'No Plus Ones' Problems. Share your vents

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

It’s very rude to not include plus ones at a wedding, especially live ins. I know you don’t want advice, but how can you expect people to celebrate your relationship when you aren’t acknowledging theirs? She doesn’t have a bad attitude, you do.

Post # 4
Member
2102 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MissW2MrsB:  Ugh my friend is getting married and we were JUST talking about not giving people who are not in serious relationships and will know many other guests plus ones… I completely understand and I am so sorry you’re getting bullied into it.

I let people have plus ones and most didn’t take me up on the offer – of those that did, I had 3 no-shows!  Granted that’s not a ton but its annoying when the person I knew was decidedly going to include someone else and then ended up coming alone, after I already paid for their plus one!  At least bring ANYONE, so the $ didn’t get wasted. GRRRRRR! So rude.

Hopefully they will realize blood is thicker than water and will come as a family unit without the boyfriend.

They’re lucky you included them at all! Sheesh!

 

Post # 5
Member
5966 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

@MissW2MrsB:  Im not sure what etiquette is like where you come from but this is just flat out rude. So vent away but this just seems ridiculous. I would not be coming to your wedding if you excluded my partner. sorry. I don’t really have anything positive to say because I can’t see anything right with how you’re handling the situation. Things could be different where you are from, but this kind of set up would never be acceptable in my circle of family and friends. there would be a lot of hurt feelings and drama. I hope things somehow get worked out but I would just be understanding if they choose not to come to your wedding.

Post # 6
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I know you’re not looking for advice, but I have to ask, what if they’re engaged by then? What if any of the people with live-in partners get engaged and get married by then? Then what? Your wedding is still over a year away and this is all very possible.

Post # 8
Member
4639 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I understand not including random plus ones, but live in partners/ serious SOs.. That’s just rude. If your budget prevents you from being courteous I’d reevaluate your options or get used to the fact that people will decline.

Post # 11
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@MissW2MrsB:  We prevented the snowballing by addressing the issue as “Ms. Jane Smith and Mr. John Doe” for couples that lived together or were engaged. I would never attend a wedding without my FI, even if it was my good friend’s wedding. I’d feel so slighted.

Post # 12
Member
1387 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

We are not giving singles a plus one for our wedding but not to invite someone’s partner of 5 years who they live with, I think is crossing the line.  However, it’s your wedding and you can invite who you want, and they can politely decline.

Post # 13
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@MissW2MrsB:  That’s exactly right, you need to change the entire wedding. It’s the wedding YOU want, but as soon as you invite guests you need to take their comfort into consideration. So if you can’t afford to properly host them, you need to readjust your idea about your perfect wedding. I wouldn’t attend a wedding if my SO wasn’t invited.

What you aunt doing isn’t rude; what you are doing is.

Post # 14
Member
2102 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MissW2MrsB:  I don’t think the bees commenting above read your story well… it is a SMALL WEDDING and this cousin will have HER ENTIRE IMMEDIATE FAMILY present! She doesn’t need a plus one!  She needs a reality check that this isn’t about her! Its OP’s wedding and she’d like it to be small, family only affair… and BRAVO to that! I wish I had eloped with a small # of family and friends instead of the 150 that I had… I feel like I lost it and focus was shifted from me and my DH to the guests and their desires… are they having fun? are they eating well? are they enjoying the music? are they eating the candy bar and taking photos in the booth? are they enjoying the scenery on the yacht? are they drunk enough? Is it too hot in here? etc etc etc

Have your intimate wedding and enjoy every minute surrounded by those who want to celebrate and support this big step in the life of your family!

Anyone selfish enough to say “I won’t come unless my boyfriend can” is being a self-centered brat and doesn’t need to be there anway… 

Post # 15
Member
439 posts
Helper bee

If the wedding YOU want is blatantly rude to your guests, then no – no you shouldn’t. 

 

Thhe is isn’t the flavor of the month here – we’re talking long term committed cohabitating or engaged couples. There’s just something quite precious about saying ‘please come celebrate MY relationship, but I can’t be bothered to acknowledge yours.’

Post # 16
Member
6964 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@MissW2MrsB:  It is sad that you are not facing the possibility that your aunt and cousin won’t come to your wedding as a result of the boyfriend not being invited. While I agree with PPs that the etiquette of not dividing couples is there for a reason (I’d be seriously annoyed if my FI wasn’t invited to my cousin’s wedding even if we weren’t engaged and just living together), I think for the aunt to not go is a little dramatic. 

But here’s the thing- unless you are having a big family wedding with kids and partners invited in a location that is easy for everyone to get to and on a non-holiday weekend , you have to know that your wedding choices are going to impact who decides to go. Have exactly the wedding you want, but you’re going to have to grow a thicker skin when it comes to these kinds of reactions. I imagine you’re going to be getting more of it if there are other serious couples that you are splitting up. 

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