only about 6 of us that got college degrees. I honestly got all high and mighty and thought all those other people were losers. Now 25 years later a great number of those same “losers” have college and advanced degrees, have moved on, and are really successful. Hell they’re more educated than me! LOL
I found that it’s really unfair to look at a bunch of 20-soemthing kids and expect so much from them. They need time to grow up and mature. Even the ones that were married and parents in their 20s. They were no more grown up and ready to take on life than the rest of us.
Post # 5
Oh yes, I know what you mean. I’m actually right in the middle of my group of friends. I have some who are married with children, and some (very few these days) who are still going out and partying.
As the PP mentioned, I am finding I have less in common with those who are still going out. Nothing wrong with continuing to party but it’s the senseless drama that goes along with it that I hate. I am so glad to have grown out of that.
No real judgement though- everyone takes their own life path but doesn’t mean I have to stick around for their drama show 🙂
Post # 6
Mr. 99 and I have found out much to our shock and dismay, that we’ve outgrown a lot of our friends. We are childless by choice, our life focus is each other and we agreed to that a long time ago, because we both love to travel and have plans that include goals not coducive to parenting.
A lot of our friends have kids, they have jobs, but not careers due to the economy and their education choices and our lives, which used to run to paralell to each other’s, have really drifted apart….it’s difficult to relate to each other’s situation, because we are on such different paths, and it’s very hard to avoid hurt feelings or resentment because while they struggle to pay their mortgage, Mr. 99 and I are planning a weekend getaway or trip overseas…things we should be able to be excited about and eager to share with people, have to be pushed under the rug to avoid any awkwardness…and that just doesn’t work in a friendship.
It’s not a bad thing, you are just growing in different directions, and while it’s difficult to see the friendship you thought would be essential for the rest of your life fade into the background like old wallpaper, you cherish what you had and know that while the person you were once so close with is changing too…you both want the best for each other and hang onto the good memories…
Post # 7
@navywifenmoore: “The worst was, my friend is 25 and she and I went to dinner the other night. I mentioned wanting to order a really expensive dish but laughed and said something in passing about needing to save every dime I can for the honeymoon. She goes “Wow that must suck having to save money. Im so glad my dad lets me use his credit card…” she is 25. I am in disbelief. “
HOLY SHIT, this happened to FI and I (and both of us have decent salaried/benefits jobs) AND WE ARE STILL TELLING PPL THAT WE DECIDED TO SAVE EVERY DIME FOR THE HONEYMOON/HOUSE! wE just made an agreement at the end of December to “cut down on expenses, that includes if we go out for dinner, we halve the bill by getting only apps and one drink” and both FI are whole-hog fine with that. So we go out and w/ some of his friends the other weekend and they are thinking we’ll treat (cause we normally did back in our college days) and we just made mention that we are just getting a bite here because we’re saving up for the house/destination wedding/savings. And they come back with some snide bullsh remark. Just fking ugh. His two friends go to the restroom and FI and I look at each other like, “let’s just get NOTHING, eat the chips, and say “Oh we have to run guys!”‘ And we did! Lol, FI and I laughed til next week about that. We were proud to just cut the naysayers down back. Enough. Fk them. You’re right, at some point you have goals, make those goals happen, grow up and move on from the people that haven’t/can’t.
Post # 8
Oh my gosh, this could have been written by me! I’m getting married in a few months and will be 27. My FI will be 32 by then. I have friends MY AGE, dating 20 year old’s, living home with their parents with no interest in moving on, and some perfectly content to be jobless. Hello! We’re approaching 30! I also don’t think they understand that once I’m married and living 2 counties away, I won’t always be willing to drop everything and go out to dinner. I’ll be adjusting to my new life with my new husband, and saving money for a house and our future children. I hope they wake up soon. And I want to clarify: there isn’t necessarily anything wrong with those situations individually, but all together it’s quite concerning. I love my friends and I want to shake a few of them and wake them up!
Post # 9
@navywifenmoore: Ew. It’s their parents’ fault for letting them extend their adolescence well into their 20s and I think it’s really lazy and careless parenting. Sort of an ‘I’ll just throw money at my kids and that will solve their problems’ mentality. I will certainly not be like that with my children! It’s one thing to let your kid move into your basement after they finish college and are still looking for work, or temporarily if they don’t want to rent while they are saving to buy a home (my husband and I did that for a few months), but it’s another thing entirely to not even be working or educating yourself and feel like access to a parent’s credit card is a given, at 25! Yuck. Feel sorry for them and count your blessings for having clear-headed parents who didn’t give you the option to wait until your 30s to become an adult.
Post # 10
I don’t think people in their 20s need to get married or have kids or anything. And I don’t think a 4-year college is for everyone. I partied in my 20s. A lot. I even moved back in with my parents for 6 months while i saved up to leave the state. BUT, I worked and went to school and did not mooch off my parents. You can have fun and still work. People who don’t work and live off of mommy and daddy’s credit card are sad to me.
Post # 11
I feel you on this. My sister is three years older (24) and I have more college under my belt than her. I’ll be done this year and I’m 19. Who knows when she will be finished. My FI and I pay my parents, insurance, the entire phone bill, even buy 75% of the things for my wedding, and I am still asked for money by everyone. My FI and I both work soooo hard to save money for the wedding & moving & it breaks my heart when we are constantly asked for money by the people around us. My friends (and BMs) are all off at state universities and I’m awkward when they start talking about getting drunk, etc. Sure I’ve had my fun, but I can’t imagine partying, working, and going to school. I get a lot of crap for being so young & not having fun, but it’s just not me. My 20s are not going to be about partying and “finding myself.” I know who I am and I know what I’m doing with my life. I guess we are the small percentage that has already grown up.
& congrats on your wedding! I’m June 21 🙂
Post # 12
@navywifenmoore: I’m guessing you are in your very early 20’s if you are still comparing yourself to high school friends? I haven’t even talked to anyone from high school in many years and I’m 28.
But anyways, maybe it’s just that particular group? I know several “townies” but they definetly don’t represent everyone from high school.
Post # 13
My FI and I are engaged, own a house, and working (well, he is. I’m doing my PhD). However, my friends make up a huge variety of lifestyles.
Some are in school, finishing up, just getting back into school, working, having kids, etc. etc. Some are wildly successful, some are just scraping by. Some live on their own, with roommates, with their parents, or with their own families.
However, you learn as you age that any and all of these situations are not mutually exclusive. Someone who gets a Master’s will not absolutely be better off than that person who finished with their high school diploma. Life is weird, and it all depends on who gets lucky when.
Some of my friends are ‘livin’ the life,’ going on countless vacations, and going out to party all the time. Then 2 years later they’re strapped down with a 9-5 and own a house.
Try not to judge.
Also, just because you think you have life figured out now, things will invariably change and you’ll have to figure things out from square one all over again.