my fmil is a cantor and officiating our wedding. she just said that she doesn't allow any pictures during the ceremony (after we go under the chuppah to when my fiance steps on the glass).
um, i am getting married in 11 days! already paid the photographer her $3000 deposit -- and now's when she tells me this!!!!!!!!
i have never heard of no pictures during the ceremony. anyone else?
i want to be as composed as possible when i talk to her because it's my FMIL!!!!!!!!
Perhaps she means by guests? That is the rule in my church and many others. There is no way she can tell you not to photograph your own wedding. Tell her that your photographer will be as discreet as possible, but to get over herself...in a nice way, of course.
I guess I have heard of it. Perhaps you can ask her whether it would be OK if the photographer takes pictures with NO flash--that would be less disruptive. My rabbi does not want flash or moving around so we just have to try to work around those requirements.
In the end...you could sort of give the hint to the photographer that you want her to ignore this restriction... I mean, what's going to happen? As long as your photographer isn't disruptive, flashing the camera every ten seconds and walking around all over the place, I don't think the rabbi or cantor will stop the ceremony to tell the photag to stop taking pictures. ;)
is it in her contract? if not, too bad, so sad. if so, then your in a predicament.
clarify with her that your photographer will be taking pictures during the ceremony (is it outdoor during daylight? she might just be bugged by flash).
Tell your photographer to photograph during the ceremony regardless...... in this business we go by the rule that "it's better to ask forgiveness than permission."
ok, so i told her that the photographer would use no flash, wouldn't go under/behind the chuppah, and would try and be super discreet ... and she has reluctantly agreed. but she is still going to talk to the photographer herself.
OOH! This happened to my mom 50 years ago. Their solution was to go back and "stage" the ceremony for photos moments after the real ceremony. Strange, but at least she got some photos out of it.
Your FMIL probably just wants to make sure that the religious aspects of this event will not be disrupted, which is annoying but I imagine that is her reason..... I'm getting married in a SUPER strict catholic church that allows only the pro photographer to take pics and he must stay BEHIND the congregation at all times. The reason is that they want this sacrament to really be a sacrament, which i can respect but seriously.... its driving me crazy!! Also the priest actually STOPS the ceremony to yell at someone for taking a picture I've been told. He told me he does this not to stress me out during the ceremony, and I was like, um, this will stress me out more! Ugh! At least your FMIL budged a little bit. Tell your photographer to be discreetly agressive during the ceremony. I'm sure if he/she is really good then he/she will find a way to take gorgeous pics, so try not to worry! :)
My rabbi said something pretty similar. Basically, he does not want to see the photographer or videographer during the ceremony. He said they can take pictures, just not move around and jump back and forth. He wants us to focus on one another during the ceremony and not be distracted by people jumping around in the background. I actually think it makes a lot of sense. I'm sure you'll find a way to compromise, just recognize that your cantor is doing this to make the ceremony special for you.
most photographers and videographers these days really try and do their jobs discreetly. Priests and Rabbi's that have this sort of clause are doing so because they've worked with what I like to call 'old school' photo/video teams who were very disrupted, had rolling tripods, walk all around the alter/ chuppah, etc. Basically your worst nightmare realized.
Let your photographer know the rules, but it's also important to express to your rabbi/priest/officiant that the reason you hired the photographer/video to document the ceremony is becaus<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold">e you aren't going to remember a darn thing about it when all is said and done! (it's called adrenaline and sensory overload).
Let the ceremony celebrant know that your photographer is 'very unobtrusive'. It never hurts to put a good word in for your photo/video team beforehand. Often celebrants look at them with a turned up nose. The ceremony is not 'show time' for your celebrant, and you'd be surprised how many of them, no matter how religious do look at it as that.... especially in los angeles. ahh.... but that's a whole other topic. ;)
Photographers and videographers jumping around are the last thing that you are going to notice when you are staring into his eyes and professing your love to him. Don't let the priest/rabbi/minister/officiant bully you into compromising your very expensive pics/video just because it "bugs" them.
well, i guess the thing that really got to me was that she wanted the videographer directly behind us -- as in right behind the chuppah. isn't that distracting??
and -- i just finished looking at her wedding album (she remarried 3 years ago) and *gasp* there are pictures from her ceremony!!
If your fmil is a cantor then I assume this will be a reform ceremony, which is not super-religious by any stretch of the imagination. So this probably has nothing to do with getting in the way of the sacred moment and more about personal preferences.
You are absolutely entitled to have whomever you want outside of the chuppah! The problem arises when people want the photos up close and the rabbi doesn't want a lens sticking under his chin to catch the bride sipping the wine etc.
With today's tele-lens I don't think it should be a problem, and as long as he doesn't make her feel like he's "invading her space"..
Of course this should be handled with tact, but you're completely in the right to have the photographer do his job during the ceremony.
I have also heard of this. I have seen many "staged" pictures. But photos could be taken when walking in and out, right? And posed photos before and/or after the ceremony. Those will probably all look better than the ones taken during an actual ceremony anyway. Don't worry, you will still get your money's worth from the photographer.
There is absolutely no tractate that prohibits photography during the chuppah portion of the wedding. I take issue with anyone who caused you undue stress, period. Get your rabbi to call her or give her to boot! what a bunch of mishigas!
my fmil is a cantor and officiating our wedding. she just said that she doesn't allow any pictures during the ceremony (after we go under the chuppah to when my fiance steps on the glass).
um, i am getting married in 11 days! already paid the photographer her $3000 deposit -- and now's when she tells me this!!!!!!!!
i have never heard of no pictures during the ceremony. anyone else?
i want to be as composed as possible when i talk to her because it's my FMIL!!!!!!!!
thanks for your help
posted by teacherbride 70 posts 6 months agoPerhaps she means by guests? That is the rule in my church and many others. There is no way she can tell you not to photograph your own wedding. Tell her that your photographer will be as discreet as possible, but to get over herself...in a nice way, of course.
posted by KateMW 483 posts 6 months agoI guess I have heard of it. Perhaps you can ask her whether it would be OK if the photographer takes pictures with NO flash--that would be less disruptive. My rabbi does not want flash or moving around so we just have to try to work around those requirements.
In the end...you could sort of give the hint to the photographer that you want her to ignore this restriction... I mean, what's going to happen? As long as your photographer isn't disruptive, flashing the camera every ten seconds and walking around all over the place, I don't think the rabbi or cantor will stop the ceremony to tell the photag to stop taking pictures. ;)
posted by yiska 123 posts 6 months agoshe's high.
is it in her contract? if not, too bad, so sad. if so, then your in a predicament.
clarify with her that your photographer will be taking pictures during the ceremony (is it outdoor during daylight? she might just be bugged by flash).
Tell your photographer to photograph during the ceremony regardless...... in this business we go by the rule that "it's better to ask forgiveness than permission."
posted by glittergrl 323 posts 6 months agoalso, just make sure your photographer understands not to get under the chuppah.
posted by glittergrl 323 posts 6 months agook, so i told her that the photographer would use no flash, wouldn't go under/behind the chuppah, and would try and be super discreet ... and she has reluctantly agreed. but she is still going to talk to the photographer herself.
is this what the whole MIL thing is about?
posted by teacherbride 70 posts 6 months agoOOH! This happened to my mom 50 years ago. Their solution was to go back and "stage" the ceremony for photos moments after the real ceremony. Strange, but at least she got some photos out of it.
posted by snmcdowell 468 posts 6 months agoohh, teacherbride... tell your photag not to be intidimated! :)
posted by yiska 123 posts 6 months agoYour FMIL probably just wants to make sure that the religious aspects of this event will not be disrupted, which is annoying but I imagine that is her reason..... I'm getting married in a SUPER strict catholic church that allows only the pro photographer to take pics and he must stay BEHIND the congregation at all times. The reason is that they want this sacrament to really be a sacrament, which i can respect but seriously.... its driving me crazy!! Also the priest actually STOPS the ceremony to yell at someone for taking a picture I've been told. He told me he does this not to stress me out during the ceremony, and I was like, um, this will stress me out more! Ugh! At least your FMIL budged a little bit. Tell your photographer to be discreetly agressive during the ceremony. I'm sure if he/she is really good then he/she will find a way to take gorgeous pics, so try not to worry! :)
posted by LaborDayBride 101 posts 6 months agoMy rabbi said something pretty similar. Basically, he does not want to see the photographer or videographer during the ceremony. He said they can take pictures, just not move around and jump back and forth. He wants us to focus on one another during the ceremony and not be distracted by people jumping around in the background. I actually think it makes a lot of sense. I'm sure you'll find a way to compromise, just recognize that your cantor is doing this to make the ceremony special for you.
posted by EK 182 posts 6 months agomost photographers and videographers these days really try and do their jobs discreetly. Priests and Rabbi's that have this sort of clause are doing so because they've worked with what I like to call 'old school' photo/video teams who were very disrupted, had rolling tripods, walk all around the alter/ chuppah, etc. Basically your worst nightmare realized.
Let your photographer know the rules, but it's also important to express to your rabbi/priest/officiant that the reason you hired the photographer/video to document the ceremony is becaus<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold">e you aren't going to remember a darn thing about it when all is said and done! (it's called adrenaline and sensory overload).
Let the ceremony celebrant know that your photographer is 'very unobtrusive'. It never hurts to put a good word in for your photo/video team beforehand. Often celebrants look at them with a turned up nose. The ceremony is not 'show time' for your celebrant, and you'd be surprised how many of them, no matter how religious do look at it as that.... especially in los angeles. ahh.... but that's a whole other topic. ;)
posted by glittergrl 323 posts 6 months agoPhotographers and videographers jumping around are the last thing that you are going to notice when you are staring into his eyes and professing your love to him. Don't let the priest/rabbi/minister/officiant bully you into compromising your very expensive pics/video just because it "bugs" them.
posted by Niki 433 posts 6 months agowell, i guess the thing that really got to me was that she wanted the videographer directly behind us -- as in right behind the chuppah. isn't that distracting??
and -- i just finished looking at her wedding album (she remarried 3 years ago) and *gasp* there are pictures from her ceremony!!
posted by teacherbride 70 posts 6 months ago
posted by Niki 433 posts 6 months agoI have also heard of this. I have seen many "staged" pictures. But photos could be taken when walking in and out, right? And posed photos before and/or after the ceremony. Those will probably all look better than the ones taken during an actual ceremony anyway. Don't worry, you will still get your money's worth from the photographer.
posted by Candi1024 304 posts 6 months agoThere is absolutely no tractate that prohibits photography during the chuppah portion of the wedding. I take issue with anyone who caused you undue stress, period. Get your rabbi to call her or give her to boot! what a bunch of mishigas!
posted by ju1244 254 posts 5 months ago