- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
My fiance didn't propose to me. I didn't propose to him. We decided we were going to get married, and became officially "engaged" when we set a date. I asked him to buy me a ring because, well, I like jewelry, but there was definetly no surprise, no romance, and no proposal.
Are there other people out there who are engaged, getting married, but had no proposal? I just think that it's such a big decision in life - and we're both not overly romantic or traditional or like surprises, so it was the best way for us to go (there was a lot of talking that had to be done first). And until I made my way into the Wedding Blog World, I didn't think I was that unusual... until I saw everyone with their cute proposal stories.
So - anyone out there - engaged with no proposal?
My parents did it this way. I asked my mom how my dad proposed to her and she was like..."well, we just kinda had a conversation and decided to get married"
I was like....Oh, ok! lol
This was exactly how my parents got married too :) Thirty years later they are still as happy as can be. When we were children we weren't very impressed by the story though! (As an adult I appreciate it a lot more.) A strong foundation doesn't mean a ring or a "proposal" from one person to another - it means making the right decision for you as a couple! I got the ring and the proposal, but Fi seemed to want that more than me (I think so then he could get out of planning the wedding - he's done his part). I think proposals are getting more common now than they were say 30 years ago, it's like we've moved back to being more old fashioned.
Another parent story to add to the mix. My Mum and Dad worked together. Dad said to Mum one day, "so when's the wedding?" and they made a date. Then they went and got a ring made for Mum that she liked. The rest is history I guess!
thats how my parents did it too!! 28 years later and they're still married. i think we all have that conversation about getting married, then some have a "formal" proposal and some don't! congrats by the way!
My parents too! I asked my mom how my dad proposed one time and she said it was lame, he just kind of said, "ok, well, should we go buy a ring?" And she was like, "Umm, are you proposing to me?" Knowing my mom I'm actually surprised she didn't make him do it again. They will have been married for 30 years next summer.
The fancy proposal must be more of a recent thing!
i had no proposal and i make fun of it to hubby... lets just say him telling me he was going to buy me a ring and we were going to get married is a little bit R rated but here we are... married and happy and he still hasnt asked me to be his wife :)
There was no big proposal for me either. He casually asked me over and over for months, but no ring. By the time he bought my ring, he just handed it to me. No romance at all. lol. I don't mind.
lol, you're like the charlotte/trey plot. "I suggested we get married, and he said 'okie dokie'".....
i think it's really common. a lot of people make this huge decision...shocker...RATIONALLY! through a conversation and a mutual decision that this is the next best step in their relationship. don't worry about it :)
and hey, you can always just tell your kids he proposed in front of tiffany's ;)
My son's father and I decided to get married as well. It felt right at the time. We broke up after that, but it had nothing to do with the way we decided to get married or anything like that. We had different goals in life. I definitely think that it's a cool way to get married. The proposal and surprise are nice, but I'd love to have the control.. However M is a traditionalist so I'll have the surprise etc. and I am happy to make him happy with it.
@ - Haha, it was more like, Hey, do you want to get married? And he was like, uhhh, OK, I guess... and then I had to figure out over the next few weeks why he was so unenthused about it (considering we had been talking about marriage for months). Turns out he had this deep-seeded issue of thinking that marriage never works (thanks, divorced and unhappy parents), and though getting married would ruin us.
I never thought of that SATC episode before.
I talked to my mom about it (who also had two non-proposals!), and I think that the surprise big engagement may be a recent invention as well.
That's how my parents got engaged, basically! At Christmas my Dad gave my mom a record and a ring, except that it was a surprise to nobody, since they'd discussed getting married beforehand. And they were babies! My mother was barely 20 and they handled it with such maturity!
my parents didn't have a real proposal either! they always just say that they knew they were getting married. it was really important to my fi to propose, but by the time he did, we had already talked about it so much that it was really a formality. a wonderful, totally surprising, amazing story to tell, but still--we were already engaged, for all intents and purposes!
My FH and I decided to get married a while back, but I didn't want to become "engaged" until I got an engagement ring (is that wrong?). So when he bought me a ring, he called me up from the jewelry store, and said, "Hey hun, so hypothetical here. If I was hypothetically in a hypothetical jewelry store, and hypothetically I was holding two hypothetical rings, hypothetically which one would you choose? [insert description of two beautiful rings]" I told him that "hypotheticall" I'd want him to choose and surprise me. When I got home that night, he did in fact get down on one knee, and started the proposal, but completely forgot to ask him if I wanted to marry him. He asked if I wanted to see the rings! (bridal set) Keep in mind this was in our messy kitchen right next to the litter box.
He's too funny, and I love him to death. So when it comes to "normal proposals" I don't think we're up there. Especially because I was already planning the wedding before he bought me a ring! 
maybe because I am the age of most of your moms our decision went the same way, no candy and flowers just every week he would say "when should we get married"
I would say "lets see- after final divorce papers, after bills are paid, after your colonoscopy, after, after, after, after." Finally he kidnapped me and drove to David's Bridal on a rainy saturday afternoon and "forced" me to try on wedding dresses. When he said "you have to marry me in that ONE" and got teary eyed I said ok. Of course then came the issues of where, when etc. So as interim we are having an awsome engagement party this Sunday. I hope to have some pixs to share.
We decided just as you did and started planning the wedding but didn't consider it official until he proposed but really only because I wanted "the proposal".
Everybody is different and all proposals are different!
As long as you do what is good for you that is all that matters!
My dad proposed to my mom while leaving to do a 6 week stint in the army and said "go pick out yourself a ring while I'm gone!" and they have been happily married for 35 years!
My parents did it this way. We always joke that my mom "proposed" because she basically told my dad it was marry her or she'd leave him. Sounds like a relationship shouldn't start that way, but they're still happy today! He just hates change and to this day their dynamic is my mom instigating change, and him putting up with it.
R and I also decided on marriage. We picked out my ring together (okay, I showed him the Tiffany ring I love, and he asked FBIL's dad, our jeweler, what he could do about it.) He's making payments on the ring right now, and is adamant about surprising me with a "proposal" even though we've already told family and close friends. I'm glad! It'll be nice to have that moment, but it does kind of suck being in limbo right now... considering ourselves engaged, when everyone's going, "well, where's the ring?"
I got a proposal and ring, but it was after we'd already set the date and booked our venue. We had been talking about marriage and basically were engaged with no ring - I told my parents, he told his parents, etc. We were using a family stone to get my ring made so it toook a while for me to get my actual e-ring, but we considered ourselves engaged nonetheless. A ring doesn not an engagement make, in my opinion. Of course there are a bunch of people who did not share that sentiment, but I feel that's kind of snobbish. Plenty of people can't even afford rings. My parents couldn't, FI's parents couldn't. They were just as engaged as anyone else.
That's how my cousin got engaged and married. They had something big come up. He was in the Navy, so they just decided it would be the best way to go.
I don't think it's that unusal these days.
We decided together to marry each other. It was over a period of time and discussions about what we were doing with our lives. We started making plans, set a date, put down deposits, etc., with no ring and no proposal. He let me know it was important to give me a ring, so we picked one out together and he did formally ask me and present the ring. I thought it was a little silly since we already had all kinds of plans, but it was important to him, and sweet. So I guess I'm in-between.
I think that a fair number of women who are waiting as not-quite engaged have discussed marriage as an agreement between both parties, but I can't understand putting yourself in the position of waiting for someone else or some piece of jewelry. If it's important to them and their partners are willing, though, it sure makes for some sweet stories.
I was at first...here's how it happened...i went to a bridal show in Jan of this year and when I came home I just told my FH that we were getting married on 6/19/10 and he said ok so I was planning a wedding with no proposal but then in July he surprised by proposing at the lake front.
@ sunshine bride- I must say, just because my fiance proposed to me doesn't mean we made the decision irrationally. You can be rational and romantic all at once, the two are certainly not mutually exclusive.
This is how FI and I got engaged. We sat down and talked about it in January and started planning. I thought it was just kind of rational, no it wasn't super romantic but we discussed it as a team which I really loved. I actually told FI before we moved in together if he didn't see us getting married someday then there was no point and I would just find another roommate. So in my opinion we kinda made the decision then, we just didn't know when. I do have a proposal story tho, because he didn't get my ring until July and he "propsed" at Gettysburg with the ring.
Technically when we first started hanging out we decided that we should date. After awhile we decided that we should get engaged. But we actually didn't consider ourselves engaged until he proposed (even though we had talked about it and I knew it was coming).
Good thing we aren't in a tv show like Grey's Anatomy or we might end up deciding to get married on a post it note...or even worse in SATC break up on a post it. haha
As we discussed the idea of getting married over time, I always made it clear that I did NOT want a proposal hahaha... they are just so not me. I feel like it creates power dynamics I don't like -- the man decides when the marriage can happen, and he initiates the asking, which the woman can either accept or decline. It just bugs me I guess. I get it that people think it's romantic... and if they're into it, more power to them! (Obviously most people are & I'm in minority here).
So eventually over time we decided to get married, thought about when would be the best timing to do it, I picked out the stone & setting I wanted... and we told people! I've taken personal pride in telling people "FI and I decided to get married." I love it! :)
The first thing everyone asks -- HOW DID HE DO IT?! hahahhah
There was no proposal for us either! We just rationally decided to get married together. In FI's culture, there's usually no proposal, so I knew he wouldn't do it...I actually had to impress on him the need for a ring. He thought it was stupid at first, but then once he saw it on my finger...and started noticing other people's engagement rings, he understood!
It was a huge problem for us though that there was no proposal. People didn't think it was 'real.' They were really reluctant to celebrate or get excited because they thought it was just talk. It took actually booking the venue and changing our FB statuses (seriously) for people to finally realize it was real.
We also had "the conversation"... It started casually in the car, ended in my apartment as we were taking our coats off. We both decided that we wanted this, and three days later, went ring shopping and bought one, because we were going to have dinner with my parents to tell them, and I did not want to do it without a ring. I would not change one single detail about our mutual proposal! :)
@marinara: I totally agree with you about the pride of deciding together - we both are minority I guess, haha!
PLanning a wedding with a date makes you engaged, not a ring. The ends justify the means.
For me I felt like somehow all the sudden we were married. Like...wait was that his proposal?...so are we engaged yet?
I've always dreamt of a romantic proposal but SO is more of a practical guy.
We dated in grad school, then after graduation a big decision on where our relationship was heading came up because it was affecting which job offers we were going to take. It seemed like we decided to end the relationship and focus on our futures first. However, while I was helping my SO (at that time he was about to become ex-BF) move out of his apartment we got into this huge arguement over some stupid moving related issue. When things calmed down I was expecting him to apologize but instead he said "Let's get married" I was half in shock and half teary eyed. Considering I was still hurt from the decision to break up, I was so happy.
We didn't have a real engagement period though...meaning I never had a formal announcement, engagement party, or bridal shower. He just told me "My friends suggested me to get you an engagement ring. Do you want to pick it together or do you want me to just chose one". The budget was my biggest mistake though, he originally wanted something that reflected where we were at that time-meaning what he had in his savings account- (young professinal just starting) but I wanted to wait and get something better. I paid for that mistake by waiting for him to save up for 2 years...that's right 2 years after the proposal!! I'm terrible aren't I??
So the engagement ring came at the same time as our wedding bands, which came a month before our wedding. Wedding takes place first then SO gives me the ring in front of my parents...nothing romantic. My mom even asked him if he'd prefer to make it a surprise sometime later but he was so tired of waiting for the ring the past 2 years. Whenever anyone asks me how did he do it they all get disappointed with my answer! :)
@Mermaid1082 - Exactly this. I actually had this argued into me - I used to say we weren't engaged, but we were planning on getting married. Which kind of means you are engaged.
"Hey, Love?" I say in my sweetest voice
"ya?"
"It's almost October. The Church bulletin says that we need to give 12 months to the day notice for a wedding..."
"OK, uh, do what you have to do."
"So, if the church is available, then I should book?"
"sure."
"and what about _______ (the photog)."
Whatever needs to be done right now.
-----
next day
----
"Hey, Love."
"ya."
"Photog is book on October 9th already. It's the 2nd or 16th?"
"Ok, We'll see what the church says."
------
few days later
---
"Hi church coord. we want to set a date for a wedding."
"WOW, so glad you came in so early!" (uh, that's what the bulletin says! ;-)
"We're thinking the 2nd"
"well, we have the 10:30 slot open."
"hmmmm..... well, the 2nd is really close to high season for beach rentals..... the 16th?"
"We don't have your priest you want avail. but we have a 2:30"
"We'll take it!"
---
"Hey, Photog?"
"hi! figure a date?"
"Yup, the 16th"
"sweet, you're on the books."
---
Um.... STILL WAITING ON THE RING!
HAHAHA
We talked about marriage early in our relationship and I don't really recall the first time we said we wanted to marry each other exactly, but by the second month it was a sure thing in both of our minds. Eventually we set a date and started planning because we wanted to make sure we did everything far enough out. He proposed because he knew I wanted a proposal and a ring and that's when we officially announced our engagement, but we decided to get married in a very mutual, non-eventful way. I don't think its unusual!
Like a lot of people, we planned part of the wedding before the proposal and ring. We set a date, booked a reception venue, booked a ceremony venue, booked a DJ, and booked a photographer, all before the proposal. He still did the whole, called my dad and asked for permission thing, and totally surprised me with the proposal, but I don't like surprises, so I'm glad we discussed things before hand, because I don't think I would have chosen the date I did if it would have been such a surprise.
That's what my parents did too! My dad just looked at my mom one day, said "hey babe, you want to get married??" She said okay, and two weeks later they were married. Still married after 30 years, so I think that's pretty cool!
My mum didn't have a proposal as such, she was asked by my dad "could I get this house if you got it with me too?"
hahaha these are great stories. ^_^
me and my FI decided to go ring shopping together and when we got the ring I just started wearing right out the store... and that's how we basically got engaged. ^_^
My parents never had a proposal and I didn't want to be like them but in a way I was. We knew early on that we wanted to get married and that is where this relationship was going. We had talked about what time of year and when he would propose. In July I found the place we should have the reception and asked about open dates. We then discussed booking it and we did in August. I always knew I wanted to use a diamond from a ring that was my grandmothers so we had to wait till my mom brought it to us to make a setting. We did that one saturday and the ring was ready the next saturday. Since I wanted an offical propsal before we told everyone he got down on one knee the next day and gave me the ring. No real surprise in it. So technically I did get a proposal but really we all ready had things started and I was there when the ring was picked out and everything.
I've been feeling kind of under fire recently (from my MOH, nonetheless) for not being patient enough to wait for a "real" proposal. FH and I had discussed marriage casually for several months, especially after I moved into his house (My stuff stayed at my apartment) As the lease on my overpriced storage unit ran out, I expressed my need to make it official, or I was not going to give up my safety net. During one month, I gave up my apartment, moved all of my furniture in, went ring shopping (twice), and researched/shared my research wedding venues. A week before the "deadline," he picked up the mutually picked out and purchased ring and I met him at a carnival for his school...knowing that ring was sitting in his glove box! After an hour of loitering at the carnival, I just had to see my ring. So we walked to his car and he handed me the box, while he continued to eat his snow cone. Later that night, after showing lots of people, he did ask "Will you marry me?" Just the handing over of the credit card to buy the ring was the only symbol of commitment I needed.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Future Mrs K | 7 |
| Suikerbossie | 7 |
| Rivendeler | 6 |
| ellisrobertson | 6 |
| ndreighton | 5 |
| janetsnakehole | 5 |
| ladyartichoke | 4 |
 turtles73 |
4 |
| deniselobo | 4 |
| Miss Godiva | 3 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Miss Godiva | 1 |
| mrsjjohnson2b | 1 |
| ladyartichoke | 1 |
| Future Mrs K | 1 |
| bonkeyball3 | 1 |
