(Closed) No Ring, but engaged?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
375 posts
Helper bee

Could he buy a cheaper ring or a stand-in ring (they have great CZ ones on amazon.com) to propose with?

Is he waiting to save up money?

Post # 4
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

I would say yes either way, but I am partial to a proposal with a ring. I guess I just like the idea that it was all prepared and I would rather my boyfriend wait until everything was ready (including the ring) before popping the question rather than be asked a little sooner.

Post # 5
571 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My Darling Husband proposed to me without a ring.  He had been in contact with my best friend to try and get an idea of what I liked (I thought I wanted art deco style), but couldn’t find anything that he thought looked right in the stores.  He decided that getting engaged was the more important thing to both of us.  After we got engaged, we went ring shopping together and I ended up with my fabulous Engagement Ring about 2 months later once I finally figured out what I wanted (which turned out to not be art deco style at all!).

 It didn’t really bother me not to have a ring.  I am sure there were other people who may have thought it was strange, but I didn’t care.  

Post # 7
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

We never had engagement rings.  Neither of us wanted one.  We still ended up married.

Post # 8
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I don’t see why you NEED a ring. For me, I feel like my SO and I are already engaged in the sense that we’ve agreed to get married. He’s already talked to my parents and I know he is currently researching diamonds and rings in general. I’ve started looking on wedding sites and buying magazines for inspiration. So in that sense we’re already engaged. But I haven’t told anyone we’re engaged yet because he hasn’t asked with a ring. That’s just us and our choice, though. I’m not sure I could deal with people asking to see the ring after we announce we are engaged. 

I agree with others- why not get a stand-in ring or an inexpensive ring? If you don’t care about the ring at all, then go for it! It’s not the ring that is important, it’s the commitment. Unfortunately I am concerned with society’s expectations and tradition. 

Post # 9
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I would be fine with it. The ring is just a material symbol of the proposal, not having one doesn’t make the actual proposal any less real in my eyes.

That being said, I was where you were and I told my then Boyfriend or Best Friend that I just wanted to start planning because we both already talked wedding and we both already knew we wanted to be together. But it was important to him that I waited until he had the ring and figured out a proposal so I did – didn’t make the waiting any less hard, but that’s what the Bee is for ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 10
2588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Imo, once you agree to get married, you’re engaged, ring or no ring. FH proposed to me with a cheap little mood ring and I loved it–thought it was so funny and cute. (I did get my e-ring later, though I helped pay for it since I thought it was only fair.)

Post # 11
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I was proposed to without a ring, and it didn’t make it any less “official” in my/our mind. FH was planning to propose, but he ended up asking me one night when we were at home – he said it seemed like the time was right (which it totally was!) I think we were both a bit surprised ๐Ÿ™‚ We went ring shopping together after that, and I had my ring after about a month. Even though it wasn’t a big dramatic proposal, we aren’t big dramatic people so it was perfect for us. I was also really happy to be involved in the ring shopping process – and FH was relieved, too. He’d been ring shopping on his own, and even though he had a general sense of what I wanted (yellow gold, solitare, not too big), he was quickly overwhelmed by choices and didn’t want to pick something that important without making sured I’d really, really love it. It turned out that when we went to the shop where we ultimately bought my ring, he picked it out of the case almost as soon as we walked in. Once I tried it on, we both knew it was “the one.” I think our cultural expectation is that the propsal and ring go together, but really, it’s the agreement/committment that counts.

Post # 12
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I wouldn’t really mind at all. The act of him asking me to be his wife is the part that I actually care about – the ring is just something you use to signify to the rest of the world that you are engaged.

That said, I doubt he would let me help pay for it. He is quite traditional like that.

Post # 14
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Our engagement wasn’t planned by him or me, so we went for the ring after the fact. I think it was perfect because:

1) We were already engaged, so when I suggested to him that I go with him for the ring, it relieved him! It was not an awkward conversation where I was scared to pressure him and he was happy he wouldn’t have to pick alone.

2) I got to wear the ring right away – no agonizing “the ring is there, what is he waiting for to propose?”

Post # 15
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My Fiance proposed to me without a ring and I was more than fine with that!  I was so happy that we were going to be getting married that it didn’t matter to me! Also, then we went and I picked out a setting that we ordered from Ireland, and he picked out the diamond to go in the setting.  We had a great time doing it, and it made the ring really special :o)

FYI I got engaged in February and by the time my ring was complete it was almost July.  I got some flack from some family members, but I just kind of let it roll.  As long as you both are happy, that’s all that matters!

Post # 16
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

My guy proposed in February without a ring. It was beautiful and romantic and just the two of us. I loved it and I still replay it in my mind because he is just so sweet. However, he is VERY traditional and told me that he wants to keep it between us until we get a ring and want to announce it to our families. I wanted to tell my family right away! He wanted to “do it right” by asking my dad, proposing to me with a ring, and THEN tell our families. At first it was so nice because we got to enjoy our “secret” and just be together without the stressful questions people bombard you with when you get engaged, like when it will be, where, etc.

Now… I’m in limbo. I feel like I’m in this strange warp zone where I’m engaged, but only in our secret little way. I’ve booked the venue, we’ve met with the Priest, I’ve had initial appointments with the florist and the decorator, and I’ve found an amazing woman to make our cake. I have no ring. I can’t tell our families. Thank goodness for weddingbee or I’d explode.

The good thing about a ringless proposal is that you can pick out a ring and tell him what you prefer without too much pressure. I loved ring shopping with him and having his input. My advice would be to gauge whether or not he’s cool with announcing the engagement without a ring (which I know would be a hard thing to figure out if he hasn’t proposed). The hardest part for me has not been the fact that I don’t have a ring… it’s just incredibly hard to be so happy but not be able to share it!

If you are already in agreement that you’d like to eventually get married, maybe it’d work to ask him if he had any idea of when he’d like to have a wedding. That could lead into discussions about planning and how much time you’d like to have.

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