No sex… Is this what my marriage is going to look like?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9532 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@dreamer1288:  I don’t think that the lack of sex is particularly concerning as most relatioships go through ups and downs over time, but I do think it’s pretty concerning that he won’t talk about it. I would try to talk to him at a non-sexy time. Not when you’re trying to ut the moves on, but in a more neutral place and time. I find car trips to be excellent – he can’t run away!

Post # 4
Member
394 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I agree.  The stress of weddings is tough for everyone.  Sometimes men react to stress and fatigue with lack of sex.  I know we think men want it all the time.  I wouldn’t take it personally.  I agree that you should just try to find a neutral time to have a light hearted talk- bring your sense of humor.  Keep it unaccusatory.  I usually bring things like this up over morning coffee, but of course, the timing is up to you.

I am sure you are HOT!  Don’t take it personally.  I am sure before long, he will be tearing your clothes off again.  (TMI?)

Post # 5
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee

@dreamer1288:  maybe it’s my past experience and paranoia but i always think the worst in cases like this. Try to be alert and attentive to his actions. If it’s stress it will show in other ways as well not just in the sex area.

Post # 6
Member
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@dreamer1288:  Being tired is kind of a tired excuse in my book. Sure, I understand being tired every once in a while but if you’re noticing a significant change, something more might be going on. Can you think of when everything changed with regard to sex?

Post # 7
Member
4218 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Try playing hard to get. Men love to conquer, not to be chased. 

Post # 8
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Definitely see if he’ll talk to a counselor or something. DH turns down sex a LOT, but never that callously, and he’ll usually give me a reason after!

Post # 10
Member
9532 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@dreamer1288:  Woo Hoo!!!!! Glad that things are back on course! A triumph for talking things through! Now go have hot hanky-panky to your heart’s delight!

Post # 11
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Wow.

 

*applause*

Post # 12
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@dreamer1288:  Did the frequency of sex suddenly decrease? Based on your post, I am asunming you had a satisfactory sexual relationship and now that has changed. I would assume there is a trigger to a drastic behavioural change – stress, performance, age, attraction level, cheating, etc. Something like this doesn’t just change for no reason at all. 

I wouldn’t have a sexless marriage either or be with someone who flat out rejected me. He will have to acknowledge the problem and work with you to solve it. If he’s not willing to, then only you know what you can live with. 

Post # 13
Member
2079 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@dreamer1288:  I would suggest him getting some blood work done. Sure, everyone gets tired from time to time but if this continues he might want to consider getting his testosterone level checked. Low testosterone can make men tired and lower their sex drive. Some medications can cause this, as well.

Post # 14
Member
2079 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@dreamer1288:  Glad to hear you guys were able to work it out.:-)

Post # 16
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2015

The sex life in every relationship goes up and down naturally, but what I  find a little bit concerning here is that he is unwilling to talk about it.

As a couple do you typically have open communication about sex? If you previously did and now he is shutting down I think the current behavior is cause for concern.

However, if you guys are not as open about the topic he possibly could just be having a hard time vocalizing what is up.

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