No Show question

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

This is super annoying (especially because you paid for them!). That said, you’re never totally sure what’s going on in their life so I’d be delicate. My sister did the same thing to my cousin and there was a lot of back story. My sister was in a terrible, abusive relationship and she had just called the cops on her husband after he choked her and threw her head through the wall; he was being charged with felony assault but she had the charges dropped and was taking him back (since then, we’ve talked her straight and she’s been free for two years, but that’s another story). We weren’t telling any of the family because she didn’t want us to, but all night of the wedding people were coming up asking why she didn’t come. Sometimes, people just aren’t at the place in their life where they’re ready to celebrate love. That’s certainly not to say that some of these people weren’t just lazy, but the rationale might not be malicious. 

 

Anyhow, food for thought… 

Post # 3
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’m sorry about that! It sucks when people blow off something so important for something that seems relatively unimportant. That must be really hurtful, and if I were in your shoes, I’d re-evaluate my friendship with people who committed to being there, then decided they didn’t feel like it.

I don’t know if there’s any specific etiquette for how to handle this situation, but I don’t think you can do anything that would make them feel bad and still be within the realm of polite etiquette. It may be fair to say something like “We’re so sorry you weren’t able to make it, we were so looking forward to visiting with you!” to let them know that their absence was noted, but I don’t think there’s any “polite” way to tell them what they did wasn’t ok. If we’re following etiquette, they should know that what they did wasn’t ok. 

I think some people just really don’t understand what a big deal planning and hosting a wedding is; it’s not like just any other party that you can blow off if you don’t feel up to going out. 

Post # 4
Member
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

No showing is rude, but so is calling those people out on it. And two wrongs don’t make a right. So I think that leaves you with biting your tongue and letting go of your own negative feelings on the matter. After all, your negative feelings hurt you, and only you. Since you will have to see these people again, just be polite and let it go. It isn’t worth your time and energy.

FWIW, my “best friend” no showed to my wedding. No phone call or text to explain. She and her partner just didn’t show up. At a wedding with only 30ish people and everyone seated at 1 long table, those 2 empty seats were a glaring hole. I took it as an opportunity to finally accept, in my core, that she is a self-centered person, and that the feelings of other people never truly matter to her. That isn’t a reflection on me, and I can’t take it personally. She is who she is, and I don’t hold it against her. But that doesn’t mean that I have to continue such a one-sided relationship. When she called me 3 weeks later, I just didn’t bother to answer the phone. I was officially done with that friendship. I wish her the best from afar, and that is that.  

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