Post # 1
FI and I were invited to our friends (not close friends though) wedding coming up soon. When I got the invite in the mail, it just had the ceremony details, RSVP information, but said nothing about the reception. I wasn’t sure if there was one, but thought maybe it was rude to ask when I RSVPd. So I left it. I am now thinking that maybe (since they are on a budget) that it might just be a little stand up reception for family and super close friends after. (which doesn’t bother me becuase I can understand sometimes you just want to get married and not blow money on the wedding, and we are not like close to them. And they also have bigggg famalies)
Anyways, I just got the bridal shower invite in the mail today, and it is coming up this Sunday, and I am planning on going. But I was talking to my mom and she said that maybe they are just doing the reception for only certain indivduals and we got talking about gifts and do you give tehm a bridal and wedding gift if you are only invited to the ceremony?
Both FI and I are not wealthy (I am still a student)
What is proper in this situation? (assuming we are just invited to the ceremony) Should we ask one of the bridesmaids?
Post # 3
I would give a normal shower gift and maybe like a $25 cash/gift card for the wedding or something? I feel like you should still give a gift, but maybe something really small for the wedding.
Post # 4
I don’t think you need to go all out. Get them one gift and call it a day. Usually, you get a big gift for the reception that is comparable to what the couple spent per guest. I believe that is etiquette? I’m not really sure. Anyways, I would just get 1 40 dollar gift and a card.
Post # 5
i agree with mkewed2012. i would definitely bring a gift if i were extended any kind of invitation. but given the circumstance, i wouldn’t break the bank for it. i think a modest shower gift + small gift card would be the perfect option.
Post # 6
why can’t you just give gifts at both. They don’t have to be expensive.
Post # 7
I second (or third) the modest gift at both events.
Post # 8
Welll it would be very odd to not have any type of reception. A cake and punch reception really is the minimum a host can offer to everyone who comes out to celebrate with you.
That said if you are close enough to the bride and/or groom to want to attend both the shower and the wedding, I think you should want to commemmorate the occassion with a gift. It doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive. It could be a bottle of wine and a thoughtful card.
Post # 9
I would give a small gift for both. They dont have to be extravagant, just a little something.
Post # 10
I find it strange that when other “brides to be” have come on here to ask about having two separate invites…..one for those invited to both ceremony & reception and the other for those only to invite to the ceremony they have have been told how rude that would be, its a gift grab, would most likely cause hurt feelings for those in the “B” guest list, etc… How is this any different? IMHO, I think it is extremely rude & so if you want to go to the shower then by all means take a gift but I would NOT buy them anything for the ceremony. And before I get a response of how the couple is struggling financially, etc… then that only means they keep their guest list down to what they CAN afford. I wanted to invite 300 people to my wedding but I could only afford 225 at the most so I cut my list down to just that. I would not have in a million years dreamt of inviting the other 75 to the “ceremony only”.
Post # 11
I recognize that, of course, for brides of this generation a two-tier wedding is as unacceptable as bringing a gift to the ceremony is expected (!) However, fifty years ago or so, it was absolutely the norm and no-one batted an eye when it happened. People also knew (without batting an eyelash) that receiving a ceremony-only invitation indicated that a gift should NOT be sent (and the people who did receive reception cards knew without batting an eyelash never to bring a gift to the ceremony.)
At the same time, it may be that the couple in this case are indeed having a stand-up tea reception at the ceremony site immediately following the ceremony — for everyone, not just for family. Such a reception doesn’t merit a separate reception card or even a mention on the invitation (since it should go without saying, just as does the coffee-hour after church on Sunday). Not to worry though, that kind of reception doesn’t evoke mandatory gifts, either.
Either way, I feel quite at home with the scenario you have hypothesized, and I quite enjoy imagining that it might recur. Continuing in the same old-fashioned vein, remember that shower gifts should be small nominal gifts of the expendable housewares variety: tea-towels, doilies, potato-peelers and the ilk.
Post # 12
Is it possible that there is a reception and they neglected to put “Reception to follow” on the invite? Having the reception immediately following the ceremony at the same place is so common now that maybe this person didn’t realize you needed to specify the reception separately? :-
Post # 13
I’m thinking this is a case of coffee/punch after the ceremony for everyone and then immediate family only for reception dinner. HOnestly, do what feels right. I would personally probably bring a small gift to each.