Post # 1
I have been having issues lately with two of my bridesmaids. I was lucky enough to have 2 bridal showers thrown for me, and two of my girls didn’t come to either shower. Now as my MOH is planning the bachelorette party I found out that those two girls can’t come to that party either.
I brought it up to one of the girls and she told me she thought the bachelorette party would be the night before the wedding?! When I told her there was no way we’d be partying the night before she got really mad.
I don’t even know what to do anymore.I feel like I got the short end of the stick in the bridesmaid pool.
Post # 3
I know it’s hard, but I think you need to cut them some slack–especially if they’re out of town. Weddings are expensive and there is enough chaos going on in every day life that sometimes things come up and you just can’t swing it. I called my little bro yesterday to say I realized we can’t come visit him at college this semester because I have a major event at work every other weekend until basically December 15. Do I wish I could go visit? Absolutely, but I can’t.
In any event, if you haven’t expressed to these two BMs that you wish they were particpating in one of these events, I’d do that. Maybe you can do something with the three of you, or special with your maids once they’re in town for the wedding, even if it’s a rocking pre-wedding night game of scrabble, not a trip to a nightclub.
Post # 4
That’s happened in two of the wedding I’ve been in recently. As a fellow BM and a MOH, it’s really frustrating. It’s like come on! You can make it happen for at least one event?
Post # 5
Sometimes bridesmaids just plain suck. I’d just try not to let it bother you… tough as that will be. You have lots of people who love you (2 showers!) and what sounds like a fab MOH!
Post # 6
i dont want to make generalizations, but are these 2 BMs younger, like under 22? I think sometimes, younger BMs dont really know all of the expectations. Or, are you the first in your social circle to get married? They really just might not ‘know’. like bach party night before the wedding? seriously? im gonna be up all night drinking befor ethe wedding i have spent the last 6 months working to look perfect for? maybe have a light hearted discussion with them about how disappointed you are…but in general, dont stress yourself out with only 1 month to go. Take hert in the fact that one day they’ll get married and be embarrased by how crappy they behaved as BMs.
Post # 7
It sounds like it might be a case of them just not knowing what’s typically expected of BMs (expecting the bachelorette to be the night before the wedding is a huge red flag). Money concerns may also be an issue.
Having a talk with them may sort it out – if it’s a case of just not knowing, then problem solved. If it’s a money thing, you’ll have to let it go – if they are there for the wedding, that’s what matters.
Post # 8
As one of the first people in my circle to get married, I felt like some of my friends had no idea what was going on! My husband is 3 years older than I am and I felt like his male friends had a better idea of what was going on than my female friends!!! Talk about frustrating! I found that a quick email to two of my bridesmaids to express to them how I was feeling like they were too busy for me, really helped them to understand what I needed from them.
Post # 9
I’m sorry to hear that 2 of your girls haven’t made it to 2 bridal showers and won’t make your bachelorette. Are they from OOT? Regardless, you have a right to be bummed. I would say just enjoy your bachelorette no matter what, and thank goodness neither of these girls are your MOH and supposed to be ‘running the show!’
Post # 10
I’ve only been a bridesmaid 3 times, but I have to say that I hate going to bachelorette parties. It’s not just the money I have to spend, it’s such a pain traveling and spending the entire day, night sometimes weekend devoted to the bachelorette party. It’s just exhausting!
That being said, the only bachelorette party I missed as a bridesmaid was when I was under 21 and couldn’t get into the places they were going. I even attended one where I had to drive 5 hours each way and had an awful case of streph throat! Being a bridesmaid in my opinion is agreeing to be selfless and help celebrate someone you love during the most important time of their lives. I don’t think all bridesmaids ‘get’ this and that is very unfortunate.
Since you asked them and they agreed, I think all you can do is just let it go and don’t expect much from them besides attending the wedding. YOu are lucky to have a great MOH and two showers in your honor!
Post # 11
Thank you all for your encouraging words and advice. You have all brought up really good points on why I may have no show bridesmaids.
I am one of the first of the girls to get married, and I didn’t lay out what I expected of the girls. I guess I just didn’t feel like I was expecting much. I am paying my own way at my bachelorette party. I chipped in for helping pay for meals at my bridal shower. I requested that no one buy gifts for the wedding or showers d/t the fact I asked them to buy their own dresses. I guess the only expectation I really had was that they would show up to at least 1/3 of the extra parties. I should have made that more clear.
I think I’m to the point I do just have to let it go. As hard as that may be.
Thank you all regardless for your very helpful and insightful comments.