Post # 1
My bridesmaids & mom have been planning my bridal shower for probably the past month. My sister has spoken to this Bridesmaid or Best Man we’ll call her Sarah ONCE during the whole planning process. The only time Sarah ever replied to my sisters ideas, requests, etc was to say “That date is perfect for me!” She never responded to any thing else and my sister and other BMs planned the whole thing (1 Bridesmaid or Best Man couldn’t come because she’s a dance teacher and had a competition out of state- understandable & she even orderedd things, etc for this shower.)
Now today the day of the shower- I text Sarah and call her to ask her what she was wearing, if she wanted to meet us for lunch before, etc. No response. Shower starts at 1pm- I call her again. 2:30 rolls around and I get this text… “Omg sorry, there is noooooo way that I can come. I thought the shower was next weekend & I have to meet up with my group to work on a project for school.” First off I know this girl lives and dies by a planner so for her to get the date wrong after she said it was perfect? And to just straiiiiiiight up ignore the other BMs? We had a couples shower for FI’s family & she even showed up to that shower 15 min before it was over. She doesn’t live far, so it’s not like I’m out of the way.. I don’t get it.
I haven’t texted her back. I think I deserve a phone call, at least. How would you address this? I’m lost. She has been a great FRIEND not a great Bridesmaid or Best Man. She never returns my phone call if it’s about the wedding but she is more than happy to text me about the clothes she bought for her son (she’s 3 mo preg).
Post # 3
I hear ya! It’s so frustrating when someone who you clearly think you’re close to doesn’t follow through, or stands you up at an important event. I had a bridesmaid not even turn up to the wedding! Since then, he’s spoken to me occasionally, but hasn’t even bothered apologising about not showing up, or his lack of communication in the weeks preceding the wedding.
I think you should meet up for a face-to-face with Sarah and let her know just how hurt you are by this. I mean, at least she apologised on the day, but maybe let her know that the lack of communication leading up to the shower was an issue too.
Post # 4
Ok, so all the way along I was like, wow that’s so weird. I was totally on your side. And then you dropped in that she is both a student ANd pregnant. Cut her some slack, she’s probably crazy preoccupied and forgetfulness is a real symptom of pregnancy. They call it pregnancy brain! This doesn’t sound at all like a personal slight, just some symptoms of being busy and going through her own major life change. Growing a human is pretty all consuming, I’d imagine.
Post # 5
a new update- SHE IS OUT OF TOWN WITH FRIENDS. oh the wonders of social media.
@LadyElva: yeah, she’s always been a reliable friend but i feel that she’s a little resentful maybe that i’m getting married- she avoids wedding plans like the plauge..
@mjoyelle: i have..so much slack. but she is only taking one class the same as me at a different school & it’s an elective… but I saw that she had gone out of town with her work friends..and i’m like what the heck….
Post # 6
@futurepilotswife_: I would offer her the opportunity to drop out as a bridesmaid if she chooses to. I would make it clear that I still wanted her to be Bridesmaid or Best Man but would understand if, for any reason, she needed to drop out.
Post # 7
@futurepilotswife_: So now she works, is pregnant and in school? Let me ask you a question, how negatively did it impact your day that she didn’t show up? Was it the end of the world?
If the answer to that question is no, then don’t give it a second thought. Her job is to show up at the wedding and wear what you asked her to (and pay for it if you required her to do so). Nothing more, nothing less. If she’s done that or will do that, then she’s fulfilled her responsibility. She’s allowed to have a life even when you’re planning your wedding.
Post # 8
I think she is completely rude. I don’t care how much she has going on and if you should “cut her some slack.” even if she wasn’t a Bridesmaid or Best Man, she forgot your shower and that at least deserves a very sincere apology, especially since you now found out she is put of town. I think you are right to beupset with her. I’d ask her, in a nice way, if she needs to drop out due to her hectic schedule.
Post # 9
@DJones69: I agree with this although I understand being a little upset. I would try and get over it and/or speak to her to see if she still wants to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man like a PP said.
Post # 10
No matter how busy I am with my work, school, and being in and out of the doctors…I return a damn phone call. Eevn my 90 year old grandmother texts nowadays….so you can get back to someone if you really need to.
I sympathize with her pregnancy and school, missing a shower honestly is no big deal but she should have given your family the common courtesy to RSVP, last minute or not. I hate it when people to not RSVP to parties. HELLO, I need to know how much food to prepare!!!
And I also agree with whichever bee said to give her the option of dropping out if she feels she needs to. Sometimes people feel bad about dropping out, let her know you understand
Post # 11
My bridal shower was today too : ) Luckily all of my bridesmaids showed up! However some of them are much better at this than others. and that’s okay. I would talk to her and let her know that it’s important that she’s there. I never really “got it” before I was engaged. I was in a friend’s wedding a couple years ago and had no clue.. I was probably “that girl” without realizing it. Some people just get it and others seem not to and it doesn’t always have anything to do with how good of a friend they are. As silly as it seems, she might just not know how important it is to you that she be involved with all of your wedding stuff. It’s too late for the shower and I know that’s disappointing but if you let her know how you feel, maybe things will be better going forward. Good luck!
Post # 12
@mbrooke85: So true!!! I notice such a difference between how my married and unmarried friends react to wedding things. Unfortunately, 4/5 of my bridesmaids are single but at least I realize that they just don’t understand. To the OP, you can be upset, but I think you have to suck it up and try to get over it. Just be very clear with her that she needs to be there on your wedding day!!
Post # 13
@futurepilotswife_: I’d cut her , nicely. I’d say u seem super busy so I think it’s best your just a guest and not a bridesmaid. I guarantee in a few yrs you won’t even see or talk to her and will regret having her in the bridal party at all. That’s my opinion
Post # 14
@DJones69: I agree and on top of that it was the OP’s second shower and the Bridesmaid or Best Man did show up for the first (albeit only for a short time at the end).
OP you say she dislikes weddings but yet you are acting suprise that she is showing no interest in the extra wedding events.
The not answering calls/text/emails is bad but maybe she feels like you and your other BM’s are contacting her too much with wedding stuff that she isn;t interested in?
If you are friends then talk to her about your friendship and leave the wedding out of it entirely. A wedding is one day and the most important thing to the B&G but a friendship should last a lifetime and be important to both parties.
Post # 15
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
I think you were too involved in your own shower, and it just brought you upsetness. Your job is not to keep tabs and score on people. Your job is to smile and enjoy time with everyone who was able to attend. Next time, if you stay out of it, you will never know how involved or un-involved everyone was and whether or not they will be there. Then you can sit back and enjoy bridal bliss via ignorance, enjoying the shower for exactly what it is without knowing who did what and wondering where so and so is.
Post # 16
@futurepilotswife_: wow, that’s goofy that whe would rather hang out with her friends than to go to your shower. I agree, give her a chance to drop out if she wishes, just to cut you some drama in the future.