No plus ones… trouble.

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Tell her no one else is bring their plus one, and that it was suppose to be family only but you really wanted her there. 

guilt her 

Post # 5
Member
466 posts
Helper bee

@Strawberryfarmer:  Honestly, since its a destination wedding, and she won’t have any other friends there, I kinda think you should give her a plus one.  You will be too busy to entertain her the entire time.  Is there another very close mutual friend she could invite to keep her company?  Depending on her relationship with your family, it could be very awkward for her to spend 5 days with them alone.  You are very generous to pay her way, and I DO see your point, but what’s the point of inviting someone to your wedding if you know they won’t be comfortable?  If she is willing to pay for her plus one, what is the problem?  

Post # 6
Member
4513 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Honestly I think she is overreacting about it. If she was in a serious relationship, engaged, married then of course! But its a small wedding and I think she should be understanding of that, especially when you are covering all of the travel costs.

I had a small wedding(38 guests) and we didn’t get guilted into inviting anyone that we didn’t want there. I mean to the point that I only invited 2 of my 3 stepsisters. We only wanted people to attend that we truly wanted to be there. Period.

I think you should just tell her that you wish you could extend the invitation to her +1 but that you really want to be surrounded by your closest friends and family (not a guy that you don’t even know and that may not be around in her life for an extended period of time). Not to mention the additional cost of flying him there and covering his food/lodging! I’m sure she just worries about being bored and on her own for 5 days. The fifth wheel kind of situation. Be sure to let her know that you will have time for her and she’ll be included rather than just being off to the side by herself.

 

There was a similar situation with one of my friends. She had a smallish wedding and her very best friend brought a +1 that no one knew. He ended up being in a TON of their photos. Well… they broke up. So now the couple has a bunch of photos with all of their closest friends/relatives and then this guy. This random guy that really means nothing to anyone in the family and now also means nothing to the best friend! Really sucks.

Post # 7
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@lawyerchick13:  So  your saying she should let her friend bring someone she’s never met/doesn’t know to spend her wedding week with because her friend’s complaining?

k.

Post # 8
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@Strawberryfarmer: 

I can see why you would not give a +1 for many reasons. First off, having a total stranger at your intimate wedding, someone you will very likely never see again is not ok with me. But, this is my only view on her side…does she have to stay for the 5 days? If so, does she know anyone besides you? She might be thinking she will be lonely because I know it is a lot to ask for you to spend every waking second w/ her. Just a thought… maybe, for her comfort, allow the plus one. But if you know she is social and is not staying the entire 5 days then tell her no. Hope this helps.

Post # 10
Member
1164 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@lawyerchick13:  +1

 

 

@Strawberryfarmer: I get where you’re coming from, but I also understand her side. It is just your closest family plus her. I know I’d feel awkward for that many days spending time with someone else’s family, even if I knew the family and was close to them. Surely every second of those five days will not be spent doing wedding stuff. I’d be awfully lonely sitting in my room every evening alone in a place that’s not home. Like I said, I get your side too. But maybe there’s a compromise. I wouldn’t pay for her +1 but I’d maybe offer to let her bring someone as long as she’s willing to pay for them. Then the ball is in her court and if she can’t or won’t pay, it’s on her and not you. 

 

Post # 11
Member
466 posts
Helper bee

@menzies:  I’m saying it really sucks to go to a destination wedding where you only know the bride.  Its one thing when you show up for a couple of awkward hours to show your support, its another thing when its a five day marathon.  I’ve gone to weddings both destination and normal, where I only knew the bridal couple.  They didn’t have time to spend with me.  When it was only a few hours, it wasn’t a problem and I didn’t mind entertaining myself for a few hours.  However, for five days?  That’s a lot to ask.  Why would I want to invite a guest knowing she would be miserable?  Even if the bride is paying, vacation days, at least for me, are extremely precious.  I’ve had a job where I’ve only had a week of vacation, total, for the year.  Using those on a friends wedding would mean I can’t visit my family for Christmas or Thanksgiving.  

Unless a couple is eloping, not everything is about the bridal couple.  If they are having guests, they need to consider their guests comfort.     

Post # 12
Member
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’m confused. Who is she trying to bring? I’d understand her frustration if, like you said, she was in a relationship. In that case, my advice would be to go ahead and give her the +1. But she’s not. Is she worked up about it because of the principle that she’s the only one who’s not able to bring an SO? It’s not your fault that she’s single and none of your siblings are…

@lawyerchick13: That’s what I’ve always said. If you don’t want to deal with people-pleasing then just elope. After reading your reply, I now understand where the OP’s friend may be coming from. The bridal couple won’t be hanging out with her much and she probably won’t know anyone else very well.

Post # 14
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@taraelisabeth:  +1

I would never attend a destination wedding if I couldn’t bring a guest. Since you said it’s not an option, I don’t think there’s really anything else you can do. 

Unless she is invited to not leave your side for 5 days or something. Wedding night included. Haha.

Post # 15
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Love that you’re paying everyone’s way for your destination wedding!

Post # 16
Member
4513 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Strawberryfarmer:  No problem. I mean – you’re paying for EVERYTHING. Some people will always find something to complain about. If my friend offered to pay for me to fly to her wedding, plus put me up for 5 days with food, I would not have the nerve to complain. Don’t feel bad.

So many people hate DW weddings because they think its rude to expect guests to pay for all the travel/accommodations. You’re covering that so you’ve already gone above and beyond. Now you have to pay for a stranger (that you really don’t want there) to attend your wedding too? You’re BFFs. She’ll get over it 🙂

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors