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I was married 6 months ago
I see so many posts from people who are hurt because friends, family, wedding party are not as "into" the wedding and you wished
I went thru this too.
A word to the wise: Your wedding is not as big of a deal to others as it is to you
Sound snotty and caddy? Maybe but it's not meant to be...it's the truth. For me...realizing this helped me a lot...ok maybe just a little, but it helped :-)
I had a VERY hard time. I had a mother isn't into weedings and hates "Cheesy" stuff. I have a wedding party who were not very involved and often did not seem as excited about the wedding as I would havdhoped.
I think it's best to just realize that "your wedding is a big deal to YOU' and maybe this will help you not get your feelings hurt
Sometimes we are upset because we are dissapointed. So maybe it's just best to prepare yourself.
I sent out STD that I was so proud of, not a SINGLE PERSON called or emailed to comment on them. I was laughed at MANY times by family memebers for being "obsessed with my wedding" This and SO MANY other things really hurt my feelings. I felt so misunderstood and not supported.
I guess I just wanted to give you all my advice: Just realize and accept this and try to not let it get to you
Our wedding is the biggest thing ever to us! It's exciting and amazing and all of that. It's all we can think of or talk about.But we need to remeber that other people have thier own lives and no one is ever going to be as excited about your wedding as you are. Try to not get hurt. It doesn't mean that people don't care about you or your wedding. It's just that you need a little perspective to realize that your wedding is a huge deal to YOU
If you are one of the lucky ones who is blessed with freinds and family who are super into your wedding...then lucky you! But MANY of us are not in the boat. Instead of crying and trying to figure out how to get people more involved, I think it's best to just realize that you are not alone. Your wedding is exciting to you and SO MANY PEOPLE do not understand.
That is what WB is for. This is the place to come where you can get all that good stuff that you are lacking from others. Come here to get your weddings needs met and try to not judge others too harshly for not being as engaged as you had hoped.
It may seem sometimes when you look online like everyone ELSE has supportive people in thier lives. That is NOT the case. I think that was the hardest part for me. It seemed like I was the only one without all these great people.
This isn't the case. You are not alone. Try to keep perspective on everything. :-)
Exactly!
And no one should care about it as much as you. How would we feel if we were expected to spend a year in a state of excitement, constantly asking about and doing a lot of time consuming help with the birthday planning of our mothers? Yes weddings are once in a lifetime but there are a ton of once in a life time events.
If someone likes parties and/or weddings or for some other reason is happy to be really involved - great - but it should not be a requirement to show how much they love the bride.
So true! 
My mother-in-law says she does love to look at our pictures on-line from time to time though. 
while i definitely agree with this, i still think our friends and family should realize that a wedding is an important event to us. my main issue is with my friends. yes, i know, my wedding isn't the most important thing in their life. i don't expect it to be. what i do expect is for them to know that right now it's one of the most important things in my life, and for them to do something about that. like ask me how planning is going, or act excited for me once in a while. i know why they're acting like this, they're bitter about their own relationships that aren't going anywhere. and i'll be harsh and say i don't care! i'll be there for them when they need me, and they need to be there for me now when i need them. that's what friends do. or that's what they're supposed to do.
I had my feelings hurt and cried so many tears
I made the mistake of basing how much someone must love or care for me based on how they reacted to my wedding. I realize now how silly that was
Now that I am out of wedding planning and no longer have "wedding brain" I have gained a little perspective
Online sucks sometimes. You see what feels like ALL these people who have mothers and sisters and bridesmaids who do SO MUCH. It can make you have a big pity party.
You are not alone ladies! This is why I really clung to WB while I was planning. This is the only place where I felt really understood.
Well said!!
No one ever commented on our STDs.
No one commented on the wedding website.
No one commented on my DIY invites.
No one brought the invites WITH them to use! (WHA??)
No one threw me a bridal shower.
No one called to see how planning was going.
No one commented on my dress until the day of the wedding.
In fact, no one said anything to me at all. My mom told me lots of compliments that were thrown out, but I never heard any of them firsthand. I think a lot of brides think that getting engaged is a huge deal to anyone but themselves...it's really not, except maybe to the parents. And a lot of brides are angry that someone isn't patting them on the back every step of the way, and telling them what great choices they are making, or what a good job they've done of planning. They won't. Get over it now, or be disappointed.
That's why I always laugh when someone posts that another friend or family member got engaged and "took the wind out of their sails" or "stole their thunder." There just isn't any thunder beyond the INITIAL moment people find out. You get the hour you announce it, and the wedding DAY. Everything else in between is really kinda lost by others who are busy leading their own lives. Such a sad truth. I was SO excited when my MOH told me she was engaged! Because we could plan TOGETHER and we were excited FOR each other. Unless you have someone else who really is just as excited as you are, it's just bad form to expect everyone to care so much. Wish I would have figured that out BEFORE the wedding, LOL.
This is a great post. I'm not in the same boat as I actually find it annoying when people obsess over my wedding and ask about every little detail, but everything said above is so true! When I was working on my web site the other night I actually found myself obsessing over a stupid detail and I had to stop myself and remind myself that nobody cares!
Great post! That being said, I am SO SO SO lucky! I have the best friends and family in the world!! So I can not complain at all about lack of support or interest in our wedding.
Say it ain't so Sprague! Just kidding :).
It's hard to remember that not everyone in my life is as excited about this day as I am. Thanks for the reminder!
What a good perspective. Even the groom doesn't usually care as much as we do!
This is so true. I have served as a bridesmaid many times before and those weddings were never "that important" to me. I mean, I was happy for all my besties, but I couldn't care less what their centerpieces looked like, or how much time they spent on their invitations. To me, it's not so much that I'm "obsessed" with wedding planning... more like learning about this whole industry! I never realized how much went into planning a wedding! Some of it is pretty ridiculous if you sit back and think that it's ONLY ONE DAY in a lifetime of days.
Well said!
I am about 3 months from the wedding and I am really starting to accept this as truth. The first few months were hard and I did cry and even threw a hissy fit with my mom over it.
So embarassing. I now see that it is impossible to have everyone care about all these little details about the wedding like I do. I know people are happy for me... but they have lives too!
I agree with @ginandtonic. Planning a wedding might not be someone else's thing. I think being surrounded by loved ones is what really matters. That being said, I sure do love wedding planning and reading about everyone's AMAZING ideas.
It is true and it is sad
But I say it I guess to remind each and every one of you that you are not alone
If it feels like others are not reacting the way you like.......just come read the boards and see 100 other girls who are in the same boat
Sucky? yes True? yes
But it's all about how we deal with it
Try to not let it get to you as much as it got to me. I made myself really sad for no good reason
The world isn't ganging up on you and you alone. It's just how it is. We all are or were in the same boat.
THANK GOD FOR THE HIVE!
I don't know what I would have done without all the support from you ladies!
So true.....this should be the FIRST post any bee reads :)
It is very frustrating though that some people just treat it as a social event or something they "might" drop by when we spend all this time.....ugh!
I see what you're saying here, but I think there is a difference between people not being as excited as you vs. not even recognizing the fact that you are engaged.
I joined WB after I went to see my extended family with my new FI for Easter and NO ONE congratulated us or asked to see the ring. I was in such SHOCK that they would completely ignore the fact that we got engaged, I needed somewhere to turn. I also come here to vent about my BM who is completely unresponsive which infuriates me as I was just a BM in her wedding.
People who congratulate you then tune you out when you start to talk about color scheme are fine in my book. I don't expect people to care. I have been lucky though after the Easter debacle, people are very supportive and interested, especially FI's family.
Some brides need constant attention and encouragement from BM's, friends and family, I'm not one of them. I realize the world is revolving around non-wedding related things and I actually get asked about my wedding a lot more than I expect!
this is soo true! it was a nice revelation for me after my shower. i almost got upset and then i realized that i have people that love me, but my wedding to my fiance is not their world. and my marriage won't be either! so i'm going to have a good time planning what i like and know that we did it for us. and we're glad to have the love of our families and friends.
i just have to keep reminding myself of this every day!
Well said! :) Thanks for a great post. I think every bride needs a little dose of this reality. Sucky, but true :)
@moderndailsy I will totally call myself out: I needed a lot of attention and reassurance haha
I think that is why there was a problem
ahh, i have been saying this for years! very well said. i've noticed that, with any big momentous change/life event, we always think, or assume, everyone else will be just as excited as we are. but in all truth, it's impossible because this is something happening to US, not them. they'll get as excited as they can for something that's not happening to them and that's all we can expect.
but with something personal like this (whether about an engagement/wedding, pregnancy, graduation, etc), we get hypersensitive about things and feelings are hurt a lot easier than usual. but this is something that needs to be in the back of our heads all the time.
Awesome-thanks for posting this. Helped to read this since I'm eight weeks away now and starting to get really excited. Going to remind myself that others will NOT be as excited as I am until the actual wedding day. :)
@ Tee You just hit the nail on the head!
with something personal like this (whether about an engagement/wedding, pregnancy, graduation, etc), we get hypersensitive about things and feelings are hurt a lot easier than usual
It's not just that we care so much and it's hard to understand where other people are coming from compared to our own emotions......but we are having a lot of these issues because we are at a time in our lives where we are a lot more emotional, vulnerable, needy, etc....
People care and love you but they can't keep the intrest sustained for an entire year like we can
Trust me....everyone will be THRILLED on your wedding day. Anything that you did not get in the way of excitment or support will be made up for on the day of :-)
I have the best memories of the people close to me on that day
@spraguebride I love everything you write, you're so honest! It's true, no one else cares. Not even a little bit as much as me and FI. And you know what- oh well! I'll have fun!
I should think "No one will ever care about my wedding as much as I do" before I write every check to a vendor! It's very true, well put!!
This is exactly what I try to respond to each of those "My friends and family don't care about the wedding" posts, and you put it very eloquently. I think society (wedding TV, etiquette guides with tons of responsibilities for all friends and family, etc) sets up these unrealistic expectations for brides.
I don't think it sucks all that much - it's just a matter of perspective. Your wedding is about you and your husband. When you plan a big vacation for you two or you decide to run a marathon, etc, you probably wouldn't expect people to ask about it all the time unless they're really into travel, marathons, etc. Same with weddings - unless they're into weddings, there is no reason they should care about yours. I think a congratulations, a timely RSVP, and showing up with a nice gift is all we should expect. And maybe a shower or bachelorette from the bridesmaids. Anything else is extra.
I agree 100% - if you have no expectations of anyone when it comes to the wedding you don't get disappointed!
And I don't mean that meanly it's just that it is your priority no one elses.
People are very uninvolved in my wedding (they care and ask how things are and will talk with me about it but won't necessarily be involved with anything). I think it is a blessing because I don't have to listen to anyone else's opinion except Mr. M, however, many would be upset by the situation.
lol this post made me laugh because its so true. I get so flustered and preoccupied wtih small things that wont get noticed. However, I will notice them, they're important to me and my FI and its bringing us closer together.
You are absolutely correct. It's the truth.
Although, there will always be one or two people who will notice things you didn't do and tell you about it. That's what I hate. That's when I say... "Well, apparently that wasn't important to me like it was for you. "
Thank you for putting that in perspective for me! It's so hard to keep in touch sometimes. I'm one of the girls who felt like someone "took the wind out of my sails", but realistically her and I are probably the only two in the family that are even thinking wedding thoughts.
Thanks for the much-needed reminder.
thank you spraguebride for the reminder! this is exactly what I keep telling myself as I stress about the small details...no one cares but me (and the FI)...this philosphy has started making the process a lot easier...did invitations in 45 minutes last night...a few months ago I would have stressed for weeks over a decision.
I honestly don't think this is universally true! I am pretty sure my mom cares more than I do, honestly, and we have family friends who care almost as much as my mom and I do. While I think I am lucky to have the support and excitement, there's also more people to please!
@yrret107: So true! Someone seems to always point out something they didn't like. I didn't have that happen at my wedding, and I am SO glad, LOL.
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