No registry, want cash only

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee

I would say standard is $100/pp but generally gracious people will gladly accept anything you are comfortable and able to offer 😉

Post # 3
Member
2018 posts
Buzzing bee

Linda2014M:  A gift is freely selected and given by the recipient.  That’s why it’s a gift and not a ransom demand.  😉  You should feel free to give a physical gift if you’ve genuinely found something that you believe is best for your friend or relative, or if you are in a financial situation where the amount you have to spend on a gift isn’t one that you’re comfortable writing on a check (maybe you have $25-$30, for example), but could buy a nice, useful gift.  Please note that I am not saying that $25-30 is a silly or bad amount to spend–I just know that some people are uncomfortable writing gift checks for that amount.  However, if you do purchase a physical gift it should be sent before the wedding so they don’t have to worry about storing and transporting it after the wedding.

I’m sorry that your friend/relative put you in this awkward situation.

ETA: If you do decide to write a check and anyone gives you any grief because the amount isn’t “appropriate,” know that those people are vulgar, classless, and graceless beyond measure and that their opprobrium should be ignored.

Post # 4
Member
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Honestly, if you’d rather gift a gift, so do. 

Post # 5
Member
7098 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m not a fan of honeymoon funds, so I would just give them a check for whatever amount I would normally give.

Post # 7
Member
42546 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Linda2014M:  There is no standard. You give what you can afford, in relation to the amount you normally give as a wedding gift, taking your relationship with the couple into consideration.

In one social circle $100 may be standard, but in others a $50 gift may be seen as generous, or a $500 gift the norm.

If you prefer you may certainly give a physical gift instead of paying for the honeymoon.

Post # 8
Member
1762 posts
Buzzing bee

Linda2014M: You aren’t alone. I hate feeling like I’m being judged by the amount I give too. It’s uncomfortable!

Post # 9
Member
2018 posts
Buzzing bee

Linda2014M:  I have great sympathy with your stance (that sometimes it feels as though a check gift is being used as a particularly mercenary measure of the “friendship”) and wish that more people were open to physical gifts. 

I still use gifts that I didn’t ask for and didn’t see the need for at the time–thankfully those who knew me well saw what I couldn’t see and I remember those people fondly whenever I use the gift–while the checks I’ve received were deposited and forgotten long ago (fortunately some of these checks were accompanied by thoughtful cards that I have saved, some for over 20 years, and treat as valuable treasure).  Furthermore, I hate it when someone that I’m not all that close to gifts me what I consider an inappropriately large amount of money (I can’t help but think that such a person is trying to be showy) and imposes profound intimacy and obligation on a bond that I didn’t think had either. 

Post # 10
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Linda2014M: I am not one to drive when it’s shorter to fly, and any wedding that has a flight + hotel involved could be considered a destination wedding. In that case, I think it’s fine to give a card or a small gift. 

 

Post # 11
Member
2895 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

 

Linda2014M:  Any person who would “judge” you by the amount you give is a person who’s opinion you really shouldn’t care about.  If they will judge you for how much cash you give, they will judge you for giving them a physical gift when they did not wish for any.  The best rule of thumb for giving cash instead of a physical gift is to just place the amount of cash you would have spent on a physical gift in a envelope with a card.  So if you would typically spend $20, put $20 in the envelope.  If you would spend $150, put that in the envelope.  If you wouldn’t spend anything because you are spending a lot to attend the wedding, give a nice card. 

Post # 12
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee

Its really up to you.. My family has always given $350 pp to people we aren’t close to.. If they are family members or close friends anywhere around $1000 pp is the norm. I’m also middle eastern and people generally judge you based on these types of things.. Dont give enough and you’ll be considered stingy. Annoying, but I can’t change the culture lol. 

Post # 13
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

If you want to give money, give the same amount you would have spent on a registry item.  It doesn’t matter if that’s “only” 30$ because the budget went to a hotel room.  

But it sounds like you’re more comfortable giving a physical gift.  Totally ok.  If you’re worried the bride and groom won’t like it, you can always include a gift receipt so they can return it.  

Post # 14
Member
437 posts
Helper bee

my suggestion would be to give them cash, since that’s what they’ve asked for (as tacky as that can be sometimes!)

if you have a budget for the gift that you were going to buy, then I’d say just give the equal amount to them in cash.  it might not be your first choice, but at least you’re contributing to something you know they really want?

Post # 15
Member
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Linda2014M:  I prefer to give a physical gift unless I am willing to give $100 in cash. Just personally it feels like less than $100 will be looked down upon, although I’m sure anything os appreciated. In your case, since you’re shelling out so much to attend already, I would get them a physical gift and spend less than $50 to cut costs.

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