Post # 1
The title says it all.
My SO and I have been dating for 7.5 years and talking marriage for 2. It is really important to him to surprise me with a proposal. Four months ago he asked me to stop brining it up so that he had the opportunity to put together a surprise. I’ve clammed up and kind of settled into a hopeful, excited anticipation.
We will have to pay for our wedding ourselves, in its entirety. This is a major financial committment, and up till now we haven’t really had the resources. 2014 is looking like it’s going to be the first year of our lives together where we will actually have the financial means to put this wedding shindig together. We’ve both had a banner December. So I kind of thought… maybe… he might propose this Christmas. I know I shouldn’t have had my hopes up, but I did.
Well, he didn’t propose. The big box under the tree, which I hoped was a fake-out, was actually a terarium. (A lovely terrarium in which I will build the most wonderful little green space!) I think I knew deep down it wasn’t coming. I told myself over and over again not to wait for it. We’re spending the holiday with his family and he wasn’t acting any different, or even really paying any special attention to me.
But telling one’s self to chill out rarely translate into actually calming down, and now I’m trying to still my disappointment. In the next two months, we have New Years, my birthday, his birthday, and Valentine’s Day. I know that I’m going to be hoping for a proposal on all of those days, and not going to get one. I am disappointed in myself for wanting this so bad, and disappointed in him for not delivering.
God grant me the peace I need to be less attached to the idea of a proposal and more apprecicative of the loving, wonderful partner that I have. I’m searching for the spirit of hope, love, and grace that Christmas is supposed to bring.
Thanks for listening Bees.
Post # 3
@MsAloe: big hugs – know EXACTLY how you feel. Last Christmas was our 8th together. My proposal came for my 30th birthday in March.
We were also with his parents for the holidays last year. I would give myself pep talks in the mirror to get me through. I knew the ring wasn’t coming then, he hadn’t said so – but i knew. I would look in the mirror, tell myself it wasn’t coming and it was okay and that I was going ot have a fantastic time. As weird as that sounds – it helped.
Post # 4
So I suppose it’s not an engagement terrarium? (I have a friend who insists she wants an “engagement canoe”- sorry for the joke)
I’m sorry to hear that your hopes of a Christmas proposal were dashed. You do have some other big dates coming up for you two- so maybe it’s not over yet.
Merry Christmas 🙂
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
Well, I think a terrarium is pretty awesome! Let’s just hope he’s going for a proposal on a non-obvious date. 🙂
Give him some time. I know you can’t help but have these expectations, but it will come!
Post # 6
So the BF and I have been together for 2 years now, and he has been talking about getting married for the past year. We moved in together about 9 months ago, and since then he keeps saying that it will be “soon” that we will get engaged. My birthday passed in November, and he has been acting weird since. So i was thinking that Christmass might be the big day! We were even going to skype with my parents who are still back in NY and do gifts with them.. how perfect right?!
About a month ago the bf was going through his email with me right there, and i could have sworn i saw an email from a well known engagement ring jeweler in there..
Fast forward to christmas.. he gets all dressed up to open presents.. we start and get down to one box left for me, and he says its my “big one”. So im already excited, but its a HUGE box.. but maybe he just wanted to throw me off right?
So here I go.. I start to open it, and its filled with packing peanuts. At the bottom i find a tiny ring box. Instantly i start shaking and sweating thinking “OMG OMG is this actually happening? I look over at him.. and he’s just sitting there all layed back. I slowly open up the ring box.. and there is a beautiful, absolutley BEAUTIFUL diamond infinity ring. NOT an engagement ring.I look back over at him and he still doesnt move.. i take it out, looking at him again with a confused look, but trying to cover it up. He stares back at me.
I finally am able to utter “well… where should i put it?” since i already have a ring from him on my right hand, and hes not making any move to propose.. He simple just says “any one you want”, smiles at me and says “you can stop shaking now”.
After we wrapped up the rest of the gift opening, and turned off skype, he tuns to me and says “soon.. i know thats why you werer shaking, but soon” I cant help but thinking “how much farther away is this “soon” your talking about?
Till next time.
Post # 7
Thanks Bees! I think I’ll take a terrarium over an engagement fake-out! I wonder if I should tell him my feelings. I’m a very emotionally honest person and keeping all of this in seems so absurd. I would never stay mum about my desire for a new job or to move to a new city. I’ll confess to thinking the whole idea of waiting for one half of a partnership to set the timeline and make the decisions about the most important step in said partnership is, frankly, ludacris. I suppose I’m not a romantic. The reason I’ve agreed to this situation thus far is that I respect him, and if this is what he feels he needs I want to givve it to him. But I still don’t understand why we can’t just have a reasoned conversation and make a decision. To say this, or not to say it?
Post # 9
@beanie91: kind of a dick move, I’d be so mad!
@MsAloe: I think that is perfectly fine to say to him! Go for it!
Post # 10
@MsAloe: it depends how important it is for him to have a traditional proposal. A lot of guys really care about that and if he’s one of them I wouldn’t take it away from him!
its hard but I say… Believe his “soon”. Give him a chance to do it his way. If soon drags on another year… Then reasess.
Post # 11
@MsAloe: a terarium is such a cool gift! At least he put some thought into it 🙂
I’m sorry you didn’t get a proposal, but reading your posts I’d vote for having a talk with him, just to check if you guys are on the same page about your future. After 7 years I think it’s kinda mandatory.
I’m hoping to be able to have one with my SO before the end of the year, I’d hate to start the new year the same way I spent all of 2013, just wishng and hoping at every turn that we’d be engaged.
Not knowing what to expect it’s the worse from a waiting time :/
Post # 12
@beanie91: I would have been so confused as well, I’m sorry you got excited and it wasn’t it but at least he said it’s happening soon, he’s thinking about it and now can see how much you really want it
Post # 13
You still have New Years your birthday and Valentine’s day! I Know the wait sucks but if after those events and still no proposal you should definitely sit him down and have the talk. Hoping he pops that big ? Soon best of luck!!!
Post # 14
@MsAloe: me either 🙁 hugs to you! i’d say talk to your SO. I had a minor meltdown Christmas eve! me and SO were spending Christmas apart wih our own families. He calls me while i’m on the 2 hour drive back home to tell me one his best friends has gotten engaged! he proceeds to tell me the whole proposal story in detail. I had to pretend i was losing coverage to get off the phone! i actually couldn’t stomach it! I wasn’t expecting a Christmas proposal because i only have a couple of days off work and also we were spending it apart but seriously i am sick of celebrating everyone elses happy news!!
Anyway fast forward to that evening i called him back, and he could tell i was down, I started crying and blabbing about us taking a break for a month or two because i needed to get my head clear, he went into full on panic mode wanting to know whats wrong, i explained to him exactly how i’ve been feeling, how i need to move forward with our lives, how i’m sick of celebrating for everyone else, how i want to start planning for us to be a family and does he not want that too? He told me that, thats all he wants and I need to relax about things, that there is something in the pipeline, he wants it to be a surprise, he told me that it might be days, weeks or months, but that 2014 is going to be a happy year for me and us. and i’ll get my happy news day too.
It made me feel better I just couldn’t hold in the hurt any longer! and when i said i wanted to take a break for a month or two i was serious becuase i was reaching the stage where if there wasn’t going to be a committment I needed to move on for my own sake. Now i had no control over how that all came out on the phonecall to my SO cos it was just an overflow of emotions. But if you do sit down and have a calm talk with your SO and explain to him how all this waiting is making you feel. at least just to get some reassurance from your SO to tide you over the next few months! Best of luck!
Post # 15
@MsAloe: I know this won’t help…. Because heaven knows we have no clue how men think, but MAYBE he will propose on a day that isn’t already a special occasion? Because if he wants to surprise you, that would work 😉
Post # 16
@beanie91: omg that’s horrible!!!!