Post # 1
My mom threw us an engagement party and isn’t technically supposed to throw a shower as it’s “gift grabbing” or whatever. I have no sisters. My BMs are organizing a bachelorette and can’t afford to do both. I feel awkward asking anyone else (i.e FMIL). It’s really not about getting gifts for me. We got gifts at the engagement party, we’ll get them for the wedding. I just want to have a party with a cute theme. I would totally get everything together, cook food, etc. but I know it’s a big time no-no to throw your own shower. Is it so wrong to want a fun girl party? It can be done on the cheap and with minimal effort by anyone else. And don’t people expect that there will be a shower at some point? I just don’t get why nobody has offered and whatever maybe this makes me a brat but I feel how I feel and it makes me sad (and a little annoyed) that it’s probably not going to happen.
Post # 3
Oh, I’m sorry, Kittyachi. 🙁 Would your mom want to throw a shower, despite “traditional” etiquette? My mom threw one of my showers, and I think a lot of people ignore this old-fashioned rule nowadays, anyway. Or do you think your Fi could mention it your Future Mother-In-Law for you? I would’ve felt weird asking my Mother-In-Law to throw me a shower, but I would’ve let my husband do it for me. 🙂
Post # 4
I totally understand where you’re coming from. I had a fun weekend away/bachelorette with 4 of my bridesmaids and my sister was planning to coordinate a shower. I think she may have waited too long to decide on anything because everyone is booked/said that they can’t really afford a gift right now. I have tried to accept that for me it’s just part of getting married soon after college, when most friends are still trying to get their life together. I know that things are tough for a lot of people right now but I can’t help but be a little disappointed.
Post # 5
I feel exactly the same way. We don’t have showers in my parents’ culture, so my mom isn’t doing one for me. Also, my parents don’t have the time and money to throw a party so I wouldn’t ask them to. Future Mother-In-Law offered, but she is also not wealthy and doesn’t have space to host and is already doing a lot for us. None of my bridesmaids have offered and I don’t think they will given that they’re all like 22 and not really into weddings. Oh, and everyone is geographically dispersed, which makes it that much more difficult.
I am so upset about it not because of gifts, but, like you, just wanting to get together with everyone and have a party celebrating the upcoming marriage. So I don’t have great advice, but you’re definitely not alone.
Post # 6
I do not think at all it would be bad for your mother to throw you a shower, if you are worried about people thinking you are only doing it for presents maybe do not include your registry information with the invite or make it potluck so people have the option to bring a present but does not seem like they would be coming empty handed!!
Post # 7
Agree that I don’t think anyone would be bothered if your mother hosted a shower. If you’re worried about the gift thing, maybe just a brunch or luncheon, the invitation to which specifically mentions that “your presence is the present” or similar?
Post # 8
If the cost is the problem, you can always talk to your BMs about “hosting,” with you providing most of the food, decorations, etc. Bridal showers can be really inexpensive. I threw an impromptu one for a friend a few years ago, and we did a breakfast picnic (mimosas, fruit salad, quiches, croissants, etc.) and a wildflower hike. Another friend’s sister did a lovely at-home shower. She made pastas, salads, strawberries dipped in chocolate, and bought cupcakes for dessert. We played games at her house. I agree, I think bridal showers are the most fun celebration!
Post # 9
I think it is fine for your Mother to have your shower. Times are changing. If you still feel awkward, maybe one of your Moms close friends could send the invites. If your Maids are strapped for money (it’s alot to be in a wedding, especially if you are young) make it clear that you don’t want any gifts from them. How can they come without gifts… they could put your bachlorette party plans in a box and wrap that with a few little things to make it cute (I’m the bride stuff). Speak to your Maids from your heart and they will know that your are sincere that you appreciate all they are doing and don’t want them to feel bad about it. Good luck!
Post # 10
My BM’s weren’t able to throw one for me due to financial obligations and personal choice for some. Eventhough it’s against etiquette my mother is hosting my shower and she is quite thrille to do so.
Post # 11
Oh your mom can totally throw your a shower if she wants! Old etiqutte says mothers shouldn’t because it looks like a plea for gifts for thier kid. Really… the same could be said about anyone throwing you a shower, even bridesmaids. Like you said, it’s more about getting together with women you’re close to. I’d let her do it.
Post # 12
My mom threw my shower! Nobody cared. I certainly didn’t. I agree with PP if your mom can’t/won’t, see if your Fiance can say something to your Future Mother-In-Law about it. I know my Future Mother-In-Law would have LOVED to throw me a shower if she didn’t live so far away!
Post # 13
I know how to feel. I didn’t get a shower either but for different reasons. I didn’t really have a lot of friends where I was living so it wasn’t really worth it.