Post # 1
OK, this didn’t happen to me but a friend just told me this story and I needed other opinions. I know very few details, but here’s what I do know. Bride and Groom planned a wedding and invited Guest. Guest is notorious for forgetting to RSVP to things, very scatter-brained I guess, but always comes and gives gifts (although I hear she is stingy in the gift department, but at least she makes an effort, she might not have a lot of money, we don’t know). So Guest forgot to RSVP to wedding. Bride or Groom never did a followup, or verified her lack of response, and marked her as a no. Guest showed up to wedding, dropped her gift in the cardbox, and then saw there was no place card for her and left mortified.
Post # 3
You always follow up with people who don’t respond. Unless they say no, you should plan on them coming.
Post # 4
If a guest hasn’t RSVP-ed I am making a point to contact them and verify whether or not they are coming. I think it’s impolie not to RSVP, but it’s also impolite to assume that the guest isn’t coming.
Post # 5
Contact them maybe they forgot to send the RSVP.
Post # 6
The proper procedure for taking care of this is to call any guests who have not RSVPed after the deadline is past. If you leave a message and there is no reply, you can mark them off. Don’t mark them off unless you’ve called them.
Post # 7
Personally, I am in the process of calling the no-RSVP people to follow up. However, if it were up to my groom and his family, if you don’t RSVP in time (or at all) you are not on “the list” the day of.
I think it’s a little odd to not follow up (as the bride or groom or host), but Fiance and his family are pretty adamant – if they are ignoring etiquette to not RSVP, then they aren’t coming.
I don’t know which is “right” per se.
Post # 8
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
If you invite someone and don’t bother to confirm, you should assume they’re coming to avoid that exact scenario– unless you have a definite NO, you assume they’re coming, I have 4 no-replies who haven’t returned my calls yet, until I know otherwise, they are squarely in the “attending” column.
I also have a guest and her daughter who has a lot up in the air right now, her mom passed away recently, her Mother-In-Law might be moving in with them, she’s interviewing for jobs, she has a trip planned to visit her mother’s home country that has to be rearranged, and she lives on the opposite coast from us. She’s said she probably wont be able to make it– but hasn’t confirmed that 100%. So, on my lists, they are both attending, and if there’s 2 extra plates of food, and a few empty seats, I’m ok with that– because the opposite is unacceptable to me.
Post # 9
Contact them at least twice. First time you talk to them/leave a message you just ask for a response. If there’s still no response, you call/email again and say “Hi Guest! I hope you’re doing well. I wanted to check if you’ll be attending the wedding on July 21st. If I don’t hear from you by July 15th, I’ll assume you cannot make it. Thanks!”
Then you can mark them down as a no.
Post # 10
If a guest didn’t RSVP, I would follow up with them. Even if it’s to say that “If you don’t respond by XXX date, you will be considered a no.” Just so that they’re not in the situation that this guest was in.
Post # 11
You have to follow up.
What if the person RSVP’d but it was lost in the mail? I think the hosts should have been more embarassed that they fell down on their hosting duties.
Even if a guest shows up that you werent’ expecting, good hosting would be that you set and extra place, and water down the soup to accomodate them.
Post # 12
I don’t know which is right either, which is why I asked. I totally get being annoyed with people who don’t RSVP (I’m dealing with that now), but if you know Guest will probably show up, you should at least call (or text, or email even) and double check. And what about responses that get lost in the mail? They’re usually small, I know we lost a few my first time around (some people I know would never forget to RSVP because they’re Miss Manners types that never made it to us)….seems risky! Plus, a good friend of mine got married last year and I never received the invite, so when he called (kind of annoyed at me) and asked why I hadn’t RSVP’d and I told him I never got the invite, he was so glad he’d called! It is very rude to not RSVP too, which is why I was looking for outside opinions.
Post # 13
I think people fall into three general camps with RSVP’ing to anything.
1) They are always timely and RSVP
2) they seldom/never RSVP and need personal contact
3) They are usually prompt, but occasionally forgot and need a reminder.
Since this guest falls into camp 2 – I would have not made the assumption they were a no. And, honestly, with all my missing RSVP’s – I personally contacted to verify their status.
I’m of the belief that one should never assume.
Post # 14
I read somewhere that it is ok to call the people you invite who did not RSVP by the deadline date.
We do sometimes forget. We should not assume that because a person did not RSVP they aren’t coming, accidents do happen, mail get lost or delayed.
Post # 15
@andielovesj: Water down the soup, i like that
Post # 16
@andielovesj: LOL @ water down the soup, love it!