(Closed) No passion at all! So confused if I should end it? (long but please read)

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
1082 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I posted my above reply before I finished..

In your post you don’t say why you want more sex? Do you find yourself sexually unsatisifed or is it a belief that there is something wrong in your relationship because you don’t have as much sex as the average couple?

Post # 18
Member
1500 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

You say you can’t imagine your life without him. Is this because you love him so much? Or because you’ve gotten so comfortable with him?

If you left him, would you cry and be devastated? Or would you just be sad for a while and move on?

If you really love him, you need to work on it, and if you can’t talk about it together, then counseling is the only way to go.

Post # 19
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My FI was married before, and his then-wife and he basically became “roommates” and never were passionate or intimate with each other.  They were just friends that lived together.  It basically made them both pretty miserable as a whole, even though they both liked each other, were comfortable with each other, and were able to share some parts of life.

 

In their case, it was because his wife was gay.  She realized it after a number of years, and finally asked for a divorce.  The divorce was the best thing for both of them.  She’s with her new partner, and he and I are together and everyone is very happy.

 

A no-sex relationship may feel comfortable for a time, but I do think it signifies something is badly wrong.

 

You might read Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships by David Schnarch.  He talks about a number of couples and their intimacy problems and the therapies that helped with them.

 

Post # 20
Member
2128 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Baby #2 due Sep 2017

@Who_I_BEE:  It really depends on how important sex is to you. I’ve seen some threads on the intimacy board where a Bee has sex almost every day and is satisfied. Some Bees are satisfied with once a week. Some Bees are satisfied with sex once a month. Some people only want more sex because they think everyone else has a lot of sex and it’s ‘what everyone does, right?’ and some just don’t find a sexual connection as important as an emotional connection and love.

The reason you’re posting means you’re obviously not happy with the way things are, but I’m confident this is fixable with some communication and maybe some sexy ideas to get that spark back.

Post # 21
Member
9147 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@Who_I_BEE:  If you’re not satisfied with your relationship with him in the bedroom then it will cross over into other aspects of the relationship.  Is he happy with how things are?

I suggest having a conversation with him about the last time you were intimate and point out how long it’s been and ask why it’s been so long.  Make sure not to insult his masculinity because he may have a medical issue that is affecting his performance.  I would definitely consider having him visit a specialist to see if he has low testosterone if the issue is a low drive on his part.  If that’s not an issue and you both are unhappy with the situation then counseling may help.  However, if he is happy with how things are and you are miserable, things are not going to turn out well in the long run for your relationship.

Post # 22
Member
1831 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Sometimes the only way to get over not having enough sex and passion is to HAVE MORE SEX.

 

I get where people are coming from with the counseling and blah blah are you happy? crap but sometimes it’s just simple. Have more sex and keep doing it until you enjoy it!

In other words, stop being all up in your own head and just fuck until the cows come home.

Post # 23
Member
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t get a clear sense from your post of what you really want, other than to be “normal”. What happens when you try to initiate? How often would you like to have sex? Do you feel sexually frustrated, or just like that isn’t a big part of you anymore? How were things during the first year of your relationship? Was the sex more frequent/better, or has it always been an issue?

If you have sex so infrequently, it’s not surprising that it feels awkward and strange. Great sex ususally comes with lots of experience together, once both partners are relaxed, comfortable, and in touch with each other’s bodies. If you only do it twice a year, it’s never going to get any better.

I get that seeking counseling for this might be uncomfortable at first, and that it’s hard to understand how talking to a third party could magically spark passion in your relationship.  But frankly, the situation you describe is so far outside my realm of experience that I really don’t know how helpful or realistic the advice I have to give would be. I really think you should consider talking to someone with professional experience. All I can really tell you is that passion and sex tend to spiral up or down: more frequent and better sex will lead you to feel more passionately about each other, which will lead to more sex, which will make sex even better, and so on. As you’ve seen, the reverse also holds. So it’s not that a counselor will suddenly make you head over heels about each other, but that s/he will hopefully help you to kickstart the sex/passion cycle in the right direction and it will feed on itself from there.

Post # 23
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

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Post # 25
Member
615 posts
Busy bee

double post

Post # 28
Member
2830 posts
Sugar bee

This is an old post so I removed my post. 

The topic ‘No passion at all! So confused if I should end it? (long but please read)’ is closed to new replies.

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