Post # 1
Sorry for the graphic nature of this post lol. But I need to vent?
Lately, it has been me asking for sex and being turned down. I literally stood in lingerie when he walked in the room and he glanced and kept doing what he was doing. He swears nothing is wrong, he’s just tired. But I feel like something is wrong. I’ve tried to talk to him about it but he just tells me to stop talking about it because everything is fine. We get married in two months. I don’t want to base the quality of marriage on sex but sex is a pretty important part of marriage. Help?
Post # 3
@dreamer1288: I don’t think that the lack of sex is particularly concerning as most relatioships go through ups and downs over time, but I do think it’s pretty concerning that he won’t talk about it. I would try to talk to him at a non-sexy time. Not when you’re trying to ut the moves on, but in a more neutral place and time. I find car trips to be excellent – he can’t run away!
Post # 4
I agree. The stress of weddings is tough for everyone. Sometimes men react to stress and fatigue with lack of sex. I know we think men want it all the time. I wouldn’t take it personally. I agree that you should just try to find a neutral time to have a light hearted talk- bring your sense of humor. Keep it unaccusatory. I usually bring things like this up over morning coffee, but of course, the timing is up to you.
I am sure you are HOT! Don’t take it personally. I am sure before long, he will be tearing your clothes off again. (TMI?)
Post # 5
@dreamer1288: maybe it’s my past experience and paranoia but i always think the worst in cases like this. Try to be alert and attentive to his actions. If it’s stress it will show in other ways as well not just in the sex area.
Post # 6
@dreamer1288: Being tired is kind of a tired excuse in my book. Sure, I understand being tired every once in a while but if you’re noticing a significant change, something more might be going on. Can you think of when everything changed with regard to sex?
Post # 7
Try playing hard to get. Men love to conquer, not to be chased.
Post # 8
Definitely see if he’ll talk to a counselor or something. DH turns down sex a LOT, but never that callously, and he’ll usually give me a reason after!
Post # 9
Well I sat down and talked to him about it and told him how it made me feel and that I thought there may be a deeper problem. He understood and apologized. Y’all… this may totally be TMI so WARNING lol…. we have had sex five times since last Wednesday lol. I guess I solved the problem!! 😉
Post # 10
@dreamer1288: Woo Hoo!!!!! Glad that things are back on course! A triumph for talking things through! Now go have hot hanky-panky to your heart’s delight!
Post # 12
@dreamer1288: Did the frequency of sex suddenly decrease? Based on your post, I am asunming you had a satisfactory sexual relationship and now that has changed. I would assume there is a trigger to a drastic behavioural change – stress, performance, age, attraction level, cheating, etc. Something like this doesn’t just change for no reason at all.
I wouldn’t have a sexless marriage either or be with someone who flat out rejected me. He will have to acknowledge the problem and work with you to solve it. If he’s not willing to, then only you know what you can live with.
Post # 13
@dreamer1288: I would suggest him getting some blood work done. Sure, everyone gets tired from time to time but if this continues he might want to consider getting his testosterone level checked. Low testosterone can make men tired and lower their sex drive. Some medications can cause this, as well.
Post # 14
@dreamer1288: Glad to hear you guys were able to work it out.:-)
Post # 15
@MrsPanda99: We just went through a phase, I think.. He’s a band director and it’s marching band season which means he’s busy every single weekend at competitions and practices. I don’t think he was trying to make excuses when he said he was tired but I’m sure it was true. I made the point that you make time for the things you want/are important to you. I know it isn’t an attraction issue. I have recently lost about 15 pounds and am in much better shape than I was when we started dating and he is always telling me how pretty he thinks I am. We had just gotten into an awful rut.
Post # 16
The sex life in every relationship goes up and down naturally, but what I find a little bit concerning here is that he is unwilling to talk about it.
As a couple do you typically have open communication about sex? If you previously did and now he is shutting down I think the current behavior is cause for concern.
However, if you guys are not as open about the topic he possibly could just be having a hard time vocalizing what is up.