No registry?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

It’s ok to not have a registry especially if you don’t want/need anything. If people choose to gift and you aren’t registered they’ll probably just give you cash or pick something out on their own.

If it makes you feel too weird NOT to have one though, make a really small one.

Post # 3
Member
2566 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I was just at a wedding where the couple had no registry.  I didn’t know this was a thing until now… and I love it!  Go for it!

Post # 4
Member
720 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

uponthewaters:  We chose not to have a registry, we’ve lived together for years and yes there are always upgrades and yes we know people would end up getting us something in the long run (ei cash or gift) but we honestly wanted our friends and family to just celebrate with us and have a good time. I don’t think its rude in the least as you aren’t asking for anything. Everyone pretty much gave cash and I think we had 3 gifts to open in total. If people asked us, we politely told them we were looking for them to have a good time when they came to the wedding. When they insisted, we just said whatever you choose to give would be more than appropriate but we wanted to spend the evening with friends and family. If they insist on something, maybe give your mom a small list of upgrades that you might need in the next couple months/years incase you have people who are persistant! 

Post # 5
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I went to a wedding with no registry last year and I feel like it made things more difficult and stressful for the guests. The bride also had a shower (in which obviously I felt obligated to bring a gift!) and I think a lot of us felt a little worried about buying the wrong thing. If you’re having an intimate wedding with just close friends and family I can see it not being that big of a deal since everybody would know you well enough to pick something out, so I think that’s totally fine in OPs situation.

FI and I decided to just do a small registry for a few kitchen/dining upgrades. We only picked out about 20 things and we aren’t advertising it… It’s just there to make things easy for those who wish to buy a gift. Nothing is extravagent but honestly we’re picky and I’d rather have some options for people to choose from than end up with stuff we dislike and would feel guilty about returning/donating.

Post # 6
Member
4410 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We were going to not have a registry, but we got a lot of pressure to have one. So we ended up doing a very small registry. When people heard we weren’t going to have one, they panicked: “What should we get you? What do you want? What do you already have? Help!!!!” (My family are old-school types who do not give cash.)

My point is just that sometimes your guests WANT you to have a registry. If you don’t want to have one, stick to your guns, and be prepared for some guests to panic a little. 

Post # 7
Member
7098 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Are you having a shower?

Post # 8
Member
3201 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

uponthewaters:  I don’t think a registry is mandatory. Those who want to get you a gift but don’t find a registry will most likely give you cash. 

Post # 9
Member
6510 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Are having a shower. If so, I would feel a little weird as a guest trying to guess about what you want. If not, I would just give you money at your wedding.

Post # 10
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

My mom and grandmother (and my FI’s mom) weren’t happy with us refusing to register, so we ended up creating one.  It is mostly kitchen upgrades and our china set and glassware (which I am happy we set up, we already have all 12 of our place settings and appetizer plates as well as a few other pieces like the gravy boat, salt and pepper shaker, etc.) and it will be nice having that through the years and to pass down one day.  They aren’t mandatory, but maybe you could set one up with just a china set or something “traditional” so the people who really don’t want to give cash know they can get you something you’ll love? 

Post # 11
Member
224 posts
Helper bee

I want a registry! But maybe that is because we still need (when I say need I mean moreso I want :p) things. I went to a shower where the girl had no registration and all she told us was “Kitchen stuff”. I got her some fancy Joseph and Joseph cutting boards because I wanted them and I figure if I want them she probably wants them. I check every time we’re at their house, they never use them, they still have stickers! If they don’t want them they can re-gift them back to me whenever I get married. Just telling you that you mayyy end up with things you don’t need/want.

Post # 12
Member
2791 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast

I would at least make a small registry with a few things you need/want. Pick a local store that most of your guests will feel comfortable shopping at and have easy access to.  I don’t think it’s rude not to have one… but if you don’t i’m pretty sure you, your bridesmaids, and your mother will get bombarded with people asking about your registry and that’s annoying.

Post # 13
Member
3350 posts
Sugar bee

Sometimes I feel like you can’t win when it comes to gifts/registries. 

No registry? Rude because your making your guests guess what to buy, or you’re sneakily hinting for cash.

Registry? Rude because you’re asking outright for gifts. If your registry is small, it’s not helpful or doesn’t have a wide enough price range. Make a big registry with lots of items at multiple prices in the hopes that anyone can find something? OMG I’m going to side eye the hell out of your for your giant, gift grabby registry.

Ask for money? DON’T EVEN GO THERE

Honeymoon fund so people can buy you an experience instead of something material? Why don’t you just ask for outright ask for money, you soulless grifter?!

LOL. Honestly, I wish people could just admit that yes, weddings are gift giving occasions. You will get gifts whether or not you ask for them, so ask for what you need (not a comment on you specifically, OP)

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